The Voices in my HeadAutumn Grace: Part 4
February 13th 2007 00:58
He still wasn’t speaking to her as he put the car in park. He got out and walked around to her car door and opened it, “I want to show you something. Please.” He held out his hand and she took it.
“Do you see that house, the fourth one from the left?” He asked her quietly, pointing to a beautiful, three story Tudor-style house. She nodded.
`“That is going to be my house someday...” He looked at her. “…our house someday, I hope.
"I saw that house the first day of my paper route when I was about twelve and I decided that someday I would live there, no matter what it took.” Tyler continued to explain, “I don’t care if the biggest racist lives in the house to the right. I don’t care if the head of some black power group lives in the house to the left, Autumn-Grace. What I care about, more than anything, is that I am 27-years-old. I am finishing my master’s degree in engineering this fall and there are scouts inquiring about me. I am a volunteer for underprivileged children. I am in the National Guard-”
“I know, Tyler, and I am so proud of you. You know that.” Autumn said.
“I am my own person, Autumn-Grace. I am not just a black man who dates white women. I am not just my skin color. I am a man who loves you. You are not just a skin color to me, and I can’t be a skin color to you.” Tyler said. “I can’t marry you like this, Autumn-Grace. I can’t marry someone who cares about people staring, even if they aren’t staring, baby. I can’t reduce myself to a skin color for anyone, not even for you. The question is…can you accept that?” Tyler asked, staring deeply into her eyes. “I have to know right now. This moment. Can you?” When he finished, as he was waiting for her response, Autumn’s tears nearly choked her.
She realized for the first time that the problem she had seen in others, Tyler now seen in her. Maybe he was right. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe this entire time, she had been projecting her own feelings onto others. She knew it wasn’t a problem with Tyler that caused her reactions, but even if she reacted that way to make him feel comfortable with her, that she understood his struggles as a black man, it now made her sick. She loved Tyler more than any person on earth.
“The question is, Tyler, can you forgive me?” Autumn-Grace asked, watching his face, needing to know he was being completely honest with her.
“Baby, there is nothing to forgive.” He came to her then and wrapped his arms around her. “This is part of our struggle to become one. This isn’t a question of right and wrong. This is a matter of being on the same page and dealing with these issues the same way,” Tyler continued, “but we have to be on the same page. We can’t continue this way. Our children can’t see a difference in how we handle these issues.”
Autumn-Grace could only nod. “I am proud to be with you. You have never been the problem.” She walked a couple of steps in front of him.
“I think it will just take some time to change the way I see things. I know you are right. I can’t change how I think overnight, Tyler, but I think I can get used to thinking about things differently. I really do.” She turned to face him.
“That’s okay. It took me 27 years.” He smiled, “I just have to know you can get there.”
She turned away from him again and looked at the house Tyler had brought her to see. “…And I think I could get used to the house, too.”
Tyler grabbed her and kissed her hard, in front of any of their future, nosy neighbors who might be watching.
“There goes the neighborhood.” Tyler said into Autumn-Grace’s ear, as he cradled her from behind, throwing them both into fits of laughter.
Much later that night, Autumn-Grace went home and crawled in bed with her mother like she had when she was little.
“Do you see that house, the fourth one from the left?” He asked her quietly, pointing to a beautiful, three story Tudor-style house. She nodded.
`“That is going to be my house someday...” He looked at her. “…our house someday, I hope.
"I saw that house the first day of my paper route when I was about twelve and I decided that someday I would live there, no matter what it took.” Tyler continued to explain, “I don’t care if the biggest racist lives in the house to the right. I don’t care if the head of some black power group lives in the house to the left, Autumn-Grace. What I care about, more than anything, is that I am 27-years-old. I am finishing my master’s degree in engineering this fall and there are scouts inquiring about me. I am a volunteer for underprivileged children. I am in the National Guard-”
“I know, Tyler, and I am so proud of you. You know that.” Autumn said.
“I am my own person, Autumn-Grace. I am not just a black man who dates white women. I am not just my skin color. I am a man who loves you. You are not just a skin color to me, and I can’t be a skin color to you.” Tyler said. “I can’t marry you like this, Autumn-Grace. I can’t marry someone who cares about people staring, even if they aren’t staring, baby. I can’t reduce myself to a skin color for anyone, not even for you. The question is…can you accept that?” Tyler asked, staring deeply into her eyes. “I have to know right now. This moment. Can you?” When he finished, as he was waiting for her response, Autumn’s tears nearly choked her.
She realized for the first time that the problem she had seen in others, Tyler now seen in her. Maybe he was right. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe this entire time, she had been projecting her own feelings onto others. She knew it wasn’t a problem with Tyler that caused her reactions, but even if she reacted that way to make him feel comfortable with her, that she understood his struggles as a black man, it now made her sick. She loved Tyler more than any person on earth.
“The question is, Tyler, can you forgive me?” Autumn-Grace asked, watching his face, needing to know he was being completely honest with her.
“Baby, there is nothing to forgive.” He came to her then and wrapped his arms around her. “This is part of our struggle to become one. This isn’t a question of right and wrong. This is a matter of being on the same page and dealing with these issues the same way,” Tyler continued, “but we have to be on the same page. We can’t continue this way. Our children can’t see a difference in how we handle these issues.”
Autumn-Grace could only nod. “I am proud to be with you. You have never been the problem.” She walked a couple of steps in front of him.
“I think it will just take some time to change the way I see things. I know you are right. I can’t change how I think overnight, Tyler, but I think I can get used to thinking about things differently. I really do.” She turned to face him.
“That’s okay. It took me 27 years.” He smiled, “I just have to know you can get there.”
She turned away from him again and looked at the house Tyler had brought her to see. “…And I think I could get used to the house, too.”
Tyler grabbed her and kissed her hard, in front of any of their future, nosy neighbors who might be watching.
“There goes the neighborhood.” Tyler said into Autumn-Grace’s ear, as he cradled her from behind, throwing them both into fits of laughter.
Much later that night, Autumn-Grace went home and crawled in bed with her mother like she had when she was little.
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Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
~Lily
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
It was! and I did! lol I got an A on the revision. Thanks for the comment!
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by Lily
Ars Poetica
~Lily
Comment by Wendi
Glad I took the time to read. Even more glad you got good marks for your effort.
W
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
Thank you, I really appreciate your comments. My greatest fear as someone who has not experienced the storyline, is that it would not speak to those who have, which was the challenge of the assignment. There were many, many revisions on this story, as I originally wrote it in 1995. It doesn't even resemble the original story in many ways, which is why it got an A. lol Thanks again for taking the time to read.
Come back,
Voices~
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
COngrats on the mark, a very well deserved one.
ash
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
Thank you for that...I appreciate it, truly.
Come back, you are always welcome, you know.
Voices~
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Moonbeam
NICE!!!!!
Kudos to u girl!
Way to go! Keep up the good-no; great work.
Love ya,
Auntie Moonbeam