Being a young parent and living our mistakes
March 20th 2008 14:02
My cousin was 17 when her son was born. I was 22 when my aughter was born.
Neither of us had a strong family influence to which we could relate to at the time.
We chose to raise our children as we wished we had been raised, there were still unresolved childhood issues and we wanted our kids to be different. Neither of us believed in abortion, we genuinely loved our babies and relished in the thought of motherhood.
Our babies are now teenagers and we are faced with all kinds of problems. My cousins son has run away from home as he wants to be an adult and expects to be able to live as one and my daughter, well she is 9 going on 20.
The problem we face is the way we started out parenting and the way we view the role as a parent now, we didn't realise at the time it would be like this. We are more mature now and the kids have been programmed a particular way, unfortunately it doesnt suit our lives as we would like now.
My cousin is married with 2 young babies, probably why my nephew has such a prob at home, and I am single, but have a BF. I could never imagine myself living with another man again as my energy is totally sucked up by my daughter and working, though it never seems to be enough.
The reason for this blog, so many single parentas cop flack for their undisciplined kids etc. etc. but you know what? There are some of us out there who are probably guilty of loving our kids too much and compensating for the lack of the other parent being involved in their lives. I wish their was a system where instead of blaming the parent or child, blame could directly be put on the absent parent or parent of blame. It is hard enugh working and supporting a child on your own (we both did it without family help), without being made to feel like you don't give a hoot.
My ex owes over $18,000 in Child Support, has not sent a birthday, Christmas or Easter present in 6 years because his girlfriend did not like having to share him. Well they are divorced now but I have had to carry her through the abandonment she has felt.
So when she lies, steals or throws tantrums, I love her because I am so angry at his selfishness and yet still try and manage the misbehaviour. Exactly what my cousin goes through. But I have to cop the lectures and judgements from school. other parents and friends. Is this fair on us? Where does her father accept responsibility, apart from the fact she hates him so much (contributing to her low self esteem), and why is HE not ever held accountable?
Neither of us had a strong family influence to which we could relate to at the time.
We chose to raise our children as we wished we had been raised, there were still unresolved childhood issues and we wanted our kids to be different. Neither of us believed in abortion, we genuinely loved our babies and relished in the thought of motherhood.
Our babies are now teenagers and we are faced with all kinds of problems. My cousins son has run away from home as he wants to be an adult and expects to be able to live as one and my daughter, well she is 9 going on 20.
The problem we face is the way we started out parenting and the way we view the role as a parent now, we didn't realise at the time it would be like this. We are more mature now and the kids have been programmed a particular way, unfortunately it doesnt suit our lives as we would like now.
My cousin is married with 2 young babies, probably why my nephew has such a prob at home, and I am single, but have a BF. I could never imagine myself living with another man again as my energy is totally sucked up by my daughter and working, though it never seems to be enough.
The reason for this blog, so many single parentas cop flack for their undisciplined kids etc. etc. but you know what? There are some of us out there who are probably guilty of loving our kids too much and compensating for the lack of the other parent being involved in their lives. I wish their was a system where instead of blaming the parent or child, blame could directly be put on the absent parent or parent of blame. It is hard enugh working and supporting a child on your own (we both did it without family help), without being made to feel like you don't give a hoot.
My ex owes over $18,000 in Child Support, has not sent a birthday, Christmas or Easter present in 6 years because his girlfriend did not like having to share him. Well they are divorced now but I have had to carry her through the abandonment she has felt.
So when she lies, steals or throws tantrums, I love her because I am so angry at his selfishness and yet still try and manage the misbehaviour. Exactly what my cousin goes through. But I have to cop the lectures and judgements from school. other parents and friends. Is this fair on us? Where does her father accept responsibility, apart from the fact she hates him so much (contributing to her low self esteem), and why is HE not ever held accountable?
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