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I was once told by a friend who'd discovered that her husband had cheated, that there is no greater pain than knowing that you spouse has been unfaithful.

She also told me there is no greater sense of satisfaction that getting revenge.

Hence my lack of surprise at a new survey that landed on my desk that found three out of five people would take revenge if they found out their partner had been cheating.

What did come as something of a shock was how most people would be likely to wreak their vengeance: they'd take it out on the car.

This, of course, suggests that most perpetrators of infidelity are men, which we all know is nonsense.

It's just that when it comes to revenge, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (I know, it's a cliche, but it fits).

In fact, it's difficult to find a bloke who would admit to wanting revenge on an unfaithful partner. The prevailing attitude among men seems to be one of, 'suck it up princess.'

It's an entirely different story when it comes to the girls, ten percent of whom say their man's wheels would be their number one target in their quest for vengeance.

For some strange reason, age appears to be a factor. Women under 21 say they would damage the paint work - a key dragged from one end to the other or a bottle of paint stripper over the bonnet - while 22 to 25-year olds would go for the windscreen.

Women over 30 prefer the idea of selling their husband's pride and joy for a pittance - the more expensive the car, the lower the price. And the 50 plus age group would simply go for the wallet, spending as much of their spouse's money as they could whilst giving them the silent treatment.

While cars and cash are the preferred methods of payback many women show even more creativity.

Shredding a wandering husband's entire wardrobe ranked highly in the survey, as did physically attacking the wrong-doer.

One particularly angry woman drew up a convincing but fake medical test report saying her husband had tested tested positive to HIV - and mailed it to his workplace.

On a more positive note, no one admitted to considering murder.

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A British man has been arrested for drink driving, after being caught behind the wheel of his daughter's pink electric Barbie car.

40 year-old Paul Hutton was cruising up and down his street in Essex, UK, tearing up the pavement at a blistering 6 kmh when police drove around the corner.

Paul didn't help his case when he admitted to having souped-up the car - he'd fitted bigger wheels which increased its top speed by approximately one kmh.

He's lost his licence for 3 years, and been fined $100.

While it might seem like an unusual case, Paul's is only one of thousands of bizarre DUI cases to go before the courts every year. Only a few, though, are sufficiently strange to find their way into the global media.

One that did was the case of 62 year-old Dennis Leroy Anderson from Minnesota who was arrested last October for being drunk at the wheel of... wait for it... his sofa.

Dennis had strapped wheels and a lawn mower engine to his La-Z-Boy, then added a boom box, lamp and cup holders for his beer.

Sadly Dennis' first drive was also his last, after his blurry vision failed to warn him of his neighbour's parked car, which he slammed into.

Dennis lost his license after blowing three-times the legal limit.

Just two months earlier police in Vermont, also in the US, picked up Joe Quigley as he tried to drive his snowmobile along a paved street.

Joe was making slow but noisy progress, and tearing up the road surface when he was breathalyzed at .183.

And you can't help but feel sorry for 22 year-old Cory Mitchell Syms, who was fined in 2007 for riding his skateboard while drunk.

Caught running red lights and weaving in and out of traffic, Cory's fate was sealed when he told police he was trying to do the right thing by skateboarding, because he was too drunk to drive.

In October 2007 an 8 year-old boy called 911 in the US to report his own mum for drink-driving.

The little fella bravely told dispatchers his mum had been drinking and he was worried for his safety and that of his 5 year-old sister, who was also in the car.

33-year-old Paulette Lynn Spears wrestled the phone off her son and hung up, but police had already tracked her car and she was stopped a short time later.

My favourite case though is one that shows there's always a little hope, even among people stupid enough to get behind the wheel after they've been drinking.

Last December 49 year-old Mary Straye called police to report a drunk driver - herself.

Mary explained that she didn't know what to do and didn't want to hurt anybody. The dispatcher talked her into pulling over and switching off her car.

Police who arrested Mary praised her for her honesty and the shred of common sense that managed to make its way to the fore of her sozzled brain.

But they still booked her with misdemeanor drink driving after testing more than double the legal limit.
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Police in the US have arrested a man over the shooting death of his girlfriend, after the couple apparently used a gun as a sex aid.

