Recent Posts
1. "I just said; 'I was going to do it but my Karma ran over my Dogma."
2. "One thing I can tell you is my daschund won't be travelling economy. He won't."
3. "I was like - I don't care about my wallet, or keys or anything. I just want my pants! 'Cos I'm not going to a wedding in my jocks!"
4. "I'm with Arthur C. Clarke on that one, he said 'I don't believe in astrology - I'm a Taurus and we're very skeptical.'"
5. "She said those magic words you really don't want to hear from your doctor - 'Shall I lance that and get the pus out?"
6. "Well I guess, if you're gonna give me a little kid to beat up, ya may as well borrow my ute."
7. "If a woman fucks you in an aeroplane toilet, then proudly boasts about it, and the fact that it was unprotected sex and that she never wears underwear, there's only one word. Slapper.'"
8. "So... it's your birthday... and guess what I've got?" -"Um... Herpes?"
9. '"So if it's $3 or whatever for 2 hours, how long will I need?" - "Well I like to have dinner then stroll along the river, then maybe go drinking in a bar but you just probably need to go to a whorehouse and get laid so, let's say ten minutes?"
10. "My Google is smarter than you"
1. "I always guarantee girls at least one orgasm. Mine."
2. "Don't touch. No. Leave boobs alone."
3. "Hey shut the fuck up. Don't call your little brother a dog. Jeez I don't know where you kids get that fuckin language"
4. "I lost my phone and all my numbers with it. Now I've got, like, no friends at all."
5. "You know when they say, "when you're tired of London, you're tired of life" well I got there ten years ago."
6. "Have you finished that Sudoku? Good, I really need to blow my nose."
7. "Three more fuckin words mate and I'll put ya to sleep!" -"Fuck off..." -"Right, two more and I'll fuckin deck ya.'"
8. "I was at Starbucks and I asked for a cup of coffee and the guy behind the counter said "what??"
9. '"My greed outweighs my need."
10. "Can you help me? I had to get someone to help me buy a ticket, now I need someone to tell me where to stick it"
Overheard on the tram.
Volume 5
1. "Arse crack is the new cleavage""
2. "Your box smells like peppermint"
3. "What do they work out in five days of cricket that they can't work out in one day?"
4. "Actually I'm surprised that cannibalism isn't more widespread"
5. "He was okay. He used to be mean to prostitutes but he didn't hit people."
6. "I've been looking into online suicide."
7. "It was alright. You get to see an allegedly 15 year old snatch.'"
8. "I wouldn't fuck Jesus but I'd give him a reach-around."
9. '"I've got no despair to spare."
10. "Fuck them. I've got friends. I've got best friends all over Melbourne that nobody knows about"
Overheard on the tram.
1. "Yeah,I may be completely drunk and fucked but even I can tell that's in your lap
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1. "Yeah, his name's Duncan but his DJ name is 'Duncan Disorderly""
2. "Who's Charles Manson?"
3. "She just said 'I'm up the blob at the mo' but ya can crack me up the shitter if ya like
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1. "Oh God, why won't madonna adopt me?"
2. "I just got a letter - they say I'm disconnected."
3. "Why would she want to talk to me? I don't want to talk to me
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It doesnt matter. Call him what you like, hell always be Jihad Jack to me.
Yeah, thats right, Im the guy that cut the guys leg off with an axe.
Mixed media. Huh, the artworks formerly known as prints
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It's the same old story. Kill a man, they call you a murderer and lock you up. Kill a million people, they call you totalitarian and after a few decades, they lose patience, put their foot down and charge you with crimes against humanity. You fuck one sheep... No hang on, that's a different story. At any rate, amid much discussion about Australian Values, instead of writing down our values in a meaningless list, why don't we look at the way we ACT to show our values. By that reasoning you can see the values of our society by what we deem as a crime, and how we treat those that break the law. Steal a loaf of bread - alright, that's a cliche, make it a plasma - from the corner shop and you will be called a thief, then you'll be man-handled, arrested and thrown in gaol. Steal a million dollars from a major company and/or millions of shareholders and you'll be called a "white-collar criminal" or "disgraced former corporate high-flier" and you'll be politely escorted to an endless stream of high profile court appearances, where various notables will testify on your behalf before you will be fined and released once more into the wild.
Money buys justice and the more money you have, the less justice we get. If you're a high profile businessman, mafioso, master criminal, dictator or celebrity your case is going to attract attention and you are either going to use your position, money and influence to wiggle out of it or you'll be tried by the media and hung out to dry in the court of public opinion. If you're the head of state and you're being tried by the people that deposed you, I think you'll want to get some kind of super lawyer like Erin Brockovich on your side. Saddam and Milosevic get their time in the sun and they spend it grilling the judges. They are Big Bad Men and as such, they get attention and also a kind of respect. But please, someone tell me, what makes David Hicks so goddam special? He is obviously much more dangerous than any common dictator. We know this because of the way he is treated. No charge, no trial, no lawyer, no phonecall - he's so bad we can't even see him. Howard, Bush and Ruddock seem to think even the sight of David could activate sleeper cells all over the world. To let him speak may allow coded messages to spurt into the ether and ignite a chain events culminating in 911 times a thousand. Man he's bad. Even Osama gets his videos played. You can still listen to Charlie Manson records if you want. You would think Hicks had three heads or something. Maybe he's like the girl in the exorcist so that whenever he opens his mouth, he says something vile about your mother having fun down below. Maybe he's just plain ugly.
