Chapter 40
April 21st 2010 19:46
I was dreading going to school this morning. I was worried how much the gossip had spread about my encounter with Mark; people were far too interested in my life these days. I pulled on a long sleeved sweater, so at least their peering eyes wouldn’t have a feast on my wrist. I parked in the student parking lot and made my way to the sidewalk. Sitting on the back of the first bench, to my surprise, was Channing.
“Hey, you’re here early.” I said making my way over to him.
“Yeah, woke up early this morning. Thought I’d surprise you; walk you in.” He replied with a quick hug and light kiss.
“Well, good surprise.” I said with a smile as we started walking hand in hand past the dozens of unloading buses.
“Why’d you wake up early? Couldn’t sleep last night?” I asked.
“Not really. I had so many things swirling around in my mind, I guess.” He replied.
“Oh.” I replied as my eyes dropped as if to search the ground for something to say.
“Yeah, I want to do this recruiting thing right, you know? It’s a lot to put yourself out there hoping a coach thinks you’re good enough. Are you worried about getting picked up?” he asked.
I blew out a sigh of relief; it was nice to think about something else. “I got a letter from a coach last year after the State game. Before that I didn’t really think about it to be honest. Deciding to go for it has made narrowing down college choices much easier. I think I have a good chance; I’m looking at a few Division I and II schools more seriously now and I’ll see who seems the most interested and what school fits me the best. I would love to play so that’s a big deciding factor.”
“Wow. You’ve thought about it much more than I have, have you started applications yet?” he asked as we entered our building.
“Yeah. You should have seen me this summer, my dad made me list every single school in the country that had field hockey, and then I had to narrow it down from there.” I answered rolling my eyes.
“My parents have been on me too, but not as bad. They’ve been through it all before, so they’re just starting to get on my case now about it, because they know I’d wait to the last minute if they didn’t.” he said as we walked down the hall.
We saw Andrea and Lisa standing at their lockers as we approached, “Hey.” I greeted them.
“Let me see.” Andrea came bolting to me. “I want to see it right now.”
“See what?” I asked confused at first before she started pawing at my arm.
I pulled it out of her reach, “No, are you serious? It’s not that big of a deal.” I said turning to spin my lock.
“Were you even going to tell me? I had to hear it from someone else. I want to see it.” She said not backing down, with Lisa right behind her.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing it today either, I didn’t want to ask you in front of your dad yesterday.” Channing said offering out his hand.
I was annoyed, but knew that arguing would only make it worse. I put my hand in Channing’s and he pushed up my sweater.
“Whoa.” Andrea replied.
“It’s not that bad. Look it’s already starting to go away.” I said pointing to the sickly yellowish green color on the edges of deep purple.
“It might be going away, but that’s like, really bad.” Lisa said, with Andrea nodding yes with her mouth still open.
“Fine. It’s bad. But I don’t really want to do a show-and-tell all day, so if someone asks – it’s not that bad, okay?” I said turning one more time to my locker.
The girls nodded and they exchanged a look with Channing before they dispersed back to their lockers. Channing rubbed my back quickly before heading towards his locker.
I swallowed the ball of anger in my throat as I pulled out my books. As we walked up to homeroom, I felt some people staring and whispering as I walked by and all I could do was try and look as if nothing happened, nothing was wrong.
“Remember don’t wait for me before lunch. I’m meeting your dad today that period.” Channing said as we entered homeroom.
“Right. See you in English.” I replied.
All morning I had a big lump in my stomach. I felt as if everyone was staring at me. I wasn’t sure if it was just paranoia or really happening. At least in class I could fend them off most of the time pretending to be focused on the notes or my work. But when I got to my locker before lunch, I debated with myself ‘Maybe I should go out for lunch, be by myself’ but then I thought ‘what if I run into Mark? I’d rather be in the lunch room with a bunch of people and run into him then by myself off school grounds. Lunch room it is.’ I said to myself as I shut the locker door.
I headed up the stairs and blew a sigh of relief when I scanned the lunch table; no sign of Mark. As soon as I sat Bob asked, “Hey, no Chan-man today?”
“No, he has a meeting with my dad.” I said taking out my sandwich.
“Oh, that’s right. He mentioned that. To be a fly on the wall in that room... ” Bob replied with a huff.
“Why’s that? Recruiting videos aren’t that exciting.” I said taking a bite of my sandwich.
Bob twitched, hesitating before he answered hurriedly, “Oh, yeah. Well, I guess not.”
I furrowed my brow with slight confusion as Bob avoided eye contact with me. “You know something I don’t?” I asked.
