Recent Posts
September 26th 2006 10:14
Graham Norton is a TV presenter who trades on his lovable campness and, often, extreme filthiness, though the critical consensus seems to be he sold out when he left Channel 4 for the BBC. Last night, Shane Warne was a guest on his show alongside Jackie Collins, Juliette Lewis and comedian Marcus Brigstocke.
His main contribution seemed to be snippets of him laughing (or very pointedly not) at the 'jokes' by the other guests. When he was allowed to speak though, he waxed lyrical about Jackie Collins' new book, where he got quite excited at the prospect of 'twisting' during a blowjob, a scene in it. Also, he told the story of how when he was 17 his headmaster used to cane his behind everyday, before Jackie Collins chimed in with comments about him enjoying it. The sexual tension was almost palpable between them, while he was more confused I think by Juliette Lewis. When he told the story of Glenn McGrath buying a hummer for the summer, Brigstocke told Warne to tell McGrath 'I think he's a dick'. Oh how they all laughed. Norton read from Warne's new book too(not the unauthorised biography previously covered on these pages) Very well dressed in a sharp black suit, he did ok, despite seeming slightly put off by the highly gay banter of it all.
One is almost reminded of the hugely embarrassing appearance made by David Campese on sports-quiz-lewd-comedy show They Think Its All Over, some years ago now. After being ribbed for something trivial by comedian Rory McGrath, Campo got very defensive and proceeded to list the sports that Australia were world champions in at the time. A dreadful silence descended over the studio as this strange man suddenly felt so insecure as to counter his teasings with serious, measured answers. The atmosphere was only broken when host Nick Hancock broke in to declare that 'netball's not a real sport'.
September 25th 2006 15:15
The new biography of Nicole Kidman, written by apparently eminent cinema critic David Thomson, seems very strange indeed. Peter Conrad reviews it in The Observer. Thomson seems to be slightly obsessed with Kidman erotically. Conrad sees the book as entertaining and says it does contain gushing passages describing her acting skills and affinity with the camera. But some other quotes Conrad pulls out involve Thomson praising Kidman's 'commas of breast', 'boyish hips', 'gingery pubic hair' and 'very pretty bare bottom'.
In what sounds like a pretty complex work, Thomson sees Kidman as the 'allure or witchery of film itself', which is itself inherently voyeuristic, and that VHS and DVD sound like venereal diseases. Kidman is a whore, Thomson says, as is every actress, because they are available for 'intimate relations with strangers'. Kidman is constantly saying to the camera 'wouldn't you like to fuck me?' The book sounds like one man's (very colourfully told) fantasisings, so it isn’t really a biography at all, indeed Conrad says Thomson 'often strays into territory left to pornography' and that he is 'lucky to have such an understanding wife'. One dreads to think how sticky this man's laptop must be.
September 20th 2006 11:20
Like I say, Pom stories have been thin on the ground in recent days. Indeed, I was almost forced to make this post exclusively about The Observer picking up on the list of most-hated foreigners as voted on by Australians. Fabio Grosso, the Italian cretin who cheated Lucas Neill out of a penalty to knock Australia out of the World Cup, came top. Apparently one Italian paper said ‘It shows how much we hurt them’. I, for one, am looking forward to the next Wallabies-Italy match. Spill some blood, boys. The only other thing I came across was this review of Bernard Fanning’s new album by some dashing and insightful young man.
But this was before I came across a very juicy article in the Sunday Times. Robert Hughes, ‘Australia’s most opinionated aesthete’, writes an article about how much he hates the avant-garde, and next to it is a mini-portrait of Hughes by another journalist. It’s full of interesting things. He’s such an odd figure. Calling an Indian prosecutor at his trial for dangerous driving (the crash in 1999 that nearly killed him and leaves him in constant pain and with a limp to this day) is not going to endear him to the world, neither is calling the occupants of the car that he hit ‘lowlife scum’.
The crux of the article is about Hughes’ relationship with his homeland: ‘it seems odd that so distinguished an Australian intellectual, so admired by much of the English speaking world, should be regarded with such reserve by his countrymen.’ One Sydney columnist said ‘he thinks we are an uncultured and ungrateful bunch of yobs’ to which Hughes responds with ‘bullshit’, and says that the Oz Media has lumped himself, Clive James, Barry Humphries and Germaine Greer into a ‘cabal whose purpose is to denigrate Australia and piss on its fair name. Its total rubbish’.
He is angry bastard, but when it comes to Greer, he espouses opinions that are hard not to love: ‘Germaine I basically can’t stand. Oh, she’s never done me any harm, but her pretensions to being the grande dame of Aboriginehood and all that stuff are ludicrous’. I know exactly what he means. And of Greer’s attack on Steve Irwin in the wake of his death (see previous post): ‘I certainly didn’t know he was regarded as this Australian hero…then Germaine weighs in with all this stuff about the torturer of reptiles and a disturber of the natural order, and I mean, for Christ’s sake, who gives a flying fuck about that?’