Details of exactly what they were up to haven't been released. What we do know is that the 25 year-old man called 911 to say he'd just shot his girlfriend while they were having sex.

While sex fatalities are relatively rare, the Crazy World archives are filled with stories of people suffering nasty and embarrassing injuries while pushing their love making to the absolute limits.

Last week a woman in Moscow underwent surgery for serious damage to the membranes at the back of her throat, after her husband became a little too enthusiastic while she was performing oral sex on him.

Doctors say her injuries were quite severe, and definitely not something to gag about.

Ok, I made that last bit up. Pun filter now activated.

And this time last year a 27 year-old woman - for some reason she didn't want her name published - was injured by her husband's home-made sex toy. The couple had attached a strap-on dildo to - wait for it - an electric saber saw - then fired it up to see how effective it might be.

The saw sliced straight through the rubber phallus, leaving the woman with a very nasty... err... gash...

I personally know a well-known former Australian football star who confided that the "hamstring injury" that kept him out of a crucial finals match was in fact caused by a bed-time accident.

The man and his the girlfriend were in the middle of a frantic session in an antique cast-iron bed, with the woman stretched out over the side in a bizarre pose that only a pro athlete could achieve.

That's when the bed frame snapped.

The jagged edge ripped into the underside of the footballer's penis, tearing it open from the base to the tip.

I almost wept when he described the horror of being driven to hospital while using his hand to stop the insides of his manhood from slipping out completely.

Speak to any nurse and you'll hear extraordinary tales of odd items that have "accidentally" found their way into various bodily orifices.

I've read reports of doctors discovering aerosol cans, a neon lamp and even a leg of lamb deep inside people's rectums. And yes, it's nearly always men.

Although, not always.

Some years ago I remember reporting on a case in which a woman presented at her local hospital with a carrot firmly stuck deep inside her anus. The woman told doctors she'd been hanging out the washing when she tripped and landed on the carrot, which was protruding from the ground in a nearby vegetable patch.

I asked the doctor if he bought the woman's story. He paused and then replied:

"Well, when we retrieved the carrot... it was peeled..."



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Peter Aspinall is one of those rare individuals who has actually lived a Roadrunner moment.

For the uninitiated, a "Roadrunner" moment is a brief crumb of time, perhaps but a second or two, after which a person realises they have just lived through a real-life experience they've seen many times before - in a "Roadrunner" cartoon


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Coma? I thought you said comb-over!

April 13th 2010 01:35
Medical experts in Croatia are studying a young girl who's woken from a coma... speaking fluent German.

The 13 year-old, whose name has not been released, was only in a coma for 24 hours but she now speaks German like a native. She had only studied German in school for a couple of weeks and. even more bizarrely, she's now completely lost her ability to speak Croatian


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Do you have a child who's afraid of the dark? A female workmate who's nervous about walking to the car park after night falls? Do you avoid dark alleys and automatic teller machines for fear of being mugged? Then have I got news for you!

Fear no longer, good citizens! Super-Barrio is here! And The Eye. And Angle Grinder Man. And... well - lots more


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Have you noticed that your neighbor often behaves a little - well - strange? Do you have a work colleague who is just a little too odd for comfort? Have you caught one of your friends doing something that strikes you as being just a little odd?

Have you ever considered that they might be an alien


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If we needed any more proof that the whole world is cashing in on the "Twilight' phenomenon, a British university has just announced it's staging a conference on Vampires.

The University of Hertfordshire is calling for registrations for its "Open Graves, Open Minds: Vampires and the Undead in Modern Culture" conference, beginning April 16


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Lying is one of the most basic and common of human traits. Admit it, you lie all the time. So do I. And now a new study's fingered the lies we like to tell most of all.

Whether it's to save face or cover our butts, lying is the get-out-of-jail-free card that we all wield. Lying has saved jobs and marriages, kept friendships together and spared loved ones from the hurtful truth throughout history


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A decision by a court in Italy to award a huge payout to a man whose perfectly good testicle was mistakenly removed will have men around the world cringing and reaching instinctively to protectively shield their genitals.

It's an instinctive reaction that's as impossible to avoid as it is is for women to understand. Men don't like the thought of being separated from their tackle and the mere suggestion of someone else living through such a calamity is enough to bring a tear to the eye of the toughest of blokes.

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