Back to Earth
July 28th 2011 14:30
I haven't written here in quite some time. My spiritual journey of faith has taken a few unexpected turns. To be less precise, I came to a fork in the road and have been stuck there for a long time. Every time I take a few steps in one direction, my spirit aches. It fights. It struggles inside of me. When I go the other direction, the pain of my past makes each step feel like I am lifting weights and can't go forward.
Right now I have decided that it might not be a bad thing to build a shelter right at the center of that division. I don't have to go either way. Who says that I can't stay right where I am?
Eventually, I think I will choose. But I am not like most people. I am not a herd animal. I tend not to follow the group. I like to either lead or hang back and see if they are running toward a cliff. In this case, I am contemplating going cross country. Why follow either fork? Why not travel the unbroken ground instead of following the path others have laid?
I have seen where each road leads and I do not like either path. Neither goes to a place I want to be on earth and both claim to lead to heaven. I believe they both do lead to heaven as none of what I find would exclude them from the Biblical ideals necessary to 'earn' that reward. The things they differ in are matters of personal interpretation to some, and at the heart of the faith to others. People will argue, split churches, split families and become enemies over such trivial things. Is choosing either path rewarding those who first broke that ground?
The first path is pretty typical. Pretty traditional in it's legalism though contemporary in it's expression. The second path is much more contemporary in it's weaker legalistic structure and more traditional in both it's expression and actual organization. Both avenues of faith seem equal, and yet my soul and spirit rebel against them both equally.
Is it my sin that causes the rebellion? Or is it a part of me that is meant to lead in a totally different style and reach a completely different people? Is it me? or is it God? Until I have an idea, I think I am going to build that shelter.
Right now I have decided that it might not be a bad thing to build a shelter right at the center of that division. I don't have to go either way. Who says that I can't stay right where I am?
Eventually, I think I will choose. But I am not like most people. I am not a herd animal. I tend not to follow the group. I like to either lead or hang back and see if they are running toward a cliff. In this case, I am contemplating going cross country. Why follow either fork? Why not travel the unbroken ground instead of following the path others have laid?
I have seen where each road leads and I do not like either path. Neither goes to a place I want to be on earth and both claim to lead to heaven. I believe they both do lead to heaven as none of what I find would exclude them from the Biblical ideals necessary to 'earn' that reward. The things they differ in are matters of personal interpretation to some, and at the heart of the faith to others. People will argue, split churches, split families and become enemies over such trivial things. Is choosing either path rewarding those who first broke that ground?
The first path is pretty typical. Pretty traditional in it's legalism though contemporary in it's expression. The second path is much more contemporary in it's weaker legalistic structure and more traditional in both it's expression and actual organization. Both avenues of faith seem equal, and yet my soul and spirit rebel against them both equally.
Is it my sin that causes the rebellion? Or is it a part of me that is meant to lead in a totally different style and reach a completely different people? Is it me? or is it God? Until I have an idea, I think I am going to build that shelter.
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