Cleaning house...
September 12th 2008 17:53
...the house of friendship has become strangled with cobwebs and the stench of self centeredness, malefic agendas hidden behind closed locked doors. How can you know someone or think you know someone and be so totally wrong? As you may have speculated I am still somewhat blindsided about the eye opening events of the last month. There are some aspects that I will attempt to explain that happened to me, that I will never, ever be able to wrap my head around let alone my cerebration. I have known some of the friends for over a generation, there are some that, who related, held me in, what I thought to be safe and loving arms.
It all started when my domestic partner of thirteen years, Paul , I have mentioned his name now and then, and I were allowed by the courts of California, not its' people, to be married.
No, kidding. My Aunt the Sunday before our ceremony called and tried her best to upset what should be a happy time, followed by friend of years calling me stupid and of "unimportance". And in between this all happening, my first cousin on my fathers side who has been dead since1965, my father, not my cousin, tells me my father denied me; she is the lie life giving person and the relative's whose arms I felt loved and safe in even though only four years seperate us. That one, stung the most and I am still in shock as I write this. Can you suffer PTSD from someones inability to feel any joy unless directly their own joy? I am so puzzled, baffled, stymied, frightened as to what could possibly be the motive, their reasining for this horrible scheming useless diatribe. What will these individuals gain from their behavior? I don't get it. It just seems mean and unwarranted.
The energy that makes up that kind of being for lack of better explanation, is incomprehensible and pernicious. Energy like that inflicts harm on others without the source's awareness. When that energy is focused beware! I have been caught up in that universal force and energy that comes complete with it's own "blackhole". You know what I speak of, you have this energy manifesting in your life as I write and as you read. This energy comes in all forms. But remember, if you are a good person and you know in your heart of souls that to be true, this energy, you will realize, is not your energy. You may have attracted or been attracted to this energy, but it is not yours, not if in your soul, you are true of heart. Try to remember that, for that energy has a way of making doubts and lies have that ring of truth, but it is not a true ring. Listen to your heart and if it true you will know the right action to take. you will have no choice but TO take the right true course.
There has been a whilrwind of discovery since and before our wedding date of 14 August 2008, you would think getting married on a slow end of the week, Thursday, would go unnoticed. You would think? Does anyone really want to hear how friends and family can spead hatefulness and give lies life? I find it embarrassing and the only reason why I have been able to vent is all who read this, are lovely and complete strangers, whom may be nodding there heads in agreement. What is one to do? I truly am baffled at what people are capable all in the name of love.
No, kidding. My Aunt the Sunday before our ceremony called and tried her best to upset what should be a happy time, followed by friend of years calling me stupid and of "unimportance". And in between this all happening, my first cousin on my fathers side who has been dead since1965, my father, not my cousin, tells me my father denied me; she is the lie life giving person and the relative's whose arms I felt loved and safe in even though only four years seperate us. That one, stung the most and I am still in shock as I write this. Can you suffer PTSD from someones inability to feel any joy unless directly their own joy? I am so puzzled, baffled, stymied, frightened as to what could possibly be the motive, their reasining for this horrible scheming useless diatribe. What will these individuals gain from their behavior? I don't get it. It just seems mean and unwarranted.
The energy that makes up that kind of being for lack of better explanation, is incomprehensible and pernicious. Energy like that inflicts harm on others without the source's awareness. When that energy is focused beware! I have been caught up in that universal force and energy that comes complete with it's own "blackhole". You know what I speak of, you have this energy manifesting in your life as I write and as you read. This energy comes in all forms. But remember, if you are a good person and you know in your heart of souls that to be true, this energy, you will realize, is not your energy. You may have attracted or been attracted to this energy, but it is not yours, not if in your soul, you are true of heart. Try to remember that, for that energy has a way of making doubts and lies have that ring of truth, but it is not a true ring. Listen to your heart and if it true you will know the right action to take. you will have no choice but TO take the right true course.
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