Beam me up God!
November 11th 2008 02:44
On the Great Day of Reckoning
God came to Earth
His spaceship all gleaming,
such gigantic girth.
He looked just like ET
only fifty feet high
With a voice like steel thunder
that ripped through the sky.
His first call of business
was with the Scientologists
To them he murmured, “children,
I know some really good psychologists….”
Next God eyed
the Jews and the Christians,
As he pulled them aside
along with the Islams
Not happy… Kids!
He said shaking his head
Have you not listened to
a word I have said?
Then he called up
the prophets - of each domination
And from them
he demanded - an explanation!
“I made it quite clear
to each of you all,
There is only one god,
there is me… that is all!”
But father they whined,
each over the other
as they argued and fought
each blaming another.
“Stop fighting!” God hollered
wagging his finger,
This is Judgement Day here…
… Not Jerry Springer!”
at last the mob settled
with unanimous conclusion…
none there were to blame
for all the confusion.
God looked quite flustered
And scratched at his head,
He took a deep breath
Then finally said,
“I made just a few rules…
For the whole human race
I gave you the Earth
And said, ‘take care of the place.’
Don’t steal, Don’t murder
Don’t beat on your wife,
Be nice to your neighbours
And live a wholesome life….”
At this point in his speech,
God was taken aback,
Interrupted by a reporter
From way down the back
“God, can you tell us”
Her voice bold and strong
“why have you not
been here for so long?”
“Well…” god looked awkward
then started to say,
as he cast a dark eye
At the CIA…
“some buddies of mine
at my recommendation,
came here to visit
for a relaxing vacation,
But what a fearful
End they did meet,
had a terrible time at
at their Roswell retreat”
An embarrassing silence,
God looked at his feet,
and then a small boy
called from the street
He said, “God, we are sorry
we chopped up your friends…”
Then everyone began trying
to make amends.
With one mighty hand,
God silenced the pack
Then attempted to get
His speech back on track…
“as I was earlier
trying to say,
there were only a few
rules to obey…
Just as any
fit dad would…
I just wanted
…you to be good
Be good to your sisters
Be good to your brothers
Be just people
Equal with others.
Use all that I’ve given you,
to be all that you can,
but never at the cost
of a fellow man.
Don’t argue & fight,
And to kill in my name
Oh what a way to bring
A dad shame.”
God paused for a moment,
Surveying the land
A tear wet his cheek
And dripped onto his hand,
And but a whisper
his voice had become,
“most of all I expected you…
to be good to your mum.”
As the crowd rose
in indignant defence
God cut them off quick
without pretence
“I didn't know”
cried a man in the mob
He fell to his knees
and started to sob
“All of my life
I have followed the book..”
God just gave him
A withering look,
“It doesn’t matter
what you have been told,
For in all human hearts
is written this code.
You know what is wrong,
You know what is right,
That is why I
gave you Personal insight!”
* * * * *
As the day drew onward
And the judgments came to pass
Those who were rejected
Began to call the Lord an ass.
But God just gave a smile
And a little wink as well
he said,
“you can kiss my Holy-Butt…
And you all can go to Hell!”
God came to Earth
His spaceship all gleaming,
such gigantic girth.
He looked just like ET
only fifty feet high
With a voice like steel thunder
that ripped through the sky.
His first call of business
was with the Scientologists
To them he murmured, “children,
I know some really good psychologists….”
Next God eyed
the Jews and the Christians,
As he pulled them aside
along with the Islams
Not happy… Kids!
He said shaking his head
Have you not listened to
a word I have said?
Then he called up
the prophets - of each domination
And from them
he demanded - an explanation!
“I made it quite clear
to each of you all,
There is only one god,
there is me… that is all!”
But father they whined,
each over the other
as they argued and fought
each blaming another.
“Stop fighting!” God hollered
wagging his finger,
This is Judgement Day here…
… Not Jerry Springer!”
at last the mob settled
with unanimous conclusion…
none there were to blame
for all the confusion.
God looked quite flustered
And scratched at his head,
He took a deep breath
Then finally said,
“I made just a few rules…
For the whole human race
I gave you the Earth
And said, ‘take care of the place.’
Don’t steal, Don’t murder
Don’t beat on your wife,
Be nice to your neighbours
And live a wholesome life….”
At this point in his speech,
God was taken aback,
Interrupted by a reporter
From way down the back
“God, can you tell us”
Her voice bold and strong
“why have you not
been here for so long?”
“Well…” god looked awkward
then started to say,
as he cast a dark eye
At the CIA…
“some buddies of mine
at my recommendation,
came here to visit
for a relaxing vacation,
But what a fearful
End they did meet,
had a terrible time at
at their Roswell retreat”
An embarrassing silence,
God looked at his feet,
and then a small boy
called from the street
He said, “God, we are sorry
we chopped up your friends…”
Then everyone began trying
to make amends.
With one mighty hand,
God silenced the pack
Then attempted to get
His speech back on track…
“as I was earlier
trying to say,
there were only a few
rules to obey…
Just as any
fit dad would…
I just wanted
…you to be good
Be good to your sisters
Be good to your brothers
Be just people
Equal with others.
Use all that I’ve given you,
to be all that you can,
but never at the cost
of a fellow man.
Don’t argue & fight,
And to kill in my name
Oh what a way to bring
A dad shame.”
God paused for a moment,
Surveying the land
A tear wet his cheek
And dripped onto his hand,
And but a whisper
his voice had become,
“most of all I expected you…
to be good to your mum.”
As the crowd rose
in indignant defence
God cut them off quick
without pretence
“I didn't know”
cried a man in the mob
He fell to his knees
and started to sob
“All of my life
I have followed the book..”
God just gave him
A withering look,
“It doesn’t matter
what you have been told,
For in all human hearts
is written this code.
You know what is wrong,
You know what is right,
That is why I
gave you Personal insight!”
* * * * *
As the day drew onward
And the judgments came to pass
Those who were rejected
Began to call the Lord an ass.
But God just gave a smile
And a little wink as well
he said,
“you can kiss my Holy-Butt…
And you all can go to Hell!”
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