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Bountygate - they couldn't come up with a better name

If you've been on the dark side of the moon then you haven't heard about the punishments and wrath brought down upon the New Orleans Saints by our Lord Almighty Rodger Goodell:

New Orleans Saints Organization
Fined $500,000
Lose their 2012 and 2013 second round draft picks

Saints Head Coach Sean Payton
Suspended for one season

Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis
Suspended for eight games

Former Saints Defensive Coordinator Greg Williams
Suspended indefinitely


Since assuming the throne in September of 2006 Rodger Goodell has done nothing but make professional football more safe, and more disciplined. I fully understand these athletes are under the media spotlight and for the most part exhibit an aspect of idiocracy unlike the common rabble. They have money to blow and that means an increased sense of ridiculousness. Imagine winning the lottery and being able to buy that Dodge Viper and multi-million dollar home you've always wanted. In short, you've won the game of life and all your friends hate you for that. Now you have nothing but childish games to amuse yourself. See: Dexter Manley doing drugs in a hotel bathroom (my father witnessed this firsthand) and Adam "Pacman" Jones raining one dollar bills onto strippers like they've never seen it before.

However, those two instances pale in comparison to an entire organization ignoring the rules of decency. I believe the punishments are justified in the sense that almost everyone in the Saints organization has lied. Mickey Loomis and Sean Payton both denied knowledge of Greg Williams' bounty system. Can you imagine the amount of complete and utter ignorance it would take for those two individuals not to know? The locker room and practice facilities are fairly small entities. Word would get around. Or a conversation would be overheard. Loomis worked extensively with the players and Payton with his coordinators. The probabilities are stacked against them yet they still shrugged their shoulders and said, "Never heard of it." That's ballsy.

The Saints have now begun their search for a replacement / interim head coach. Bill Parcells has been the most commonly mentioned name as of late. This is mostly due to his friendship with Sean Payton. It's a solid move in my opinion. Saints owner Tom Benson loves the pants off Sean Payton and would no doubt like to keep him for the 2013 season. Hiring a well known friend as the replacement coach would sit well with Payton and put him at ease. It also doesn't hurt the Parcells has a solid coaching history, won two Super Bowls, and his personality and demeanor screams DISCIPLINE.

Sean and Bill struggle to have fun in The Crescent City


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An outcast so quickly

Two days ago the Denver Broncos introduced Peyton Manning as their new signal caller for what could be the next five years. It was only several days prior to the induction ceremony that framed pictures of Tim Tebow adorned the walls of the Broncos' practice facility.

Those pictures were gone on Tuesday morning...and Tim Tebow was still a Bronco. That man annoys me more than anyone else but I actually felt bad for him. It's the offseason so I can't imagine why he would be at the facility, but imagine walking through those hallways and seeing your face erased. He was deemed a savior. Now he's a martyr. He didn't exactly die, nor did he die for a cause, but those are just technicalities.


It didn't take long for the Broncos to trade Tebow to the New York Jets. In return they got a pair of fourth and sixth round draft picks. Do any of you recall what the Broncos paid the Baltimore Ravens in order to move up the draft board to acquire Tebow in the 2010 NFL Draft? Their second, third, and fourth round picks.

Ehh, seems fair to me.

I continue to be perplexed by many of the general managers and offensive coordinators who believe in gimmick players and schemes. The wildcat offense, an option offense catered solely to the quarterback, or signing an injury-prone quarterback with character issues to a 100 million dollar deal are just a few examples. The Giants, Packers, and Patriots employ none of these strategies (if you want to call them that) and last time I checked, those teams are doing exceptionally well with sound play calling and building an organization through the draft.

The Broncos and Jets haven't picked up on what successful teams are doing in the NFL. The Jets not only traded for Tim Tebow, but did so after giving starting quarterback Mark Sanchez a three-year contract extension. Sanchez is now poised to make almost 60 million dollars in the next five years. Perhaps every franchise should do that for a quarterback who gets happy feet at talk of Peyton Manning coming to town. Ridiculous. These two teams are almost as bad as the Washington Redskins...and that's saying a lot.


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Who's better: Andrew Luck or R2D2?

My wife saw that I had opened Orble and was going to write a new article. She blurted out, "Are you going to write about R2D2?" I was puzzled. She attempted to clarify, "You know, he plays for the football team." I hope it was an intentional reference to Robert Griffin III. Otherwise, I've got some work to do in teaching her football.

We're about 5 1/2 weeks away from the 2012 NFL Draft and my brain has been constantly bombarded with two names - Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III. Experts, myself included, can't resist the urge to compare these elite NFL prospects. For your benefit I will refrain from stating the painfully obvious.

Luck is more of a pocket passer. We get that. The system in which he played at Stanford University will allow for an easier transition to professional football. No shit. Robert Griffin III, who will henceforth be known as RG3 in this article, possesses superior athletic ability that opposing defenses will most definitely need to account for. Oh right, I said I wasn't going to state the obvious. Sorry. It's a force of habit. As a writer you have to assume that every one of your readers is a simpleton. That's why I put the words "New England Patriots quarterback" in front of the name "Tom Brady" because I need to account for the one dumb shit who has no freakin' clue what he's reading about.

