Beginnings...
October 25th 2010 19:59
Philosopher(fi-los-uh-fer)–noun
1. a person who offers views or theories on profound questions in ethics, metaphysics, logic, and other related fields.
2. a person who is deeply versed in philosophy.
3. a person who establishes the central ideas of some movement, cult, etc.
4. a person who regulates his or her life, actions, judgments, utterances, etc., by the light of philosophy or reason.
5. a person who is rationally or sensibly calm, esp. under trying circumstances.
I'm not quite sure what I'm doing, or how I'm going to do it. Great people have often simply gone off the straight path in order to figure out what to do next. This goes against everything that I have ever written in the past, and I'm not sure that I'll ever do a project quite like this one ever again. With that, I feel inspired to write this story. Some folks might call it divine inspiration, but for me right now, I'm not sure that I'm worthy to be divinely inspired. I am convinced that above all this, God gave me a gift, and it's about time that I started using it to His glory. So often, we're given things that we simply take for granted, and I have taken it for granted for so long. My writings have never, ever mimicked my real life, but something tells me that I'm due for a change.
Times are amazingly complicated. The economy struggles day in and day out, as people look for jobs, meaning, and purpose in life. My husband and I live with my in-laws, and no matter how hard it gets, I know that it can always get harder. I thought about it. Living in the urine blood stained streets of LA seemed almost more a poetic ending to all of this, had it not been for my daughter, a 1 year old, that has since changed my way of thinking with her simple actions. But, with all the joy comes the pain of everyday living. My dreams became dust, and I swept them under the bed to hide them away from my eyes, to hide them amongst the failings and fallings of my life.
November is upon us. November... not a real magical month, doesn't encompass Christmas or Easter, provides us with Thanksgiving and Black Friday, which after last year was still in the red. But, at the end of the year, November is all I have left. I wasn't even going to do it this year. I was going to let it fall beneath my bed, along with my dreams. I might not even finish.
Then, yesterday, at mass... I didn't understand the priest. It's my cursed bad hearing that I cannot fix because I do not have any medical insurance that will cover a simply complicated hearing aid. So, I started listening to my heart. The lub-dub in my gut reminded me that November was close at hand, and there is a job to do. I dismissed it. That night, fed up with the screaming of my darling daughter, I passed her off to Daddy, and boarded myself up in my room. Facebook is a lovely distraction, and I for some odd reason had the chat on.
Ryan Bruce needed to talk to me. Long time friend, once a possible boyfriend before I married my husband, brilliant artist and makeup magician, I thought he would go far. He would be the one to make it out of the northern Los Angeles County city. He would work with the biggest names in the business, playing roles unseen, and being rewarded handsomely from it.
"How're you?" He started. I really didn't want to admit defeat to someone that I hadn't talked to in over a year.
"Pretty good. I have a daughter now, trying to find a job... you know the story; same old, same old. How about you?"
There was a long pause. I could tell from his end of the line that he was thinking about what to type. Had he failed like the rest of us? Were his dreams under the bed, as well? Then the typing text box popped up.
"Not so good. I was involved in a DUI 10 weeks ago." Wow. No matter how hard things got with us, I knew that this would never happen to me. He needed something, someone, to talk to.
That was when I knew that I needed to do this project, no matter how hard it hit to home. People need hope now. And, if at least one person reads this, I will have done my job. My divinely inspired job. So, my dreams are back up on top of the book shelf, looking down at me, and we're ready to begin.
1. a person who offers views or theories on profound questions in ethics, metaphysics, logic, and other related fields.
2. a person who is deeply versed in philosophy.
3. a person who establishes the central ideas of some movement, cult, etc.
4. a person who regulates his or her life, actions, judgments, utterances, etc., by the light of philosophy or reason.
5. a person who is rationally or sensibly calm, esp. under trying circumstances.
I'm not quite sure what I'm doing, or how I'm going to do it. Great people have often simply gone off the straight path in order to figure out what to do next. This goes against everything that I have ever written in the past, and I'm not sure that I'll ever do a project quite like this one ever again. With that, I feel inspired to write this story. Some folks might call it divine inspiration, but for me right now, I'm not sure that I'm worthy to be divinely inspired. I am convinced that above all this, God gave me a gift, and it's about time that I started using it to His glory. So often, we're given things that we simply take for granted, and I have taken it for granted for so long. My writings have never, ever mimicked my real life, but something tells me that I'm due for a change.
Times are amazingly complicated. The economy struggles day in and day out, as people look for jobs, meaning, and purpose in life. My husband and I live with my in-laws, and no matter how hard it gets, I know that it can always get harder. I thought about it. Living in the urine blood stained streets of LA seemed almost more a poetic ending to all of this, had it not been for my daughter, a 1 year old, that has since changed my way of thinking with her simple actions. But, with all the joy comes the pain of everyday living. My dreams became dust, and I swept them under the bed to hide them away from my eyes, to hide them amongst the failings and fallings of my life.
November is upon us. November... not a real magical month, doesn't encompass Christmas or Easter, provides us with Thanksgiving and Black Friday, which after last year was still in the red. But, at the end of the year, November is all I have left. I wasn't even going to do it this year. I was going to let it fall beneath my bed, along with my dreams. I might not even finish.
Then, yesterday, at mass... I didn't understand the priest. It's my cursed bad hearing that I cannot fix because I do not have any medical insurance that will cover a simply complicated hearing aid. So, I started listening to my heart. The lub-dub in my gut reminded me that November was close at hand, and there is a job to do. I dismissed it. That night, fed up with the screaming of my darling daughter, I passed her off to Daddy, and boarded myself up in my room. Facebook is a lovely distraction, and I for some odd reason had the chat on.
Ryan Bruce needed to talk to me. Long time friend, once a possible boyfriend before I married my husband, brilliant artist and makeup magician, I thought he would go far. He would be the one to make it out of the northern Los Angeles County city. He would work with the biggest names in the business, playing roles unseen, and being rewarded handsomely from it.
"How're you?" He started. I really didn't want to admit defeat to someone that I hadn't talked to in over a year.
"Pretty good. I have a daughter now, trying to find a job... you know the story; same old, same old. How about you?"
There was a long pause. I could tell from his end of the line that he was thinking about what to type. Had he failed like the rest of us? Were his dreams under the bed, as well? Then the typing text box popped up.
"Not so good. I was involved in a DUI 10 weeks ago." Wow. No matter how hard things got with us, I knew that this would never happen to me. He needed something, someone, to talk to.
That was when I knew that I needed to do this project, no matter how hard it hit to home. People need hope now. And, if at least one person reads this, I will have done my job. My divinely inspired job. So, my dreams are back up on top of the book shelf, looking down at me, and we're ready to begin.
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