Recent Posts
Time changes everything.
You know what its like when you catch up with old friends you get together, have a few drinks and talk about the good old days. You laugh and reminisce and recount legendary tales of the exploits of youth. Its a great time. However, these reunions are never able to recapture the same magic as the first time around. The halcyon days are long gone, and nostalgic reminiscences are but a pale imitation.
That, to me, is exactly what is wrong with Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Its like catching up with friends and going over the good old days, without ever re-creating their magic. And to be fair to Spielberg and co, that was always an impossible proposition. Raiders of the Lost Ark is a high watermark in adventure cinema that has spawned many imitators, but very few equals.
Dont get me wrong; Indy IV is a decent, serviceable action/adventure yarn. Steven Spielberg can still stage a coherent action sequence better than most working directors out there. The problem is you expect more than just serviceable from an iconic character like Indiana Jones.
The filmmakers seem to be resting on the laurels of Indiana Jones iconography here that unique silhouette, the power of that great score, and the knowing winks to previous adventures. Its great to see that stuff, but at the same time, they are also adding nothing to the Jones iconography. In fact, in this film, he has stopped being Indiana Jones, and is referred to more often as Henry
or Jonesy
or Old man. But you can count on one hand the number of times someone calls him Indy. To me, that is a shame.
Of course, all these gripes stem from the weight of expectation that comes attached to a film with Indiana Jones in the title. And to be fair, theres also plenty to like in the film. For one, Harrison Ford has a spark in his eye thats been missing since the last time he donned a fedora and cracked a whip. Ive missed that Harrison Ford, and he does well to bring back the charming rogue character we all love so much.
Theres also a motorcycle chase early in the film that has Spielberg firing on all cylinders (a sequence that comes closest to recapturing the Indy of old). The film moves along at a fairly decent clip, broken up by moments of awkward exposition that reek of George Lucas finger in the pie. However, its still a visually lush film, with a few great money shots, some decent one-liners, and some great action set pieces.
But I still expected more. The third act basically relegates Indy to just one of an ensemble cast, moving from location to location and looking awe-struck at things a mere passenger being carried along by the requirements of the plot.
It would appear that there is also an agenda here to pass the adventuring torch to a new generation, embodied by Shia Labouefs character of Mutt Williams. Shia does a reasonable job as the capable sidekick, although I hope they dont try and spin out a new franchise based on his character. Karen Allen is back as Marion Ravenwood - Indys one true love. Shes still feisty, but it seems more lip service to the fire that used to burn in her belly, rather than any real spice.
Cate Blanchett hams it up as the villain with the hokey Russian accent, although with the severe haircut, she looks just as alien as the eponymous crystal skulls. Speaking of Aussies with dodgy accents, keep an eye out for a cameo from Alan Dale with an accent that manages to be distractingly inconsistent in a bare three minutes of screen time. John Hurt is wasted as Professor Oxley, a character who seems mostly unnecessary for all the time he is given. Ray Winstone rounds out the cast as Mac, the obligatory betrayer of Indys trust.
Finally, I suppose I must mention the visual effects in the film. The last time Indiana Jones went adventuring, CGI effects had yet to impose themselves it was all practical sets and effects. Indy IV does suffer somewhat from an over-reliance on computer whiz-bangery. Remember at the start of Raiders, how Indy was in the Amazon and visited that temple? It felt like Indy was actually in a real jungle and temple. Well, in this film, Indy returns to the Amazon, but now it all reeks a bit too much of artifice. The colours are too rich, the sets feel like sets, and everything seems a little too
enhanced.
Also, I would like to place a moratorium on CGI animals in films be they dodgy prairie dogs, or distracting monkeys. They only lent a silliness to the affair that wasnt present in any previous incarnation of the Indiana Jones franchise.
I know Ive been very hard on the film, but I do feel I should re-iterate that Indy IV is a very entertaining film. It is pure popcorn fun, and even though it doesnt capture the lightning in a bottle that earlier incarnations managed, it is still an old friend. And, even though time has changed everything and the halcyon days are long gone, I still love to catch up with my old friends.
7/10
Shared on
What is it about driving that turns us into monsters? Ive been guilty of it myself in the past We become completely different people behind the wheel. We cocoon ourselves in this climate-controlled space and throw courtesy, respect and responsibility out the window. Its almost like the contact between arse and drivers seat is similar to ole Doc Bruce Banner getting pelted by gamma rays.