‘Nope... No.” he replied shaking his head as he shoved a handful of potato chips in his mouth.
I squinted at him and let out a sigh. ‘He was lying.’ I thought as I reached to the middle of the table for a napkin. Bob grabbed my elbow fast, pulling me out of my seat towards him.
“Shit Bob, what the hell?!” I said before I realized when I reached my sweater rode up enough to expose some of the bruises. He was lifting up the sleeve even more when I pulled my arm away from him, sitting back down to hide it again. All eyes at the table were now on me.
“Seriously?” Bob asked pointing.
I let out a big sigh as I pulled my sleeve as far as it would go, “Yeah. Thanks Bob.” I said sarcastically in a low voice.
“I’ll be surprised if Mark even makes it out of that office alive.” Bob said under his breath to Mike next to him.
“What?” I said, it all was starting to click in my head.
“Nothing.” Bob replied taking another handful of chips.
This time I grabbed him by the arm and yanked his large un-expecting ass off the chair and pulled him with me into the hall. “What did you say?” I said fast and furious.
He grumbled, shifted from one foot to the other. “Kristi... ” he tried to reason with me.
“Bob. You know something I don’t. I want to hear it. Now!” I said quickly.
“Fine. Channing didn’t have a recruiting meeting with your dad today. He found out he was going to talk to Mark during lunch and asked him if he could be there too.” Bob paused.
I sucked in a breath, shifting my gaze to the windows before I let it out again.
“I didn’t know he didn’t tell you... ” he trailed off, coming around to put his arm around my shoulder.
Before he could, I pushed back open the cafeteria door, “It’s fine.” I said back at him.
I sat there, eating my lunch, trying to ignore the anger building up and instead tried to put on a good face for the people around me just so they wouldn’t ask questions.
I kept quiet during Calculus, while questions whirled around in my head. I hate when people keep things from me.
When I walked into English class, he was all smiles until he saw my disappointed face and slight shake of my head no as I sat down in front of him. I heard him rip a page out of his notebook and feverishly start writing. When he passed it up to me, I took it and slid it under my book without opening it. I closed my eyes for a second, biting my tongue in hopes I wouldn’t cry or burst in anger. He tried to pass me a second note, but I didn’t take that one.
“Kristi. . .Kristi.” Channing whispered from behind me when Mr. Vojt turned to write on the blackboard.
“Mr. Tatus, is there a problem?” Mr. Vojt swung around.
“Sorry, sir.” Channing replied.
“That did not answer my question, Channing.” Mr. Vojt placed the piece of chalk he was holding on the rim of blackboard.
“No problem that can’t wait until after class, Mr. Vojt.” Channing answered defeated.
“Glad to hear that... ” Mr. Vojt replied before launching back into his lecture.
When the bell rung, Channing quickly said, “Can we talk?”
As I packed my things into my backpack I replied, “Not right now.”
I swung my backpack over my shoulder and headed for the door when Channing grabbed my arm, “Kristi, wait. . .”
I turned back to him, close enough that our faces were only inches apart as I said in a low flat voice, “I’m really getting sick of guys grabbing me.”
Channing's hand fell from my arm, unable to say anything so I continued, “I said not right now.”
I made it out of class before Channing even moved.
I wanted to see what he wrote. Why he had to make up a story instead of just telling me the truth. Sure, I would have objected to him being at the meeting with my dad and Mark, but I probably would have given into it if he had just told me he wanted to be there. Did he think he was protecting me? From what? I thought as I sat down in my 8th period class, unfolding the piece of paper:
"I’m guessing you heard. Don’t be mad at me. Let me explain.”
'That’s it!?' I thought. Maybe the second note had more of the ‘explanation’, but I didn’t pick that one up. Damn it. I thought as I crumbled the note back up.
I went down to the lockers as usual after class; there was no other way around it. As I suspected Channing was there talking with my friends as I approached.
“Kristi.” Channing said when he saw me.
“Hi.” I said whizzing by all of them to spin my lock.
‘Can I explain?” he said watching me exchange books and notebooks.
“Go ahead.” I said shutting my locker as I began walking. “Bye guys.” I said to the rest of the group.
Johnna pushed Channing forward as he jogged to catch up to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Didn’t tell me what?” I said back coolly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I went to the meeting with your dad and Mark today.” He blurted out.
I stopped for a second to turn and look at him, “You didn’t just not tell me... You made up a cover story, told other people the truth and I had to hear about it from Bob in the middle of lunch.” I said before turning to walk again.
