BATTY BAT
February 18th 2008 02:55
Well I have a dilemma! About 15 years ago my gardening mad mother planted a tree in the oasis that is our back yard. It was small palm tree and she put it near the back verandah. 15 Years later it is massive and houses a variety of feral animals. But the one animal that has lived there nearly all this time is a mad bat who wants to kill me!
I noticed quite a few years ago that every time I walked along the back footpath in the night thing were being thrown at me. And whoever was throwing them was a really good shot. Seeing as it only happened when I was out the back of course I came to the conclusion that there was somebody up there who hated me. And so I spent a lot of time squinting with my fast failing eyesight in the dark trying desperatley to see what was trying to assasinate me!
My family laughed, thought it was hysterical and that I really had lost the plot.
But my friends, I was right! In this sinister monster of a tree lives a bat. Not just a ordinary bat, an evil satanic bat that has a contract out on my life. He watches me from above in all his evilness and waits for the moment when he can rain down injurious berries on my head. I am terrified. I tried tiptoeing, I tried slumping over so he wouldnt see me. All to no avail. He never misses. And now the plot thickens.
My little sister decided in all her practical wisdom to help my mum and chop all the leaves off the bloody tree so it would die. Well can you guess what happened?
The leaves have fallen off, the tree looks like it is dying and the bats really got the shits. And he is taking it out on me. Now as I sit on my computer at night with the door open because it is so bloody hot this arsehole animal from the depths of hell is now throwing berries with such precision they are coming through the door! Every night I face my attacker with valour and bravery. He will not stop me from blogging on my little computer. I will keep typing through the berry attacks and I will keep my door open if I want to. And when there is no more leaves and I can see my evil target clearly I am going throw my dog at him. HA! See how batty likes that! I will make that evil bastard bat pay if its the last thing I do!
I noticed quite a few years ago that every time I walked along the back footpath in the night thing were being thrown at me. And whoever was throwing them was a really good shot. Seeing as it only happened when I was out the back of course I came to the conclusion that there was somebody up there who hated me. And so I spent a lot of time squinting with my fast failing eyesight in the dark trying desperatley to see what was trying to assasinate me!
My family laughed, thought it was hysterical and that I really had lost the plot.
But my friends, I was right! In this sinister monster of a tree lives a bat. Not just a ordinary bat, an evil satanic bat that has a contract out on my life. He watches me from above in all his evilness and waits for the moment when he can rain down injurious berries on my head. I am terrified. I tried tiptoeing, I tried slumping over so he wouldnt see me. All to no avail. He never misses. And now the plot thickens.
The leaves have fallen off, the tree looks like it is dying and the bats really got the shits. And he is taking it out on me. Now as I sit on my computer at night with the door open because it is so bloody hot this arsehole animal from the depths of hell is now throwing berries with such precision they are coming through the door! Every night I face my attacker with valour and bravery. He will not stop me from blogging on my little computer. I will keep typing through the berry attacks and I will keep my door open if I want to. And when there is no more leaves and I can see my evil target clearly I am going throw my dog at him. HA! See how batty likes that! I will make that evil bastard bat pay if its the last thing I do!
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