We all want to be happy, dont we? We want to be treated with respect, and maybe even take comfort from the fact that our lives are giving something back to the world, rather than just wasting its oxygen. Why then, do even the most well adjusted individuals among us succumb to the obnoxious arsehole demons that ride shotgun in our car rides from Point A to Point B?
It was only then that Henry realised that he'd spent the entire dinner date with a piece of lettuce stuck between his teeth.
Happiness isnt some unattainable ideal like winning the lottery or coaxing your wife out of blowjob retirement. True happiness is being at peace with the world around us, and we can experience this peace all the time if we allow ourselves to.
The most difficult time to maintain this Zen attitude is when we are driving. So, if we can let go of all the shit thats bumming our mellow on the roads, then we should be able to do it any time, right?
Weve all experienced it anger at the jerk off who cuts you of in traffic; frustration at the arseclown who is tailgating you; uncharitable towards the knob-jockey trying to change lanes in front of you; and rage at the god-damn universe for imprisoning you in bumper-to-bumper traffic, while some Irish pansy-boy sings a love song to Delta Goodrem on the radio. Learning to release these negative feelings is the key to finding peace on the road.
The first lesson of Zen Driving is acceptance. You must accept the inevitability that, when youre driving, shit happens. Shit happens on the road every day. Accept it. No matter where you go, there will always be bad drivers, heavy traffic, red lights, and countless other obstacles standing between you and that beer you crave so desperately. Once you accept the inevitability of shit happening, then you are much better equipped to deal with it when it does happen.
The second lesson of Zen Driving is release. You must learn to release the negative energies that bubble up inside when the aforementioned shit happens. What is the point of yelling at other drivers? Giving the finger? Spraying spittle across your windscreen? It achieves nothing. All it does is destroy the peace you might otherwise be enjoying. So let it go.
How you let it go is up to you. Some people breathe deeply and count to ten. Some people recite a mantra. Some people think of Scarlett Johanssons boobs. What is important to remember, though, is that you will most likely never encounter that person again. Is a one-time adversary worth the negative energy required to abuse them? Wouldnt you rather be at peace instead? You have complete control over whether that stupid driver affects your peace or not. Exercise that control.
The third lesson of Zen Driving is generosity. You know how it makes you feel good about yourself to perform random acts of kindness? It works the same on the roads. If you see someone trying to turn on to a busy street, make room for him or her. If you see a hot girl in a short skirt having car trouble, stop and help her. Its these acts of kindness that make the world a better place in small increments. And in the case of the hot chick in trouble, who knows what wondrous delights karma might throw your way?
Linked to the concept of generosity is gratitude. When someone lets you in, give him or her that little thank you wave. Its an acknowledgement of their kindness and an exchange of positive energy. Everyone wins.
Apart from these internal guides to Zen driving, there are other more practical measures you can take to make the driving experience less stressful
Make sure you leave plenty of time to reach your destination. We get stressed when we are running late, so give yourself plenty of time so you dont have to race through the journey like Michael Schumacher on speed.
Drive safely. Driving is an inherently dangerous thing, and can be a source of anxiety. So, drive in a manner that reduces this anxiety. Im not saying that you need to drive like a hat-wearing, 85-year old with the left indicator always on. I just mean stick to the speed limit, dont tailgate, be aware, dont talk on your mobile and dont drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Its pretty common sense stuff.
Ultimately, you are responsible for yourself and no one else. You cant improve another persons driving by calling them a dick-biscuit and giving them the middle finger salute. Sure they may be a terrible driver, but what good will conflict achieve?
As Dale Carnegie said in his seminal book How to Win Friends and Influence People: What would you rather be: happy or right?
I hope your answer to that question was happy.
Shared on
Theres nothing like a good corpse in a movie. Well
good plot, characters, direction, music, script and cinematography are probably better, but a good corpse can really get things going too.
So, heres a brief list of the best corpse moments in films. Im not talking about actual deaths here
rather when we come across some unlucky sod who has already shuffled off the mortal coil, leaving only a breathing-impaired bag of meat to shock and delight our indelicate sensibilities.
So, without further ado
5 Seven. No, Im not referrig to the fat dude in the tighty-whiteys with his face in his porridge. Im actually referring to Gwyneth Paltrows head in a box. In addition to being one of the great movie endings in modern cinema, its also Gwyneth Paltrows head in a box. Even though you dont actually see the head, its still Mrs Coldplays finest performance to date. In a perfect world, all movies would end with Gwyneth Paltrows head in a box. Especially Shakespeare in Love.
