Bollywood Review - Partner
November 15th 2007 01:04
Avoid
So I got sick of riding my mountain bike around Wangaratta and watched a Bollywood film called Partner. This is a tired remake of the 2005 Hollywood film Hitch, starring the popular black/white actor Will Smith and is as lame as the promo shot suggests.
There are two redeemable features in this film: the Indian Actresses are achingly beautiful and the microsecond cameo by myself and my girlfirend in the background of the wedding scene, which was the only reason I tolerated this torturous film. I would rather gouge out my eyes than watch it again.
The highlight of my Bollywood acting career was standing close to Katrina Kaif, who was friendly and down to earth. And hot.
The shamelessly ripped off plot follows the love guru, who dolls out match-making advice to semi-retarded and repulsive Indian male virgins. One such fat, bumbling fool falls for a high profile pop star and demands the love guru's assistance to realise his impossible desire for the hottest chick in the country. Naturally it turns out they are made for each other.
There is a weak sub-plot about the guru himself falling for an investigative journalist, who the guru is constantly rescuing from murder by a gangster who spouts inane cricket metaphors and calls himself the 'Chandawali Express' or something. There is some other prearranged marrriage fiasco at the end of the movie, but I wasn't paying much attention by then. Suffice to say a small child solves everones problems with a little monologue and everyone laughs.
There are all the usual completely none-sequitor dance scenes with some disturbing homoerotic overtures between guru and fool who wade in the ocean in thier jeans. Homos. The apparently stylish Guru is as hopeless as the mongs he purports to help.
The bizarre wedding night finale has the fool sneaking in and out of the guru's room asking for sex tips, which guru whispers in his ear. The guys keep getting in and out bed together in a really frustrating but possibly realistic glimpse of an Indian Honeymoon.
Two studs out to pick up on the beach.
Admittedly the romantic comedy genre is not one of my favourites, but I usually feel less unclean after watching a movie. In a way the film attempts to reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the importance of monogamy and chasteness, but the sensual dancing throughout seems to undermine this moral stance. This film really highlights the total lack of sexual sophistication in Indian men and the but-clenching awkwardness of the way sex and sexuality is handled in the Hindu society. Over 60% of male Indian adoloescent sexual experience is with another male, so I suppose in real life the Love Guru would be a busy man. This is probably partly due to the lack of social interaction beetwen men and women prior to marriage due to the caste system and lack of sexual equality. Maybe if they drank more booze they would be less useless at romance and stuff, but that's a fairly ignorant theory.
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