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Never shop under the influence of alcohol
Sucked into another consumer market frenzy, I happily trodded to the Westfield Bondi Junction VIP Night where shoppers were fed an endless array of free fondues, cupcakes, and champagne. As the sugar and alcohol level is our bloodstreams were adjusted to the optimal level, the shops opened their doors and bombarded us with sales signs of every colour. Oh the glitter blinded me. So why I ended up spending next week's lunch money on a belt still puzzles me.
L'Occitane en Provence of course, wouldn't never miss out on this crazed promotional frenzy. They had set up their own little stall where shop assistants greeted with those eerily jovial smiles plastered across their happy cheeks but with eyes which beg to be let out of this late night hell hole. But hey, they offered a free hand massage with a heap of products to smother all over your hand. So I smiled back.
After throwing a basket of goods at me, my hand has been lathered, massaged, scrubbed, rubbed, and even painted, before I'd forgotten which glob came out of which tube. The product which stood out however, was their shea butter hand and cuticle cream. The shea butter is derived from the shea nut apparently, and Africans rubbed it on their babies. From memory, African babies had pretty nifty skin when they're well-fed. So this thing is worth a try I suppose.
At $34.00, it's not such a bad price considering the tiny amount you need every time. On a cotton tip with a delicate touch, a teeny bit can be placed at the bottom of each nail and rubbed in until absorbed. All those horrid winter flakes disappeared and my nails almost smiled back a thank you.
Lush Black Tooth Gel
Surprise! It's another wacky product from Lush. I have warily observed this little black tube sitting at the Lush counter until curiosity finally got the better of me. The concept is simple: this rebellious tube challenges the notions of Western society that toothpaste must be minty to be healthy. Like a true rebel, the toothpaste is also charcoal black, while tasting pleasantly sweet and fruity.
The concept of it makes enough sense. Charcoal, despite being black as a pot, has the ability to whiten teeth, the reason for the other ingredient: Eggplant, Tangerine, Lemon, and Sandalwood, fails to be comprehended.
I half expected my mind to be warped by such a truly psyched out idea. Squeezing out a tar slug onto my toothbrush and sloshing it into my mouth in the quest of a whiter, brighter smile, I was disappointed to have ended up with gray teeth instead (ok ok I didn't rinse properly, but I NEVER had to!). Another wad of hard earned cash wasted, when I could have purchased a full MacDonalds Breakfast with hotcakes AND a hash brown.
Other than that, finishing teeth cleaning without the burst of minty freshness that advertisements has trained us to expect just doesn't feel right. My eye twitched as I licked the inside of my mouth as I was deprived my bi-daily bursts of freshness
This is one of the many disastrous purchases I have made from Lush. There was the fizzy bath bomb that dissolved into powdery nothingness and left my 13 yr old self naked, sore, and disappointed without an inch of the promised citrus tang hanging on my skin. There was the natural bar soap that left such a film of greasy residue on my skin I had to resort to Imperial Leather. The most recent pointless purchase scars me to this day, the wobbly seaweed soap which mashed up and jumped out of my hands like some nightmare infant in a bathtub - terrifying ordeal when you're naked and freezing.
I now crawl back to the supermarket Colgate/McLeans isle, head down, tail tucked into my hind-legs, ears flattened, and whimpering pathetically, a little wiser, humbled, and with slightly tarred teeth.
*Image taken from happykatie.typepad.com and is used solely for commentary purposes
I recently received an email titled "Why women insist on taking Wedding Photos" expecting some sort of feminist/chauvinist joke. However what greeted me was a series of before/after pictures reminiscent of that extreme makeover show. Except this time, all that were needed was just some clever lighting and extreme delux pampering.
Through complex logical thought, I have deduced the photographer was probably called Julia, who is also Chinese. Golly she's good.
At last I have found a natural beauty range that won't require any real estate as collateral. Natural Instinct makes a huge array of products ranging from conditioner to dish washing liquid that doesn't contain any chemicals or animal derivatives. All that practicality for a bargain price of $20 a litre, you can slap it on all year round, a little more clean, a little more pure, and a little more prosperous.
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Aveda - Dune Primrose Aroma Concentrate Parfum
This tiny bottle of goodness cannot be fully appreciated until you are trapped in a small confined public space, and somebody releases a lethal dose of digestive gas and having the fart python creep slowly and silently into the deepest cavities of your nostrils.
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Perfect Potion - Neroli Water
A friend of mine recently presented me with a bottle fresh spritzy neroli water from Perfect Potion. The stuff is basically distilled orange blossom water and is a fragrant ingredient found in many beauty products. It is not until I had accumulated enough idle time at the office before I had discovered how useful this stuff really is.
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Split ends happens because your hair has been abused. It gets pissed off and initiaties a self destruction process similar to a Seppuku; slicing itself in half and rupturing its innards. This will no doubt greatly displease the grower of the hair. It is thus avenged by its own heroic martyrdom.
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Oh My God. These things are SO INCREDIBLY cool!
Many of you must be familiar with the Lush chain store, you know, that pungent one with mountains of oddly flavoured soap bars stacked up so high it's becoming a safety hazaard. I have never dared to venture in often, nor linger for long, as the accumulated smell from 50 million hand made soaps can knock out a grizzly bear.
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No, Christian Dior did not release its own line of insecticide; at least not just yet. This is makeup in an aerosol can, now you can airbrush yourself, literally!
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Comment by Bunbury
on South Park Steve Irwin Parody
This is the 2nd guy to die after South Park made fun of it. Remember Christopher Reeves just last year?