Chainsaw Massacre- collecting wood -2
September 8th 2006 03:04
Boys and their toys! Have you ever been around a bloke and his chainsaw? No, I’m not talking about chainsaw massacres – though I have to admit I stay well clear when my bloke is swinging his around. Chainsaws do have a mind of their own- well obviously they do - they are sworn at enough and given a certain dubious pedigree as well.
However, they do actually have some use on the farm. Preferably not used to prune the roses or cut back the camellia bush but more for getting that fallen tree off the fence before the sheep have found a way to get into the crop. Also it's an added way of getting wood for the home fires. That is, cutting up a fallen tree with a chainsaw. We won’t go into the legalities of that – that is between the farmer and his Environmentalist and becoming more tricky by the day.
The farmer tends to choose that old white gum in the paddock that he can’t burn, but would be great on the home fire. This causes all sorts of problems because if there is a need to take an axe to such a log to get pieces small enough to fit in the fire box, the axe will bounce off the wood and break someone's wrist. Any protest about the choice of wood will go unheeded because white gum has a well deserved reputation of pumping out the heat once it’s alight. But there lies the problem - lighting it! If one is saddled with a white gum as a main source of wood, it is vital that extra time is found to ensure that there are enough fire-starter sized sticks, bits of bark and any other worthwhile fire –lighting materials which are collected by those who accompany the chainsaw user on his quest.
Every farmer has the story of the chainsaw that starts at the shed before they venture out but when they try it out in the paddock it doesn’t start. When arriving at the destination, all the rest of the family should go for a long walk for the first half an hour (collecting those sticks) and leave the chain saw user to sort himself out. That way, the swearing won’t offend. Hopefully, by the time they return the saw will be going and there will be plenty of sawn wood to be picked up. An added advantage to arriving late is that the helpers won’t have to work close to the saw so they won’t cop an eye full of saw dust and they will not be in danger of losing their hearing. (Why is it that the chainsaw owner always remembers to pack their ear muffs and eye protector but never thinks of putting in the spares?) There is always the danger that the logs are too long for the fire box and that can cause all sorts of family discussions. It could be arranged that a piece of chalk is used to mark the log the right lengths before the sawing begins, but that might cause the chain saw maniac to completely lose it and then everyone will be cold as there will be no home fires lit all the next week – so cancel that idea.
While he may enjoy cutting wood with a diameter of a meter or so, it is the others who have to pick up the brutes and lift them on the ute. A half a dozen splinters and usually a couple of squashed fingers are likely to follow. So it will be with a great sigh of relief when either the chainsaw dies, runs out of fuel or the teeth need sharpening again. All these signal that it is time to go home and everyone can relax for a couple of weeks. Including the chainsaw itself, for it was in grave danger of being run over by the ute. The only thing that saves it is that we couldn’t get insurance if we did. I know, we tried!
However, they do actually have some use on the farm. Preferably not used to prune the roses or cut back the camellia bush but more for getting that fallen tree off the fence before the sheep have found a way to get into the crop. Also it's an added way of getting wood for the home fires. That is, cutting up a fallen tree with a chainsaw. We won’t go into the legalities of that – that is between the farmer and his Environmentalist and becoming more tricky by the day.
Every farmer has the story of the chainsaw that starts at the shed before they venture out but when they try it out in the paddock it doesn’t start. When arriving at the destination, all the rest of the family should go for a long walk for the first half an hour (collecting those sticks) and leave the chain saw user to sort himself out. That way, the swearing won’t offend. Hopefully, by the time they return the saw will be going and there will be plenty of sawn wood to be picked up. An added advantage to arriving late is that the helpers won’t have to work close to the saw so they won’t cop an eye full of saw dust and they will not be in danger of losing their hearing. (Why is it that the chainsaw owner always remembers to pack their ear muffs and eye protector but never thinks of putting in the spares?) There is always the danger that the logs are too long for the fire box and that can cause all sorts of family discussions. It could be arranged that a piece of chalk is used to mark the log the right lengths before the sawing begins, but that might cause the chain saw maniac to completely lose it and then everyone will be cold as there will be no home fires lit all the next week – so cancel that idea.
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