Chapter 10: Balancing Dialysis and School again
February 14th 2007 18:57
Once I got use to being on dialysis 3 days a week for 3hrs each treatment I was able to have a productive high school experience. I had dialysis Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Friday was still the night I hungout at the football games with my friends. It was a whole new group of friends for High School. Well, almost all new.
I was now in college prep classes and met two other girls named Jen so we just formed our own little group. We all called each other by nicknames. My nickname J. J. has stuck with me to this day. Jim had moved behind one of my girlfriends and she introduced him to me.
I knew all about him. Once I had told her about knowing him for a long time and my crush she wanted to hook us up. I was a size 3, but somehow still to big for him. He said I was to short too. She made him buy me a Christmas present one year. A heart Key chain with the nickname he always called me “stubby”. A small part of me didn’t like him at all any more, but I loved our conversations. With his blonde hair and blue eyes he looked like Kurt Cobain way before anyone new of Nirvana.
I was in chorus since grade school and started going to contests in high school. I love to sing. But I have always been extremely nervous singing in front of people even when people told him how great I sounded. I’m not great, but far from bad. I received 2 superior ribbons for second place my Junior and Senior years.
I had a vocal coach to help prepare me for my senior solo performance. I loved it! Chorus took up a lot of the time dialysis wasn’t taking up. There was a new girls that had just moved to the area that I was sharing the spotlight with for the senior show. She was a sophomore and no one thought she should have had that big of part. I sang over her part during the performance and my classmates gave me a high five. The music teacher was less thrilled, but he did say I sounded really good.
I started going karaoke as soon I was old enough. Sometimes I would go with the technicians from dialysis after my treatments. My mom told me it was good for them to see me having fun instead of always seeing me on dialysis. After hearing me one of the girls wanted me to sing at her wedding. I was scared about it but said of course when she had asked me several times. I had to learn Ava Maria in Latin and Edelweiss. It was back to the singing coach.
Since these were more difficult songs than I was use to it was like learning to sing all over again. I was to do breathing exercises along with learning the words. I had practice three days a week . I wanted to do very well. Everything was coming along, when I was called to St. Elizabeth's hospital for a possible kidney transplant. I was torn. I needed and wanted this transplant, but I hated the not being able to sing in the wedding.
Even though I was not sexually active this hospital said they had to make sure. I had to have my first pap test. It was one of the most traumatic things I have ever had to go through. My mother tried to say I didn’t need one. She also wanted to be there with me. She was always good at calming me down when I was upset.
For example when I had to stay still for an x-ray when I was two-years-old my mom told me if I didn’t calm down a kangaroo would come down from the ceiling and lick my tears. I was looking for that kangaroo so I didn’t move. I hadn't even cried to get my blood work done since I was three because she would promise me gift, like my favorite blowup water turtle, if I didn’t cry five times in a row.
Now they wouldn’t let my mother help me. This is suppose to be a religious hospital. There were even nurses that were nuns. They had to strap me to the table to get me not to move. They pushed my legs apart. The gynecology came in, looked and tried to use his finger, but was way to tight. She told me to relax because this had to be done or I couldn’t get a new kidney. At that point I was to scared and upset to relax. He got mad when he couldn’t force me to calm down. He left and told the nurse to try to at least get a swap. She talk to me a minute and tried to swab. I guess it was fine because they took me to surgery a few hours later.
Sometimes when you get a transplant the kidney doesn't work right away. Sometimes it doesn't end up working at all. This one never started working. I missed the wedding and had to go bad on dialysis traumatized by the who disappointing experience. Putting that behind me it was ready to get ready for Prom. I went with one of my guy friends from chorus. we had gone out before so I knew it would be fun. He called to see wear I got my dress and his cummerbund matched my dress perfect.
We doubled with one of the Jen’s and her boyfriend. The dance was fun, but the next day at Cedar Point was even better at least for most of the day. We were kissing and hold hands for most of the day. Then we started fighting over something. I truly don’t remember what. Then we were kissing again on the way home. I came to my senses and called him to tell him we shouldn't be more than friends. he ran away from home and people at school started blame me for his melt down. It was just a whirlwind thing and we never really talked again.
I was graduating in a few weeks. I was ready to go to Kent State University Trumbull Campus. My first high school guidance counselor said she had everything ready. I was eligible for several grants. When she retired the next counselor, Mrs. Whiting, said I should go get married and have kids. My mom fought again to help me get my college paper work in order. We had no help from the school. Even though I couldn’t go to Kent main like some of my friends because dialysis I thought it was a good start to further my education at Kent Trumbull.
One of my friend had another bit of news to tell me before I moved on from high school. My friend Jen that was 100 pounds or more over weight came to my house one after noon to tell me she lost her virginity. I was ready to counsel her and help her through her emotional state. Then I was felt the wind knocked out of me when she said it was Jim. He wouldn’t date me because I was overweight and he was with her. I didn’t blame her. I tried to be cool about whole thing. But I felt like I could kill him.
I still hungout with her when she came home from college and still keep in contact even though she lives a state away. I have never come in contact with Jim again. My mom saw him with his daughter where she works and almost gave him my phone number but thought she would ask me first. I said I was glad she didn’t give him my number even though part of me still got excited with a possibility I would see him again. I heard he got a girl pregnant and she left him with the baby . That poor girl.