“Ugh... Bob told you? I’m going to kill him... ” he responded.
I stopped again and in disbelief I said, “Why kill him? At least he told me the truth. You’re the one I’m supposed to be able to trust; the one I’ve been leaning on through all this; and you’re the one that kept something from me.”
“Sorry... Kristi, I’m sorry.” He said as he followed me along the sidewalk. “I was going to tell you this afternoon; after it was done. I didn’t want you to worry or try to talk me out of it, so I lied... Kristi. I… I… needed to be there. Needed to hear first hand... so I knew it would be really done.” He said as I kept walking.
“And you think if you told me that beforehand, I wouldn’t have understood?” I asked.
He hesitated, “I… I didn’t think about that. I just thought you’d be worried about the whole thing if I told you and I didn’t want you to be worried.”
“Yeah, well. This way was much better… I got to be worried about it, plus be mad that my boyfriend lied to me about it.” I said as I reached my car, getting in, slamming him out.
I was at the grass practice field early, pulled out my stick and extra balls and hit the cage. I was glad we weren’t sharing the turf field with football this week.
My coach was the next to arrive, toting an equipment bag as she heard the round of hits into the cage. “Whoa, Kristi those are getting strong!” she said, oblivious.
“Yeah.” I mustered up before lining the balls up for another round.
Field hockey’s usually my cure for everything, but this time it just didn’t seem to help.
When I finally got home, my mom met me in the breezeway as I took off my cleats. “There’s a plate from dinner waiting for you.” She said.
“I’m not hungry.” I replied sliding off my shin guards.
“You have to eat something.” She replied.
I concealed my eyes rolling as I placed my cleats on the shoe rack, “Fine.”
I sat at the table, and poked the food on the plate as Mom sat down with me. “Channing called.” She said easily.
“Oh yeah?” I said forcing myself to take bite of some chicken.
“He said that you were upset with him.” She said abruptly.
“Hmph.” I replied.
“Do you want to tell me why you’re mad at him?” she asked.
“Not really.” I answered as I continued to poke my food around the plate. She tilted her head as she looked at me and sighed.
“Fine... ” I started with a sigh and told her what happened.
When I was finished, she replied, “I understand why you’re upset, but I think he had good intentions. It wasn’t a malicious lie, Kristi. Think about it.” She patted my hand and got up from the table. “And eat at least a few more bites before you waste away to nothing.”
I sighed again, shoveling another forkful of food into my mouth. I knew she was right, but I just needed time to get there.
“Hey, you’re here early.” I said making my way over to him.
“Yeah, woke up early this morning. Thought I’d surprise you; walk you in.” He replied with a quick hug and light kiss.
“Well, good surprise.” I said with a smile as we started walking hand in hand past the dozens of unloading buses.
“Why’d you wake up early? Couldn’t sleep last night?” I asked.
“Not really. I had so many things swirling around in my mind, I guess.” He replied.
“Oh.” I replied as my eyes dropped as if to search the ground for something to say.
“Yeah, I want to do this recruiting thing right, you know? It’s a lot to put yourself out there hoping a coach thinks you’re good enough. Are you worried about getting picked up?” he asked.
I blew out a sigh of relief; it was nice to think about something else. “I got a letter from a coach last year after the State game. Before that I didn’t really think about it to be honest. Deciding to go for it has made narrowing down college choices much easier. I think I have a good chance; I’m looking at a few Division I and II schools more seriously now and I’ll see who seems the most interested and what school fits me the best. I would love to play so that’s a big deciding factor.”
“Wow. You’ve thought about it much more than I have, have you started applications yet?” he asked as we entered our building.
“Yeah. You should have seen me this summer, my dad made me list every single school in the country that had field hockey, and then I had to narrow it down from there.” I answered rolling my eyes.
“My parents have been on me too, but not as bad. They’ve been through it all before, so they’re just starting to get on my case now about it, because they know I’d wait to the last minute if they didn’t.” he said as we walked down the hall.
We saw Andrea and Lisa standing at their lockers as we approached, “Hey.” I greeted them.
“Let me see.” Andrea came bolting to me. “I want to see it right now.”
“See what?” I asked confused at first before she started pawing at my arm.
I pulled it out of her reach, “No, are you serious? It’s not that big of a deal.” I said turning to spin my lock.
“Were you even going to tell me? I had to hear it from someone else. I want to see it.” She said not backing down, with Lisa right behind her.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing it today either, I didn’t want to ask you in front of your dad yesterday.” Channing said offering out his hand.
