The Voices in my HeadClaim Tears at Your Funeral
December 14th 2006 02:39
My sister-in-law died this past Wednesday morning at 2:00a.m. She left behind a five year old son and a 13 year old daughter. This is not a post to wax poetic about what a great woman she was.
This is a post to tell the truth of her life and what I have learned from it. She was married to my brother for 15 years. She manipulated and bullied him, she was suspected of abusing her son, and she had nothing to do with her daughter, other than to tell her to clean the house or do the laundry. She was not a nice person to be around. She held everyone at arms length, just close enough to lash out and smack if the mood struck.
I do not do this with disrespect, the telling of this story. I do this for a point, which I will get to in a minute. I do not do this to speak ill of the dead, I do this to be honest. I did not think well of her when she was alive and I will not be a hypocrite now that she is dead.
The truth, which was shockingly apparent at her funeral, was that she was not a nice person, the sort of person who invoked tears when she died or whose life will inspire acts of goodness and kindness.
Her children did not shed a single tear at her visitation. I didn't stay for the funeral. I don't know what happened there. What I do know is that now, for the first time, those children may have a great Christmas, in a clean home, with a tree and a meal that did not come from a box.
I posted on Norm's ‘Equal and Opposite’ blog a comment which read: "A person's wretchedness is not known until their funeral. Their wretchedness is directly proportionate to the amount of tissues needed at their funeral and for what purpose those tissues were used for."
I want tissues to be used for tears, not tossing off. In fact, I want tears to flow like rain at my funeral.
Not because I want people to miss me, but because the manner of my life was such that they would. I want to know I make a positive impact on those I touch. Do not get me wrong. I am not saying I want everyone to follow me to the grave. But I want to know that people will feel a loss.
The only reason that we feel loss and grief for those who have passed is because of the manner of person they were in life. We miss the smile, the jokes, the hugs, the warmth, something about that person that impacted our lives.
I'm just being honest here. I want to be the sort of person who has impacted those I come into contact with. I want to claim those tears at my funeral.
Claim your tears with those you love. Claim them from the young child you volunteer spending time with. Claim them from the children you teach. Claim them with every person you come into contact with.
A statistic I read about several years ago estimated that we are all 6 people away from knowing everyone else in the world. Meet those six people. Do something for someone else today. Make the world a better place for your desire to claim tears at your funeral. This is my New Year's Resolution...to claim tears. I am going to go out of my way a minimum of once per week to do something for someone else.
If I know someone is having a bad day at work, I will leave them a card or note.
If my mother is tired from her work week, I will go clean her house.
If my friend is sad, I will buy her a flower or a candle.
If I know of someone who has suffered something, I will do something to ease the burden.
I am tired of the misery of humanity. Aren't you? Are you as tired as I am of the 'fuck it, it isn't my problem' mentality of the world today? The only reason other people feel that way is because they have experienced something painful and no one cared to do anything about it. Bitterness is a disease, it is highly communicable and it is easily healed or easily aggravated. This year, I want to be about the business of healing bitterness in the world, not spreading the infection of it.
This is a post to tell the truth of her life and what I have learned from it. She was married to my brother for 15 years. She manipulated and bullied him, she was suspected of abusing her son, and she had nothing to do with her daughter, other than to tell her to clean the house or do the laundry. She was not a nice person to be around. She held everyone at arms length, just close enough to lash out and smack if the mood struck.
I do not do this with disrespect, the telling of this story. I do this for a point, which I will get to in a minute. I do not do this to speak ill of the dead, I do this to be honest. I did not think well of her when she was alive and I will not be a hypocrite now that she is dead.
The truth, which was shockingly apparent at her funeral, was that she was not a nice person, the sort of person who invoked tears when she died or whose life will inspire acts of goodness and kindness.
Her children did not shed a single tear at her visitation. I didn't stay for the funeral. I don't know what happened there. What I do know is that now, for the first time, those children may have a great Christmas, in a clean home, with a tree and a meal that did not come from a box.
I posted on Norm's ‘Equal and Opposite’ blog a comment which read: "A person's wretchedness is not known until their funeral. Their wretchedness is directly proportionate to the amount of tissues needed at their funeral and for what purpose those tissues were used for."
I want tissues to be used for tears, not tossing off. In fact, I want tears to flow like rain at my funeral.