I was now in college prep classes and met two other girls named Jen so we just formed our own little group. We all called each other by nicknames. My nickname J. J. has stuck with me to this day. Jim had moved behind one of my girlfriends and she introduced him to me.
I knew all about him. Once I had told her about knowing him for a long time and my crush she wanted to hook us up. I was a size 3, but somehow still to big for him. He said I was to short too. She made him buy me a Christmas present one year. A heart Key chain with the nickname he always called me “stubby”. A small part of me didn’t like him at all any more, but I loved our conversations. With his blonde hair and blue eyes he looked like Kurt Cobain way before anyone new of Nirvana.
I was in chorus since grade school and started going to contests in high school. I love to sing. But I have always been extremely nervous singing in front of people even when people told him how great I sounded. I’m not great, but far from bad. I received 2 superior ribbons for second place my Junior and Senior years.
I had a vocal coach to help prepare me for my senior solo performance. I loved it! Chorus took up a lot of the time dialysis wasn’t taking up. There was a new girls that had just moved to the area that I was sharing the spotlight with for the senior show. She was a sophomore and no one thought she should have had that big of part. I sang over her part during the performance and my classmates gave me a high five. The music teacher was less thrilled, but he did say I sounded really good.
I started going karaoke as soon I was old enough. Sometimes I would go with the technicians from dialysis after my treatments. My mom told me it was good for them to see me having fun instead of always seeing me on dialysis. After hearing me one of the girls wanted me to sing at her wedding. I was scared about it but said of course when she had asked me several times. I had to learn Ava Maria in Latin and Edelweiss. It was back to the singing coach.
Since these were more difficult songs than I was use to it was like learning to sing all over again. I was to do breathing exercises along with learning the words. I had practice three days a week . I wanted to do very well. Everything was coming along, when I was called to St. Elizabeth's hospital for a possible kidney transplant. I was torn. I needed and wanted this transplant, but I hated the not being able to sing in the wedding.
Even though I was not sexually active this hospital said they had to make sure. I had to have my first pap test. It was one of the most traumatic things I have ever had to go through. My mother tried to say I didn’t need one. She also wanted to be there with me. She was always good at calming me down when I was upset.
For example when I had to stay still for an x-ray when I was two-years-old my mom told me if I didn’t calm down a kangaroo would come down from the ceiling and lick my tears. I was looking for that kangaroo so I didn’t move. I hadn't even cried to get my blood work done since I was three because she would promise me gift, like my favorite blowup water turtle, if I didn’t cry five times in a row.
Now they wouldn’t let my mother help me. This is suppose to be a religious hospital. There were even nurses that were nuns. They had to strap me to the table to get me not to move. They pushed my legs apart. The gynecology came in, looked and tried to use his finger, but was way to tight. She told me to relax because this had to be done or I couldn’t get a new kidney. At that point I was to scared and upset to relax. He got mad when he couldn’t force me to calm down. He left and told the nurse to try to at least get a swap. She talk to me a minute and tried to swab. I guess it was fine because they took me to surgery a few hours later.
Sometimes when you get a transplant the kidney doesn't work right away. Sometimes it doesn't end up working at all. This one never started working. I missed the wedding and had to go bad on dialysis traumatized by the who disappointing experience. Putting that behind me it was ready to get ready for Prom. I went with one of my guy friends from chorus. we had gone out before so I knew it would be fun. He called to see wear I got my dress and his cummerbund matched my dress perfect.
We doubled with one of the Jen’s and her boyfriend. The dance was fun, but the next day at Cedar Point was even better at least for most of the day. We were kissing and hold hands for most of the day. Then we started fighting over something. I truly don’t remember what. Then we were kissing again on the way home. I came to my senses and called him to tell him we shouldn't be more than friends. he ran away from home and people at school started blame me for his melt down. It was just a whirlwind thing and we never really talked again.
I was graduating in a few weeks. I was ready to go to Kent State University Trumbull Campus. My first high school guidance counselor said she had everything ready. I was eligible for several grants. When she retired the next counselor, Mrs. Whiting, said I should go get married and have kids. My mom fought again to help me get my college paper work in order. We had no help from the school. Even though I couldn’t go to Kent main like some of my friends because dialysis I thought it was a good start to further my education at Kent Trumbull.
One of my friend had another bit of news to tell me before I moved on from high school. My friend Jen that was 100 pounds or more over weight came to my house one after noon to tell me she lost her virginity. I was ready to counsel her and help her through her emotional state. Then I was felt the wind knocked out of me when she said it was Jim. He wouldn’t date me because I was overweight and he was with her. I didn’t blame her. I tried to be cool about whole thing. But I felt like I could kill him.
I still hungout with her when she came home from college and still keep in contact even though she lives a state away. I have never come in contact with Jim again. My mom saw him with his daughter where she works and almost gave him my phone number but thought she would ask me first. I said I was glad she didn’t give him my number even though part of me still got excited with a possibility I would see him again. I heard he got a girl pregnant and she left him with the baby . That poor girl.
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