I was annoyed, but knew that arguing would only make it worse. I put my hand in Channing’s and he pushed up my sweater.
“Whoa.” Andrea replied.
“It’s not that bad. Look it’s already starting to go away.” I said pointing to the sickly yellowish green color on the edges of deep purple.
“It might be going away, but that’s like, really bad.” Lisa said, with Andrea nodding yes with her mouth still open.
“Fine. It’s bad. But I don’t really want to do a show-and-tell all day, so if someone asks – it’s not that bad, okay?” I said turning one more time to my locker.
The girls nodded and they exchanged a look with Channing before they dispersed back to their lockers. Channing rubbed my back quickly before heading towards his locker.
I swallowed the ball of anger in my throat as I pulled out my books. As we walked up to homeroom, I felt some people staring and whispering as I walked by and all I could do was try and look as if nothing happened, nothing was wrong.
“Remember don’t wait for me before lunch. I’m meeting your dad today that period.” Channing said as we entered homeroom.
“Right. See you in English.” I replied.
All morning I had a big lump in my stomach. I felt as if everyone was staring at me. I wasn’t sure if it was just paranoia or really happening. At least in class I could fend them off most of the time pretending to be focused on the notes or my work. But when I got to my locker before lunch, I debated with myself ‘Maybe I should go out for lunch, be by myself’ but then I thought ‘what if I run into Mark? I’d rather be in the lunch room with a bunch of people and run into him then by myself off school grounds. Lunch room it is.’ I said to myself as I shut the locker door.
I headed up the stairs and blew a sigh of relief when I scanned the lunch table; no sign of Mark. As soon as I sat Bob asked, “Hey, no Chan-man today?”
“No, he has a meeting with my dad.” I said taking out my sandwich.
“Oh, that’s right. He mentioned that. To be a fly on the wall in that room... ” Bob replied with a huff.
“Why’s that? Recruiting videos aren’t that exciting.” I said taking a bite of my sandwich.
Bob twitched, hesitating before he answered hurriedly, “Oh, yeah. Well, I guess not.”
I furrowed my brow with slight confusion as Bob avoided eye contact with me. “You know something I don’t?” I asked.
‘Nope... No.” he replied shaking his head as he shoved a handful of potato chips in his mouth.
I squinted at him and let out a sigh. ‘He was lying.’ I thought as I reached to the middle of the table for a napkin. Bob grabbed my elbow fast, pulling me out of my seat towards him.
“Shit Bob, what the hell?!” I said before I realized when I reached my sweater rode up enough to expose some of the bruises. He was lifting up the sleeve even more when I pulled my arm away from him, sitting back down to hide it again. All eyes at the table were now on me.
“Seriously?” Bob asked pointing.
I let out a big sigh as I pulled my sleeve as far as it would go, “Yeah. Thanks Bob.” I said sarcastically in a low voice.
“I’ll be surprised if Mark even makes it out of that office alive.” Bob said under his breath to Mike next to him.
“What?” I said, it all was starting to click in my head.
“Nothing.” Bob replied taking another handful of chips.
This time I grabbed him by the arm and yanked his large un-expecting ass off the chair and pulled him with me into the hall. “What did you say?” I said fast and furious.
He grumbled, shifted from one foot to the other. “Kristi... ” he tried to reason with me.
“Bob. You know something I don’t. I want to hear it. Now!” I said quickly.
“Fine. Channing didn’t have a recruiting meeting with your dad today. He found out he was going to talk to Mark during lunch and asked him if he could be there too.” Bob paused.
I sucked in a breath, shifting my gaze to the windows before I let it out again.
“I didn’t know he didn’t tell you... ” he trailed off, coming around to put his arm around my shoulder.
Before he could, I pushed back open the cafeteria door, “It’s fine.” I said back at him.
I sat there, eating my lunch, trying to ignore the anger building up and instead tried to put on a good face for the people around me just so they wouldn’t ask questions.
I kept quiet during Calculus, while questions whirled around in my head. I hate when people keep things from me.
When I walked into English class, he was all smiles until he saw my disappointed face and slight shake of my head no as I sat down in front of him. I heard him rip a page out of his notebook and feverishly start writing. When he passed it up to me, I took it and slid it under my book without opening it. I closed my eyes for a second, biting my tongue in hopes I wouldn’t cry or burst in anger. He tried to pass me a second note, but I didn’t take that one.
“Kristi. . .Kristi.” Channing whispered from behind me when Mr. Vojt turned to write on the blackboard.
“Mr. Tatus, is there a problem?” Mr. Vojt swung around.