The fact that an Australian citizen is left abandoned by his government, in a lawless, shadowy gulag with no access to common law or common humanity is a festering boil on the Australian psyche. No other country, especially no other member of the "Coalition of the willing" would be willing to allow one of it's citizens to be treated in such a blatantly illegal and immoral way. Britain had only to ask for its citizens and they were released immediately. The US say they have recieved no request from the Australian government. Jeez, even Schapelle Corby and all the other drug mules in Indonesia got a better deal than that. You know you're in trouble when even drug dealers are rated higher than your own sorry arse
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September 26th 2006 03:55
Terror. Its a frightening word. Sheer terror. Strike terror into your heart. Terrorise. Terrorism. What does it mean? It used to be just plain scary but now it means so much more. I dont think anyone can deny that terrorism has taken on new dimensions since that day in September (and I dont mean Grand final day) and although terrorism as a military/political tactic has been around for aeons (the gunpowder plot, the Boer War, the Irish Struggle to name a few instances) the word has new currency in the brave new millenium. The Oxford defines a terrorist thus: One who favours or uses terror-inspiring methods of governing or of coercing government or communtiy, hence terrorist. This is obviously not the way the term is applied today, as this definition could easily mean any government who has waged war, used the death penalty or spoken about a possible threat (eg: communism, Hitler, AIDS). In the present usage, the term carries a damning moral weight and is used subjectively as a term of unquestionable despicability. It also implies an inverse state of pure innocence on the victims of terror. The generally accepted meaning seems to be One who uses violence against civilians to gain maximum publicity for a cause and is almost universally deplored. The Good Guys dont use terror tactics; they use Just War. They dont use suicide bombers; they use cluster bombs. They dont call it terror; they call it Shock and Awe.
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September 22nd 2006 04:29
A Down-Under David versus globalised Goliath story emerged recently that highlighted a particularly ugly facet of global economics - cultural vampirism. This particular episode involves a real, honest-to-God, mom and pop outfit in Western Australia getting picked on and generally shoved around by a typically faceless, American corporation, resulting in a legal stoush in which nobody, least of all the innocent public, can truly claim victory. The brouhaha is over an inglorious entry in the fashion annals in the shape of the Australian ugg boot. This is a brutally uggly piece of footwear (hence the name) that when misguidedly worn resembles, nay embodies, a pair of dead sheep on the feet. Their only beauty lies in their simple functionality as say, bedroom slippers. To be worn INSIDE. But shit, if the shoe fits, wear it to meet the pope for all I care. Apparently this white-trash favourite became trendy at some point (I missed it Im afraid) reportedly because Pamela Anderson donned a pair. Although that cant possibly be right as white macrame bikini wedding attire still hasnt taken off and Ive yet to see anyone sauntering down Hollywood Boulevard in a bright red, one-piece swimsuit but hey, what do I know? At any rate the issue raised its uggly head in all its jingoistic glory in a documentary The good, the bad and the ugg boot which screened recently on Australian TV. After fifty-odd years of infamy in Australian culture, the humble ugg boot took off as millions of gullible Americans put the fuggly things on. This resulted in a gaggle of American manufacturers jumping on the ugg wagon and, God forbid, mass-producing the fuckers. Why anyone would want to commit ugg trafficking let alone encourage their proliferation can only mean their greed outweighs their fashion sense but, yknow, whatever man. Let em wear cake I say. Anyhoo heres the rub, massive multinational moccasin manufacturer Decker not only makes the things and markets them as UGG Australia but then goes beyond the pale and copyrights the term! They back this up with legal muscle to force small operators to cease and desist use of the words ugg, ug and ugh. American Ugg manufacturer Koolaburra (is that a real word or is it a cheap appropriation of kookaburra crossed with coolibah?) fought Deckers and lost, forcing closure of their business. Enter Uggs-N-Rugs, a husband and wife business in WA who fight valiantly to overturn the trademark. Ultimately they triumph, giving the doco a great, feel-good ending, but the uggliness remains. Whilst they proved that ugg is a generic term, allowing ugg boots to be labelled as such in Australia, the trademark still stands in the U.S. UGG Australia still dominates the world market (despite the fact it is an American company selling boots made in China) and continues to ruthlessly enforce their ownership of the words. It is similar to Nikes trademark on Just do it which is different from say, Coke is the real thing because it isnt particular to the brand and covers a generic term. I imagine the Chinese were none to happy to see their gooseberries re-branded as Kiwifruit but I dont remember anyone complaining. This begs the question, why is our language up for sale? When a foreign company can call themselves UGG Australia we have lost not only our words but also our national identity. Surely governments should have a role in defending our identity and our culture. Even if we talk in pure economic terms, our nation is our brand and we should be defending that as vigorously as any corporation. The French dont lie down when it comes to French Champagne so why are we rolling over? Should I take out a trademark on American Baseball Caps?
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Comment by backseat sniper
on Overheard on the tram.