Cranbourne, Victoria, AUSTRALIA
Joined August 29th 2006
Recent PostsSo...March 5th 2007 19:34
So, what does everyone think of stuff?
Are things great? Or are they maybe another thing? Is stuff what it should be, or would you prefer items to be otherwise? Or maybe not? What do you think? Or do you?
 Terrorism Explained! A DialogueFebruary 28th 2007 19:14
Archie: You know, Hubert, I just don't understand this "War on Terror" they're all talking about.
Hubert: I understand, Archie, there are many complex issues involved and one should tread carefully to avoid over-glibness in one's analysis. But basically, I shall try to boil it down for you. You see this wheel of cheese? Archie: My God, now I understand! Hubert: Yes. You see, Archie, terrorism is a serious issue, and as such has its own website, http://www.terrorism.org. . For example, suppose you and your family were covered with fine white sand. Archie: That's eerily easy to imagine. Hubert: Indeed. Now imagine that instead of sand, it was dynamite. Archie: Like this stick of dynamire in my singlet? Hubert: Like that, but not pork-based. Archie: I see. So terrorism is not pork-based? Interesting. Hubert: The point is, terrorists threaten our way of life. If you and I were to walk to the corner shop, say, we could, in loud, braying voices, demand a tube of chocolate buttons. Archie: Oh Hubert! Hubert: But if the terrorists had THEIR way, we could not perform this simple affirmation of liberty. We would have to face Mecca instead of going to the shop. And instead of buying chocolate buttons, we would have to set fire to adulteresses. Archie: That's terrible! Some of my best friends are adulteresses! So these "terrorists" wish to promulgate terror? Hubert: Yes, they do. They promulgate as hard as they can, with every muscle at their disposal. And so the "War On Terror" is there to stop them. Archie: I begin to see. But how does the War work? Hubert: Well, you remember World War Two? Archie: God yes. The dancing, the wine, the mad, passionate embraces... Hubert: Yes. The War on Terror is broadly similar. Whereas the Germans invaded Poland, the terrorists have now invaded our very MINDS! And so we are terrified. And just as we defeated the Germans with clean-limbed athleticism and cunning wordplay, so we shall defeat Terror through vague confused glances and the reckless ignition of cocktails. Let me illustrate the specifics, not through speech, but through the movement of the human body. Archie: That was wonderful. Would terrorists allow us to be so gloriously nude? Hubert: Not bloody likely. Archie: "Not bloody likely"? Are you a Cockney now? Hubert: Yes, I am. I am a Cockney for today. Because I am free to be so. You know who would not let me be a cockney, if they had their way, ol' buttercake? Archie: The terrorists? Hubert: Bloody right. Archie: Thank you so much, Hubert. Knowledge IS power!
I Would Like To Thank The Academy, but...February 26th 2007 13:14
So apparently, Jennifer Hudson, having received a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role in Dreamgirls, said, "This just shows what God can do".
And what is that, Jennifer? it shows that God can make someone really annoying? It shows that God can not prevent people from being unoriginal and obnoxious? Because of COURSE God would take an interest in the Oscars, Of course there is a profound theological purpose in making sure that Cate Blanchett or Abigail Breslin didn't win. Yeah, Abigal Breslin. How about that, Jennifer? God just destroyed a little girl's dream. Is THAT what God can do? The great thing about it is that since it was God who brought this about, we can stop lauding Hudson's talent. her performance is nothing to do with her; it's all God. So we can forget about Jennifer Hudson. She's a nobody. Her talent comes from somewhere else, so next time we're talking about great movie performances, remember to only rave about people with actual ability, and leave Jennifer out. She's just riding on God's coattails.
A Dialogue On Topical MattersFebruary 20th 2007 18:06
Archie: You know, Hubert, I just don't understand this "global warming" they're all talking about.
Hubert (with a strong Cornish accent): Well, Archie, it's perfectly simple. Imagine that the Earth is like a huge basketball, and imagine that God is Hakeem Olajuwon
The Lowest Point In The History Of Political BlogsFebruary 4th 2007 16:46
Noted Australian Aboriginal leader Geoff Clark last week was found liable in a civil suit brought against him by a woman who claims he raped her 35 years ago. He was ordered to pay $20,000 damages for his responsibility for the rape.
Mr Clark then proceeded to say that the verdict represented "the lowest point in the history of this country
Let Me Not Make Porn-quality movies without pornJanuary 16th 2007 17:14
I know that this is a current affairs blog, but a) when I have ever really stuck to THAT rule? and b) I watched a movie on Friday night. It was called Let Me Not. And I desperately need to tell you all about it.
This is a real movie. Honest. Look:
A Great Throbbing ElectionNovember 27th 2006 14:10
I don't know how many of you know this, but we had an election recently. By "we", I mean me, my home state, Victoria, here in Australia. Victoria was named after Queen Victoria, affectionately called "Good Queen Bess" because of her long, flowing mane.
Victoria as a state was founded in 1287, but had to wait centuries before they found anywhere to put it, whereupon its inhabitants immediately got bored and began turning over cars. This was in stark contrast to the thrilling lives led to the north in New South Wales (named after England's King South Wales, or "Pig-Iron Bob
Serious StuffNovember 22nd 2006 14:33
I hate to sound callous or curmudgeonly, but something is bugging me about the outpouring of grief over Belinda Emmett's death. I think this is it:
Belinda Emmett was not a superstar. She was a mid-level soapie star who appeared in a couple of TV shows and a movie. She wasn't a spectacularly talented actress. And leaving aside my own personal judgment, she wasn't really a "much-beloved" actress. She wasn't an Australian institution. Nobody can honestly say "she brought so much joy to so many". She was famous for being Rove's girlfriend, and then wife, and for having cancer, more than anything.
Sheikh, Rattle, and...oh, forget itNovember 1st 2006 14:46
Today, we examine the comments of Australia's Grand Mufti, Sheikh Taj Al Din El-Hilaly, who made some scholarly comments on rape and adultery recently, the most scholarly of all, as measured in volume of "huh?" being this little gem, on the responsibility of women to "cover up":
"If you leave uncovered meat out, and hungry cats come and eat it, whose fault is it, the cats or the meat
|
Recent CommentsComment by BenP
|
Comments (4)
Add Comments
Read More
Comment by BenP
on So...