The Hills Run Red
November 6th 2009 01:42


Sydney, New South Wales, AUSTRALIA
Joined August 14th 2006
"Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?" --- Edgar Allan Poe
Recent PostsThe Hills Run RedNovember 6th 2009 01:42
The Hills Run RedNovember 6th 2009 01:32
Great title, but oh, what a piece of crap movie; The Hills Run Red (2009) is one of those annoyingly pretentious movies that aims to be savage and extreme, whilst playing with sub-genres (slasher flick-cum-torture-porn-cum-mo vie-within-a-movie) and expectations, yet slits its own throat of plausibility from the get-go, leaving the corpse to become utterly bloated with satirical self-importance. This is no laughing matter; the movie fails on almost every level.
The only thing I can recommend it for is Sophie Monks tits, and yes, Im being facetious. Monks spends a surprising amount of time exposing her natural, luscious bust, and for fans of the ex-pat Aussie, it seems shes dead keen on scuttling any sweetness she might have once possessed. But enough about Monks assets, she can act, and her role isnt perfunctory, but the movies dead in the water even before she attempts her lame lap-dance. The movie is gruesome in places, and prides itself on trying to push some boundaries, but this is no Frontiere(s) (2007). None of the graphic violence actually works on a gut-level; too much CGI for a start, damn I hate the look of digital gore (I must be getting cranky in my old age) and none of the characters are empathetic enough to warrant any concern over their well-being. William Sadler is pushing shit uphill, and the less said about the other leads the better. The guts of the plot is summed up rather nicely at imdb.com: A group of young horror fans go searching for a film that mysteriously vanished years ago but instead find that the demented killer from the movie is real, and he's thrilled to meet fans who will die gruesomely for his art. Actually, its less a group of horror fans, as one obsessed horrorphile, Tyler (Tad Hilgenbrinck), who coerces his best buddy Lalo (Alex Wyndam) and girlfriend Serina (Janet Montgomery) to help him track down the daughter of legendary master of horror (umm, hes made one feature, how can he be a master??) director Wyler Concannon, whose sadistic masked-killer flick, The Hills Run Red, is considered the most sought after piece of grindhouse celluloid ever. The daughter Alexa (Sophie Monks) is a junkie stripper, and in an absurdly insipid sequence Tyler commits to assisting Alexa through cold turkey in what seems like a piss-easy procedure. Now shes bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, clean as a whistle, ready to do what it takes to get Tyler what he wants. The wonders of a cold shower, huh? The killer of the movie, Babyface (several Bulgarian actors play him, yes the movie was shot in Bulgaria with an Eastern-European crew and featured extras), is a nasty piece of work, but Leatherface would eat him for breakfast. Of course there are family secrets that need to be brought to the surface of this vile stew (and thats not wicked vile, thats putrid vile), but not before everything becomes rather silly and convoluted, preachy and incredibly tedious, culminating in Alexas diatribes about her fathers failures as a filmmaker (No one cares about the sub-textual shit get to the kill!) and where the real horror lies. Who cares? The Hills Run Red failed long before Tyler is strapped to a chair in the Concannon private screening room watching raw 16mm footage which somehow miraculously developed itself even though it was only shot moments earlier Screenwriters and directors need to take extra-care when theyre making a horror movie that attempts to satirise the genre, or make statements about the art. At the end of the long night, these kind of horror movies simply dont cut the mustard (with very few exceptions). A truly effective horror movie plays the game straight. If its bent, its because its pushed the boundaries convincing, in a genuinely shocking manner, not in motivational or contextual contrivance, not with verbose dialogue that belies the characters intelligence, not with ahhh, fuck it, Ive cornered myself so I end up sounding like a disgruntled wanker. But the basic truth is; keep it simple. The Hills Run Red tries to be clever as it hides behind a tribute mask, but it wears its intentions on its ragged sleeve. Its bleeding obvious, it aint scary, its ultraviolence is processed, its logistics confused. Did I miss the bloody point? I dont think so. The DVD cover art is okay, Ill give it that. Here's the trailer: Curiously I discovered a drinking game for those gluttons for punishment: This drinking game is to be played with The Hills Run Red and some beer whatever you can find at your nearest backwoods gas station. 1drink every time you see boobs 1 drink every time you see blood 1 drink every time someone dies 1 drink every time someone says The Hills Run Red 1 drink every time someone says Babyface 1 drink every time you see Babyface The Voyeur Special: Drink continuously every time you see the movie through a video camera. Ysee, I do have a sense of humour!