“Sorry, sir.” Channing replied.
“That did not answer my question, Channing.” Mr. Vojt placed the piece of chalk he was holding on the rim of blackboard.
“No problem that can’t wait until after class, Mr. Vojt.” Channing answered defeated.
“Glad to hear that... ” Mr. Vojt replied before launching back into his lecture.
When the bell rung, Channing quickly said, “Can we talk?”
As I packed my things into my backpack I replied, “Not right now.”
I swung my backpack over my shoulder and headed for the door when Channing grabbed my arm, “Kristi, wait. . .”
I turned back to him, close enough that our faces were only inches apart as I said in a low flat voice, “I’m really getting sick of guys grabbing me.”
Channing's hand fell from my arm, unable to say anything so I continued, “I said not right now.”
I made it out of class before Channing even moved.
I wanted to see what he wrote. Why he had to make up a story instead of just telling me the truth. Sure, I would have objected to him being at the meeting with my dad and Mark, but I probably would have given into it if he had just told me he wanted to be there. Did he think he was protecting me? From what? I thought as I sat down in my 8th period class, unfolding the piece of paper:
"I’m guessing you heard. Don’t be mad at me. Let me explain.”
'That’s it!?' I thought. Maybe the second note had more of the ‘explanation’, but I didn’t pick that one up. Damn it. I thought as I crumbled the note back up.
I went down to the lockers as usual after class; there was no other way around it. As I suspected Channing was there talking with my friends as I approached.
“Kristi.” Channing said when he saw me.
“Hi.” I said whizzing by all of them to spin my lock.
‘Can I explain?” he said watching me exchange books and notebooks.
“Go ahead.” I said shutting my locker as I began walking. “Bye guys.” I said to the rest of the group.
Johnna pushed Channing forward as he jogged to catch up to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Didn’t tell me what?” I said back coolly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I went to the meeting with your dad and Mark today.” He blurted out.
I stopped for a second to turn and look at him, “You didn’t just not tell me... You made up a cover story, told other people the truth and I had to hear about it from Bob in the middle of lunch.” I said before turning to walk again.
“Ugh... Bob told you? I’m going to kill him... ” he responded.
I stopped again and in disbelief I said, “Why kill him? At least he told me the truth. You’re the one I’m supposed to be able to trust; the one I’ve been leaning on through all this; and you’re the one that kept something from me.”
“Sorry... Kristi, I’m sorry.” He said as he followed me along the sidewalk. “I was going to tell you this afternoon; after it was done. I didn’t want you to worry or try to talk me out of it, so I lied... Kristi. I… I… needed to be there. Needed to hear first hand... so I knew it would be really done.” He said as I kept walking.
“And you think if you told me that beforehand, I wouldn’t have understood?” I asked.
He hesitated, “I… I didn’t think about that. I just thought you’d be worried about the whole thing if I told you and I didn’t want you to be worried.”
“Yeah, well. This way was much better… I got to be worried about it, plus be mad that my boyfriend lied to me about it.” I said as I reached my car, getting in, slamming him out.
I was at the grass practice field early, pulled out my stick and extra balls and hit the cage. I was glad we weren’t sharing the turf field with football this week.
My coach was the next to arrive, toting an equipment bag as she heard the round of hits into the cage. “Whoa, Kristi those are getting strong!” she said, oblivious.
“Yeah.” I mustered up before lining the balls up for another round.
Field hockey’s usually my cure for everything, but this time it just didn’t seem to help.
When I finally got home, my mom met me in the breezeway as I took off my cleats. “There’s a plate from dinner waiting for you.” She said.
“I’m not hungry.” I replied sliding off my shin guards.
“You have to eat something.” She replied.
I concealed my eyes rolling as I placed my cleats on the shoe rack, “Fine.”
I sat at the table, and poked the food on the plate as Mom sat down with me. “Channing called.” She said easily.
“Oh yeah?” I said forcing myself to take bite of some chicken.
“He said that you were upset with him.” She said abruptly.
“Hmph.” I replied.
“Do you want to tell me why you’re mad at him?” she asked.
“Not really.” I answered as I continued to poke my food around the plate. She tilted her head as she looked at me and sighed.
“Fine... ” I started with a sigh and told her what happened.
When I was finished, she replied, “I understand why you’re upset, but I think he had good intentions. It wasn’t a malicious lie, Kristi. Think about it.” She patted my hand and got up from the table. “And eat at least a few more bites before you waste away to nothing.”
I sighed again, shoveling another forkful of food into my mouth. I knew she was right, but I just needed time to get there.
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