Confusion
August 11th 2011 17:08
It seems confusion reigns. I am in that state. I have always had very firm, very strong, very solid, very rigid, etc guidelines for my faith. I have always believed that the Bible was to be taken literally, word for word, inspired by the Holy Spirit who directed each person and made sure every part and every word was an accurate reflection of God and of history. I thought He was capable of preserving a spotless account of who He was and how He led and how He dealt with humans so that we would have clear guidelines on how to live our daily lives. Now I am confused.
Do you realize how many interpretations there are out there? Just a few simple verses can be at the heart of a denomination or congregational uproar, causing divisions, anger, bitterness, and endless segregation. How does one 'choose' who to worship with? Where to serve? That is where I am at present.
It started over a year ago and kept growing. Little things here and there that challenged me and confused me. People in churches telling me they didn't believe everything the church taught, didn't believe the whole Bible was literal, thought that human influence in the Word went beyond personal style and vocabulary to actually altering details for various reasons.
I am stuck now. Do I stick to the literal interpretations I have lived with for 20 years, showing grace and mercy to those who are more liberal or more conservative, but always believing that I was 'right'? Or do I accept that I may be wrong in some areas and have no real way of knowing that other than personal revelation? I may as well be speaking to Moroni in that case. How can I check my 'revelation' against the Word if it is not to be taken literally? One person told me to see how it matches up to the historical Church and Jesus as a whole and if it fits within that framework it is allowable. As a whole? I have read the whole book a few times and can't figure out the 'whole' point of half of it, how can I determine what was to be taken literal, what was humanly influenced and what was allegorical?
I am a black/white person. I cannot live in gray. My whole childhood was gray. Nothing was right or wrong, it depended on the person, the situation, the alcohol involved, the justification used, etc. I am finding that more than 50% of my faith is gray area. How can I put my trust in that? How can I stand on the shifting sand of time and interpretation and trust that I am understanding it close enough? Because God will reveal it to me? Then why didn't He do that to the people writing the Word in the first place?
That is where I am. That is habakkuk in the world of modern faith. The man who was determined to follow his God no matter what calamity might befall him. I want to be like him. I thought I was like him. I am believing in that God, I think, I just don't know how to actually 'do' that.
I have been reading my early posts on faith, works, and believing. Oddly enough, it all makes perfect sense. It is completely rational. I just don't know if it is true. It's kind of like the medical scientists of old believing that maggots spontaneously generated from meat. It made perfect sense. It was completely rational. Until they could look closer. Until they could test their belief. That's where I am now I guess. I am taking a closer look. If what I have believed is real, it will only serve to deepen my understanding. Just like the scientists who doubted the maggots came from the meat and tested it. They proved themselves right and their lives moved on. Those whose beliefs were disproven, studied it and accepted it and moved on. Most of them, at least. I don't know yet, which side of that equation I am going to end up in; but I do know that I am the scientist saying, "hmm...this just doesn't seem to fit."
Do you realize how many interpretations there are out there? Just a few simple verses can be at the heart of a denomination or congregational uproar, causing divisions, anger, bitterness, and endless segregation. How does one 'choose' who to worship with? Where to serve? That is where I am at present.
It started over a year ago and kept growing. Little things here and there that challenged me and confused me. People in churches telling me they didn't believe everything the church taught, didn't believe the whole Bible was literal, thought that human influence in the Word went beyond personal style and vocabulary to actually altering details for various reasons.
I am stuck now. Do I stick to the literal interpretations I have lived with for 20 years, showing grace and mercy to those who are more liberal or more conservative, but always believing that I was 'right'? Or do I accept that I may be wrong in some areas and have no real way of knowing that other than personal revelation? I may as well be speaking to Moroni in that case. How can I check my 'revelation' against the Word if it is not to be taken literally? One person told me to see how it matches up to the historical Church and Jesus as a whole and if it fits within that framework it is allowable. As a whole? I have read the whole book a few times and can't figure out the 'whole' point of half of it, how can I determine what was to be taken literal, what was humanly influenced and what was allegorical?
I am a black/white person. I cannot live in gray. My whole childhood was gray. Nothing was right or wrong, it depended on the person, the situation, the alcohol involved, the justification used, etc. I am finding that more than 50% of my faith is gray area. How can I put my trust in that? How can I stand on the shifting sand of time and interpretation and trust that I am understanding it close enough? Because God will reveal it to me? Then why didn't He do that to the people writing the Word in the first place?
That is where I am. That is habakkuk in the world of modern faith. The man who was determined to follow his God no matter what calamity might befall him. I want to be like him. I thought I was like him. I am believing in that God, I think, I just don't know how to actually 'do' that.
I have been reading my early posts on faith, works, and believing. Oddly enough, it all makes perfect sense. It is completely rational. I just don't know if it is true. It's kind of like the medical scientists of old believing that maggots spontaneously generated from meat. It made perfect sense. It was completely rational. Until they could look closer. Until they could test their belief. That's where I am now I guess. I am taking a closer look. If what I have believed is real, it will only serve to deepen my understanding. Just like the scientists who doubted the maggots came from the meat and tested it. They proved themselves right and their lives moved on. Those whose beliefs were disproven, studied it and accepted it and moved on. Most of them, at least. I don't know yet, which side of that equation I am going to end up in; but I do know that I am the scientist saying, "hmm...this just doesn't seem to fit."
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