StrigoiNovember 5th 2009 23:08
StrigoiNovember 5th 2009 22:09
If you like your vampire mythology pungent and filthy, cloaked in the authentic ethnic threads of Eastern European sensibility, and sans the usual toothy, suave trappings of most of the fanged vehicles out of Tinseltown, then the highly original, far-from-British UK production Strigoi (2008) - which screened last Friday at the inaugural Fantastic Planet international film festival as part of their Halloween indulgence, along with Zombieland (2009) and Infestation (2009) which screened on the Saturday night, but I was unable to attend will most definitely be an undead surprise worth digging for.
Writer/director Faye Jackson (a pleasant change having a woman at the helm of a horror feature, whose husband is Romanian) has made a decidedly unromantic, downbeat, morbidly humorous, and deceptively unsettling take on the vampire flick. Strigoi (the Romanian word given to the blood-thirsty undead) are forever returning to seek justice for wrongdoings against their former living selves. They have quite the appetite too, and not just for plasma and the red stuff; these smelly, dirty creatures will eat you out of house, home, and when theyve emptied your pantry, theyll finally settle on the side of your neck
Trick 'r TreatNovember 5th 2009 03:20
Trick 'r TreatNovember 5th 2009 03:18
I got to this release a little too late (it got to my local video store only this week). As it turns out Trick 'r Treat (2008) has suffered its own belated troubles. Originally slated for release Stateside way back in October 2007, but Warner Bros. pulled it at the last minute, perhaps for fear of Saw IV chewing up its box office. It was moved to an October 2008 release, and then postponed again til early 2009, but still no official release. After numerous appearances at horror festivals around the world from late 2008 into 2009, it finally went straight-to-DVD for Halloween just passed.
It must be strange for filmmakers and actors having a current release of work they completed two or three years earlier. Its the nature of the beast, but movies with this kind of high calibre production values and quality cast dont usually get shelved for so long, especially when theres nothing actually wrong with the movie. Trick r Treat is an anthology movie; four (well five actually, if you count the flashback-yarn within one of the stories) tales set in a modest festive town where All Hallows Eve and the age-old American tradition of donning a costume and trick-or-treating is embraced with exuberance
Blood: The Last VampireNovember 3rd 2009 23:18
Blood: The Last VampireNovember 3rd 2009 23:16
Japan, 1966, and the American-occupied Yokota Air Force base is about to mobilised, as the United States is on the brink of the Vietnam War. But a threat much worse than human soldiers lies lurking within the walks of the compounds High School: Chiropterran demons; savage beasts in the guise of humans. One mysterious young woman, in the disguise of a schoolgirl, is the U.S. Governments only hope. Shes the last of her kind, and has been brought in especially by a top-secret covert team to destroy the supernatural force. Who is she? What is she? Will she succeed?
Originally intended to be the middle part of an anime trilogy Blood: The Last Vampire (2000) ended up being the only part filmed and released due to a lack of time and money. The result is a curious, but deeply resonant featurette. In fact at only 45 minutes running time it barely even qualifies as a featurette, as there are some short films that run almost as long, and most television episodes clock in at around 50-odd minutes. Still, despite its paper-thin plotting, its a tight, super-stylish, at times genuinely creepy, three-quarters of an hour. Saya (voiced by Youki Kudoh) is a moody, feisty character indeed. Its a pity not more of her background is explained, but one can only presume that was all revealed in the mini-series first episode. Of course this only deepens the prevailing mystery. Saya, in her plaits and school uniform, is apparently a very-old vampire, not that youd know guess it (apart from the title). She comes across more like an adolescent bully armed with a samurai sword. She uses her supernatural powers sparingly, relying on animal instinct, superhuman strength and agility only when needed. And boy, she needs them, as her adversaries are massively powerful themselves, and very nasty to boot. They shape-shift from their human foil into prehistoric-looking gargoyles with huge bat-like wings, skeletal snouts and no doubt horrendous breath
Horror QUIZ #29: Mastermind Series - VNovember 2nd 2009 23:11
Horror QUIZ #29: Mastermind Series - VNovember 2nd 2009 23:05
Another installment in the tougher line of my quizzes: the Mastermind Series. And this time around it's quotations. You need to identify two things. What movie is the line of dialogue from? Whats the full credited name of the character that said it? Sound like a walk in the park? You might stroll off okay, but trust me; the path gets rockier further down the track.
1. I'm running this monkey farm now Frankenstein and I wanna know what the fuck youre doing with my time?!
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on Dracula (1992) - Trailer Included
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