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In the USA they call it equally shared parenting. It means Mum and Dad, still together, looking after their kids equally. In Australia, mention the term shared parenting and you are automatically talking about divorced or separated families. Isn't that weird? The only people here doing equal shared parenting are actually doing it in separate houses.
Of course that's not true. There must be people in Australia living this way. In fact I know a few of them. But according to studies, most families in Australia still operate along traditional lines, with women doing most of the housework and child rearing. The added bonus is that many women now get to do paid work as well as running the home front.
The point of this blog is to rally support for the idea of sharing everything - the childraising, the paid work, the timeout and the housework. This is the nirvana we have been chasing at our house for the past 8 years. Sometimes we have even achieved it. If you look at this website, www.equallysharedparenting.com you'll see some ideas about this.
And I'll take it a step further to include developing independent children who learn from a young age to be participants in family life, rather than passengers.
I'd like to hear from other Australians trying to achieve this kind of work/life balance. Surely we owe it to our children and ourselves to create a family life where no one feels ripped off.
Sussex Inlet (or 'Sussex Singlet' as my children call it) on the South Coast of NSW is still virtually undiscovered by 'big tourism' and thank goodness for that. It is as daggy* as Budgewoi was in 1982 (voted most daggy holiday destination in the all-important Dolly magazine.)
Daggy it may be, but pristine is another adjective I'd use. You can see from these recent photographs Sussex Inlet could easily be confused with a tropical island. Clear blue water, fine white sand and very few tourists.
Sussex Inlet is a full to the brim with retirees and service clubs. If a $10 bistro meal is your idea of heaven, the Singlet is for you. But, if you're like me, you could still love Sussex despite the clubs. The thing to love about Sussex is going back in time. When life was slower. No such thing as a fancy holiday, just a caravan or a fibro shack down the coast. It's as Aussie as cracking open a beer, while fishing in your tinnie**.
After a recent diet of five star resorts, I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed the family holidays to Sussex (or Budgewoi - they were much the same.) Lying about on an old lounge, reading a book. Going for a swim, watching the cricket, having a BBQ with friends and family. The kids, out riding their bikes, nowhere to be seen till dinner time.
It's the art of doing nothing. Bliss.
* daggy - uncool
** tinnie - can mean an aluminium boat, but can also mean a can of beer
Sussex Inlet, NSW
What would you do if you found out you only had a year to live? How would you spend your time?
My father died when he was 56 and even before that, he was 'dying' for 10 years. In the back of my mind, I've never wanted to leave 'living' till I retire, just in case early death is hereditary.
The answer to the question of how to live your life when time may be short, is complex and confronting. I want to see the world. I want to enjoy time with my family. I want to make a difference - leave a legacy. But how does all that play out amongst the detritus of life? It's hard to make every day count when the washing basket is overflowing, your children are fighting over the remote and the Aussie dollar is sliding faster than bald tyres on black ice.
Australia is one of the most work-obsessed countries in the world. Apparently we work longer hours than most other developed countries and yet, no-one ever includes work in their list of things to do in the last year of life. It's as if we have all become trapped on an endless airport travelator and can't find the exit.
About this time of year, we start to think about New Year's resolutions. What will I do this year that could reduce the discrepancy between what I say is important to me and how I actually live?
In 2009, in fact, right now, I'm going to start living as if this is my last year on earth. That way, I can always feel I've lived my life without regret.
Remembrance Day is so important. As the years pass and the number of World War One and Two veterans decreases, it's possible to lose touch with the enormous sacrifice these men made for Australia. Since then, many more soldiers have fought bravely in wars, some of which were extremely unpopular at home. This does not lessen the need to honour men and women who have fought to maintain Australia's freedom.
But what of those we fought against? We see in the popularity of Gallipoli tourism, that in post war times, we must engage with those who were once our enemies. Australians and Turks together maintaining a site of great significance to Australians
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Doesn't every child love the zoo? Apparently not.
We'd been planning to visit Western Plains Zoo in Dubbo for years, and finally we made it these last holidays. The only other time we'd been there was BC (Before Children) and we remembered it fondly as a day spent riding bikes around a big open zoo, looking at exotic wild animals
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September 22nd 2008 02:22
My parents were fond of reminding us of the starving children in Africa whenever we wouldn't eat dinner/wanted a new toy/ were generally unhappy in life.
The refugee camp set up by Medicin Sans Frontiere (MSF) or Doctors without borders, in Martin Place this week, was much more effective than my parents nagging. The idea of the 'Refugee camp in your city' is to raise awareness (and money) about the plight of the millions of refugees in the world
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September 11th 2008 03:41
Appalling is how I'd describe my night's sleep last weekend at the Breakfree on George, in George Street, Sydney. I admit I'm a bad sleeper. I love to travel but rarely sleep well when I do. Hence, I take over the counter medications to help sleep along.
But even with a dose of medicine, sleep was almost impossible on level one of the Breakfree on George. The front of the hotel faces George Street and the back faces Sussex, so no matter where you are, the noise is inescapable. The windows were so ineffectual, I could hear entire conversations being carried out on the street. Not only that, but the street sweeper or garbage truck that came past at 5am was actually inside my room. I'm sure of it
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It's only a month since my last holiday and already I've got itchy feet. Whenever I get home to my own bed, I think: "That trip will last me for ages!" I guess 'ages' must be a month then. About as long as it takes to finally unpack my bags.
To be fair, my last solo trip was nearly two years ago. I've started to look longingly into the travel agent window on my way up to school. A girl has to dream. I've also taken to actually reading all those travel email newsletters that clog up my inbox
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Still feeling virtuous after my visit with the kids to the Boone Gallery for children in Los Angeles, I've done it again. If I keep this up, I'll be the envy (or something worse) of the mothers at school after my latest art appreciation exploit.
On a recent trip to Brisbane, again as a single parent, I needed activities and plenty of them. Even someone who was sent out of art in Year 7 (me) has heard of Picasso, so when I saw that his work was on show at Brisbane's Gallery of Modern Art (GoMA), I was keen for a look
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Here's a tip - try not to break your arm the day before going to a theme park!
We all know that going to theme parks is a favourite holiday acitivity for most children (and parents like me.) The build up lasts for weeks, if not months. "47 more days till we go to Sea World." You know the drill. For the computer literate, hours can be spent on the website, checking out the best rides, planning the trip and generally getting excited
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Comment by christine Hillman Keyes
on Frequent flyer fiasco - have you ever been upgraded?
Travel Ramble
MumDad2Kids
He is probably a higher 'rank' of frequent flyer if he travels often overseas. Maybe that makes all the difference. I'm a lowly bronze or silver! You've given me hope, though. Maybe one day...