4 - Weekend at Bernies. Okay, so Bernies not actually the most gruesome corpse to grace a movie screen, but he has more charisma than your average worm-food. Besides, when I finally kick the proverbial bucket, Id love it if someone was motivated enough to animate my lifeless corpse, Weekend at Bernies-style.
3 Jaws. The scene Im referring to is the one where the severed head pops out of the sunken boat. Man, as a young un, that disembodied noggin scared the bejeebus out of me. Its an image that has always stuck with me, hence its inclusion here.
2 Raiders of the Lost Ark. You know the one I mean. In the opening scene where Indy discovers a mouldering corpse who ran afoul of some big sharp spikes. Later Alfred Molina, after betraying Indy for the little golden idol, would impale himself on the very same spikes. Take that for betrayng Indy, you cad!
1 The Ring. The girl in the closet has gotta be one of the creepiest corpses ever to be discovered by screaming teenagers. Man, thats one ugly cadaver. I think its the unnaturally wide-open mouth that does it
I know how she feels though - I felt the same way after coming across a cursed videotape in my parents bedside drawer.
Im sure Ive made some glaring ommissions, so please feel free to highlight my ignorance in the messages below.
Shared on
Theres a formula for modern ghost stories. You know how it goes: family moves into haunted abode with a dark history; creepy kid starts seeing things (which parents assume are imaginary friends, natch); things go bump in the night; hot but sensitive mum starts seeing and hearing things; obtuse dad remains sceptical until its too late; shocking historical reveal; end credits. Rinse and repeat.
Timmy's first day at school went well, although he wondered why the other kids called him GayDress McSackface
[ Click here to read more ]
Shared on
Its frustrating when you see an absolutely awesome foreign language film that no one will see by simple virtue of the fact it has subtitles. There seems to be a perception amongst mainstream audiences that foreign films are all arty, boring, navel-gazing pieces of self-indulgence that they wont be able to relate to.
This is true in some instances, but there are also a whole slew of foreign films that can go toe to toe with any Hollywood blockbuster or genre film and come out on top. These are the films that even ADD Tim would love, if only he dragged himself away from the X-Box for long enough
[ Click here to read more ]
Shared on
That time of year is coming around again: Summer blockbuster season. Im a tragic for it. I look at all the whiz-bang movies on the release slate and I cream my crackers, waiting with baited breath for the next Thursday to arrive and the next sugary film confection to punch my synapses into submission.
[ Click here to read more ]
Shared on
Okay, so I lied. This blog isnt technically about Zen for men. Zen literally refers to a thousand-year old branch of Mahayana Buddhism, practised by bald guys in robes sitting on mountaintops and being really, really self-conscious. Lets face it though, this is the 21st century, and robes really arent everyones cup of tea. Personally, I prefer jeans, a vintage tee and trainers. Oh, and hair. Im quite attached to my hair.
To be quite frank with you, I just needed a catchy title for my blog, and Zen for Men is a helluva lot better than How To Live a Spiritual Life Without Sailing Through the Cosmos with a Crystal up Your Ass. So, if its real Zen Buddhism youre after, then I apologise, but apparently K-Mart has a sale on robes at the moment, so theres one piece of luck for you
[ Click here to read more ]
Shared on
I take back every bad thing I ever said about Ben Affleck. I forgive him for his transgressions in Gigli, Jersey Girl and Pearl Harbour. I can now overlook the smug grin and one-note performance he gives in every movie he acts in. You see; Ben Affleck has redeemed himself in my eyes.
This redemption can be summed up in three little words: <i>Gone Baby Gone</i>. Much to everyones surprise, it turns out that Ben Affleck is a much better director than he is an actor. Heck, Ben Affleck is a much better director than a most of the directors hes ever worked for
[ Click here to read more ]
Shared on
|
|
|
Comments (4)
Add Comments
Read More
Comment by Brad Gaylard
on Top Gear Australia hosts announced
Mens Zen
The appeal of Top Gear is a bit like lightning in a bottle, and it mainly boils down to the chemistry between Clarkson and Hammond. They're just flat out funny bastards.
If the aussie team tries to imitate that chemistry, they risk falling flat.