Childhood friends...
July 22nd 2008 00:15
...from grade school, first grade St Mary's school. Faces and people you think you have forgotten or do not even recall can all come flooding over you with just one innocent phone call from the past.
I got that phone call and a tsunami of flashbacks, nothing worse then your childhood flashing back at you and you are not dying, frightening. It was "B". I wasn't shocked or surprised, I had just been speaking about her and she herself told me that earlier that week she had been speaking of me. Odd, no, it is what happens to us all, that is why I know we are all connected, whether we know one another or not.
The phone call wiped away forty years, the last time we saw each other we were thirteen and she was leaving, being sent away because she stood up for who she was and what she wanted, not cool and she ended up gone. Parents can do that with children, make them disappear.
Everything changed, in what seemed like a flash, we, my best friend and I, the only person I could be my true self around was gone. Did she feel the same way? Doubtful, as she grew that summer from a young girl into a seasoned women, I had just discovered my sexuality, I was still waiting to act upon it.
Lost into all the lies I could tell myself, that I was this and I was that and I had that and I had this, anything so as not reveal my true self, that self I knew in my heart of hearts was not liked but would be scorned and ridiculed and laughed at. Who wouldn't try to stop that treatment. But, it was the hiding the secrets, the lies that eventually did me in; it is so much work to keep all that in order.
Years have passed, no more secrets, no more lies, no more need to hide who I was, because that person does not have to exist anymore, in order to survive. It was the phone call that brought that person back to the surface. A gentle reminder? Something I should not let myself forget?
Perhaps...
I got that phone call and a tsunami of flashbacks, nothing worse then your childhood flashing back at you and you are not dying, frightening. It was "B". I wasn't shocked or surprised, I had just been speaking about her and she herself told me that earlier that week she had been speaking of me. Odd, no, it is what happens to us all, that is why I know we are all connected, whether we know one another or not.
Everything changed, in what seemed like a flash, we, my best friend and I, the only person I could be my true self around was gone. Did she feel the same way? Doubtful, as she grew that summer from a young girl into a seasoned women, I had just discovered my sexuality, I was still waiting to act upon it.
Lost into all the lies I could tell myself, that I was this and I was that and I had that and I had this, anything so as not reveal my true self, that self I knew in my heart of hearts was not liked but would be scorned and ridiculed and laughed at. Who wouldn't try to stop that treatment. But, it was the hiding the secrets, the lies that eventually did me in; it is so much work to keep all that in order.
Years have passed, no more secrets, no more lies, no more need to hide who I was, because that person does not have to exist anymore, in order to survive. It was the phone call that brought that person back to the surface. A gentle reminder? Something I should not let myself forget?
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