Not because I want people to miss me, but because the manner of my life was such that they would. I want to know I make a positive impact on those I touch. Do not get me wrong. I am not saying I want everyone to follow me to the grave. But I want to know that people will feel a loss.
The only reason that we feel loss and grief for those who have passed is because of the manner of person they were in life. We miss the smile, the jokes, the hugs, the warmth, something about that person that impacted our lives.
I'm just being honest here. I want to be the sort of person who has impacted those I come into contact with. I want to claim those tears at my funeral.
Claim your tears with those you love. Claim them from the young child you volunteer spending time with. Claim them from the children you teach. Claim them with every person you come into contact with.
A statistic I read about several years ago estimated that we are all 6 people away from knowing everyone else in the world. Meet those six people. Do something for someone else today. Make the world a better place for your desire to claim tears at your funeral. This is my New Year's Resolution...to claim tears. I am going to go out of my way a minimum of once per week to do something for someone else.
If I know someone is having a bad day at work, I will leave them a card or note.
If my mother is tired from her work week, I will go clean her house.
If my friend is sad, I will buy her a flower or a candle.
If I know of someone who has suffered something, I will do something to ease the burden.
I am tired of the misery of humanity. Aren't you? Are you as tired as I am of the 'fuck it, it isn't my problem' mentality of the world today? The only reason other people feel that way is because they have experienced something painful and no one cared to do anything about it. Bitterness is a disease, it is highly communicable and it is easily healed or easily aggravated. This year, I want to be about the business of healing bitterness in the world, not spreading the infection of it.
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Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Ahmed
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Comment by LaurenD
LaurenD
Comment by DuskDevi
Rugby World Cup 2007
You have been missed. I couldn't hear the sound of you anyMOre.
I too am sorry to say that I am not sorry for the loss...harsh but true.
I got tired of the misery of humanity a long time ago.
Life may be short but it's the longest thing we truly do know...why waste the length of brevity with shortness of humanity?
I don't intend to claim my tears. It's not an intention, just hope...
Devi
Comment by Hellvis
Earache Hotel
I know how you feel. My mother died in August this year. Hers was one of the funerals where everyone was crying. If I've ever known anyone who left a positive impact on this world it was her. Even people who had only met her once were at the funeral--and crying!
The only other funeral I remember going to was her father's. There were people crying at his funeral too, but it angered me that anyone should shed tears for this man. It makes the tears that they shed at my Mum's funeral seem cheap, although in fairness, they probably had no idea of his true nature. I felt nothing at his funeral but relief and couldn't be gladder that he was gone. He had cast a shadow over our lives for too long.
Good to see you make something positive out of death, Voices. I've been trying to follow my mother's example and you just gave me the extra little boost I needed.
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
I am always deeply affected by someone's death, even if I knew them minimally. This is the first time I have been affected in this manner. It has taken a lot out of me recently and I am thankful for what has come out of it.
Please come back anytime,
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
Be more thankful for the end of tyranny. Her children will be fine. I will see to that.
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
I have missed you...good to see you here.
Thank you, as always, for your honesty.
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
I was afraid that I had dreamed of your existence...so good to see you here....you have been missed.
I can tell you, tears will pour at your death. How could they not?
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
It may be that the tears shed at your mother's funeral were genuine of sorrow and loss...it could be that the tears shed at your grandfather's funeral were of regret, of all the things he should have been told, etc. I hope that is the case. Even if it were not, that is what I would claim. It sounds like your mother was a lovely woman. Your tears blessed her. As a mother myself, I can tell you that we are plagued by 'did I make the right decision?' 'Why did I yell at them?' 'I could have been a better mother.'
I am sure that your tears and grief would have blessed her in the sense that despite those questions we ask ourselves as mothers, you answered them with your tears.
Blessings, and come back,
Voices~
Comment by tinkster
of my faults then so be it. I just know that I am very happy when I make others happy. I feel I
have been very blessed with values that were given to me by my parents. I know there will
be tears at both of their funerals. You have already started touching people with your post today.
I do hope your sister-in-laws children have someone to lead them by example. I hope they know
what love is, and how to treat other human beings. If you are in their life at all then they have had
an example by you!!! (smile)
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
I do plan to be there for these kids and teach them about love and kindness, about family and loyalty. Thank you for the compliment...I appreciate it.
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by Wendi
This was a sad bite of reality.