Outspoken, angry, foulmouthed. As much as he’d like to, he just can’t purge himself of his Australianness.
September 14th 2006 10:48
Yesterday's Guardian pitted a battle of opinions between the ex-Derbyshire talisman Dominic Cork and Australian's favourite totem for race relations, I mean portly middle-order batsman, Darren Lehmann. The subject was whether England are equipped to win the Ashes with their current squad.
Cork acknowledges the inexperience of the fruity newcomers like Liam Plunkett and Sajid Mahmood - not to mention Monty Panesar, who I expect Australian fans will love but sledge to the high heavens. Cork also pays lip service to Australia by saying 'No one can deny how good Australia are and how they have responded since losing the Ashes.' But in true British style, the crux of Cork's argument is that England only need to do adequately: 'At the end of the day they only need a draw to retain the Ashes. Australia will need to do all the running because they have to win - how long have we been waiting to be in a position like that?'
[ Click here to read more ]
September 11th 2006 10:52
No player in English rugby league's top division, of any nationality, has ever been fawned over by the British press quite as much as Jamie Lyon. A centre of immense talent and power, he's pretty much dominated the super league this year and made St Helens the best in the land. This weekend, his team destroyed Leeds 52-18 and Lyon scored a hat-trick of tries and 24 points. This led the Observer to write: 'If there is a finer centre in either code of rugby than Jamie Lyon then he must be playing with the gods'. He moves to Manly for next season, and the BBC website thinks that 'the rest of super league will be glad to see him go'. Methinks that now Joey is nearing the end of his career, Jamie Lyon may come to dominate rugby league in a similar way. Obviously the NRL will be tougher but the guy is a bit of a phenomenon. Maybe Manly should play him at five-eighth?
Staying with sport, The Sunday Times had a nib questioning the logic in the transfer market of Sydney FC: 'You've just sold one player regarded as your "star" for £200,000 to pay off some debt. So what do you do next? Well, surely you don't send for Benito Carbone, who once famously earned £40,000 a week for doing not an awful lot with financially challenged Bradford City in its long lost Premiership days.' Now, I remember Carbone from when he played in the Premiership for various clubs, and he balanced the (very) occasional moment of brilliance with absurd arrogance and blatant money-grubbing. And I thought Dwight Yorke was a cretin. Good luck Sydney FC.
September 10th 2006 10:17
The Daily Telegraph, that esteemed broadsheet for those with a fairly right-wing, establishment bent and a goodly amount of money, have some reason on their website a page that is basically a celebration of what Australia offers to the visitor. Obviously, they've cut a deal with Tourism Australia or something like that, which is fine, but they've put it in a section entitled 'Special Reports', as if one of their prized hacks has gone down under and done a hard-hitting piece of investigative journalism to reveal that, err, Australia has lots to offer 'whatever you want from your holiday.'
The page is split into a few different sections covering what you can see and do, eg cities, outback, beach culture with a 'celebrity' describing the benefits of each attraction, then a few comments from ordinary folk. One of them says of Bondi beach 'I saw Danni Minogue there once and tried to impress her by running and diving in the sea. Sadly I'd not done my trunks up tight enough and they came up before me' Poor sap. But a Brit on Bondi beach surely deserves it.
[ Click here to read more ]
Shane Warne’s new biography by Paul Barry took a bit of a pasting by Gideon Haigh in the Observer Sport Monthly at the weekend. According to the review, Barry falls victim to sensationalism and pointing out the bleeding obvious. Utilising apparently dubious sources ('one of Shane’s mates at Channel 9'), Barry gets excited about the rumour Warney has slept with 1000 women. Has he really? I keep forgetting that back home cricket does retain some glamour and chick-magnetism. Over here, aside from Kevin Pieterson dating some drippy floozy from a girl band and Andrew Flintoff’s wife, cricket remains not a sport the prospective WAG looks towards.
Haigh also points out that Barry spouts such inanities as ‘what made the Australians so hard to beat was that they always put their opponents under so much pressure’. Wow. Such dazzling insight assures you that Australian sports journalism is in good hands. A better job remains to be done on the old boy, it seems. I’m guessing the definitive tome will be done by the man himself.
[ Click here to read more ]
Hello and welcome. This is a space where any Australian issues in the British media are given a proper mulling over. No subject is spared, be it politics, sport, the arts, entertainment, whatever. I guess the inspiration behind it is Alistair Cooke’s missives from America for various British newspapers and radio. Except this humble blog will have one or two less readers and be less, well, good.
It’s a shame to begin with the sad story of Steve Irwin. Germaine Greer’s piece in The Guardian was pitched on the front page with the quote ‘the animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin’. The article itself is pretty harsh (accompanied by a wooden piece from Jono Coleman celebrating Irwin), remarking that ‘there was not an animal he was not prepared to manhandle. Every creature he brandished at the camera was in distress’ and that his ‘self delusion is what it takes to be a “real Aussie larrikin.”’
[ Click here to read more ]
|
|
|
Add Comments
Comments (2)
Read More
Comment by Barnaby
on Telegraph's hard sell