It's hard to choose one of these quarterbacks over the other. RG3 will no doubt energize an entire franchise. He'll bring excitement on and off the field, put fans into seats, attract talent from elsewhere in the league, and most importantly win games. Unfortunately, his modus operandi is not that of a Super Bowl winning quarterback. No quarterback has rushed for over 400 yards in a season and won a championship. RG3 rushing for 600-700 yards is seemingly possible. Is he worth the second overall pick? Absolutely. The Redskins sure think so. At this point in time though, Luck is more likely to win a championship. Isn't that what this league is all about? It's hard to choose one, but I guess I just did. Sorry R2. I'll make it up to you. I promise I won't let the Jawas draft you and then sell you with a bunch of protocol droids.

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Bucky Brooks should be a free agent

I guess you guys are expecting a whole article dedicated to the Peyton Manning free agency bonanza. Well it's not going to happen. I find the whole story...boring. It essentially boils down to which mediocre team has enough weapons to lure Manning into the fold. On Manning's end, he's still trying to show that he's worth something by throwing long balls at Duke University for almost an entire week. His little baby hands are grasping at the air, just waiting for someone to pick him up.

sleepy timeeeee

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Who dat dere got money?

Saints quarterback Drew Brees got slapped with the franchise tag on Saturday. He'll make 14.4 million dollars this coming season. Naturally, he's pissed. I would be. I would not be able to live on that kind of money. I have several yachts that I still need to pay for, 11 kids that need private schooling, and my current enclosure for King Kong needs some retooling. If I need more money, than you best be sure Drew Brees needs more money.

Both parties have shit the bed in handling this situation. Let's start with the New Orleans Saints. The organization recently came under fire for advocating the use of bounties during important games. In a sense, a Saints player would be compensated financially if he was able to injure an opponent's elite player - ie: take him out of the game...permanently. This meant lots and lots of dirty hits. The Saints have managed to pin almost all of these allegations on their former defensive coordinator Greg Williams. Oddly enough, Williams has issued a personal statement and essentially fallen on the sword, but there's still residual suspicion about the Saints' front office and punishments will most likely be handed down


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Welcome back...

Yes. Welcome me back. It's been a little over three months since my last post. Life got in the way, to say the least. Not to mention a two-week honeymoon. Nevertheless, I'm back to lay claim to what is rightfully mine. After a certain amount of time Orble will allow aspiring bloggers and their little rat claws to take over an inactive blog. I simply could not let that happen to my baby.

A lot has transpired since uhhh...predicting the Thanksgiving day games. I spent an inordinate amount covering the NFL's regular season. Ideally I should have continued that journalistic fervor into the playoffs, but life doesn't bend to your will. I won't go into details and that's bound to disappoint some of you as I'm certain you're reading this blog not for its contents, but to find out what happened to me during my hiatus. Or at least that's what I'd like to think. Insert winky face


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Here's to slaughtering indians and stuffing our faces!

Merriam-Webster defines Thanksgiving as a day appointed for giving thanks for divine goodness: as

a : the fourth Thursday in November observed as a legal holiday in the United States


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Foolish Decisions, part 1

NFL players are human beings, or at least that's the impression I'm under, and make bad decisions just like us subpar human beings. Some of these decisions are thrust into the limelight and put under the innumerable microscopes of sports media. Others are merely backstories to a greater plot. I'd like to shed some light on a recent financial decision made by former-Giants wide receiver Steve Smith.

Smith spent his college years at the University of Southern California buried under the talent of fellow receivers Mike Williams and Dwayne Jarrett. He eventually made his mark on the college football world, albeit at the end of his college tenure, and this was enough to get him drafted by the New York Giants in the second round of the 2007 NFL Draft


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The human race sickens me

I don't go into work until 2pm so I'm doing my characteristic pre-work drinking and dicking around. I've been reading some news articles and everyone is flipping shit about today being 11-11-11. Among the better articles out there is one detailing the closure of the largest Giza pyramid, Khufu's pyramid. Apparently the Egyptian government is worried about impromptu rituals and other weird happenings on this momentous day in history. There's also a group known as TheCall (the name is cooler because there's no space in it) that is organizing a massive gathering at Ford Field in Detroit. Tonight they'll try to exorcise an imaginative demon that has been plaguing the United States for some time now. TheCall cites the lingering economic recession, the advance of Islam, homosexuality, and abortion as plights that need to be removed from this country. They've actually named this demon as Baal. I thought I was done with this?! Mephisto, Diablo, and Baal were all dead! I single-handedly took care of it myself! It's been 11 years since that fateful day and now it seems they're all back. Fucking demons just don't know when to quit...

Only a handful of you will get that reference


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Tax write-offs, learning curves, surliness, and John Beck

I know, I know....I haven't posted in forever. I have a good excuse though. I got married. Then I went back to work a couple days later and my car broke down during my first commute as a married man. It just coooooaaasted to a stop, then refused to start again. Apparently one of the pistons annihilated its intake valve and now my engine is a piece of dead weight. At least I can donate the car and get a $500 tax write-off. I imagine these are all good omens in the sense that my life can't get any worse right now.

So how about that National Football League?! There's some crazy shit going on. I'm going to touch on a couple topics that have roused my interest and you're going to sit there and read it. Why? Because I told you so. No, that's not an excuse. Your bladder can expand to the size of a softball. Hold it in. Yes, I understand your friend is coming over for Totino's Pizza Rolls but he's got a 30-minute commute ahead of him. Plus his mother drives like a donkey pulling a cart. We have time. Just read the damn article or I'ma take my belt off


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