Australians dealing with Silly Tourists
October 16th 2009 01:24
Thanks to mum for sending me these - I got a good laugh. We all know that some people think us Australians are a backwards country and that we are all Crocodile Dundee and that Kangaroos bounce across the Harbour Bridge. On an Australian Tourism Website pending tourists to our lovely country decided to ask some questions which they thought were completely justified. The officials of the tourism website obvioulsy had a great sense of humour and these answers are the actual responses by the website officials.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die. _____________________________ _____________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
_____________________________ ___________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing
in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked. _____________________________ _____________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
( Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die. _____________________________ _____________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
_____________________________ ___________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked. _____________________________ _____________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
( Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
_____________________________ _____________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
_____________________________ ____________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Jason King
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Mr Bean - glad you got a big laugh out of it.
Have a great day people and thanks for the comments.
Comment by Spring-Heeled Jack
Over.Exposure
I wouldn't get too smug about this topic. Considering the average Australian's knowledge of other cultures, I'm betting we dish out far more of these gaffs than we receive.
Comment by Janet Collins
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The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
We are really very little known, even though our politicans and practically everyone else things we are big time in the world.
A really nice thing about us I heard the other day was when a visiting South African said Australians are so friendly. He walked into a shoe shop and walked out with a pair of shoes because the sales person, a female was just so chatty and friendly.
Not a bad reputation to have, I don't think.
Comment by Jason King
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Comment by Jason King
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And that is a great reputation to have. Another one is we can drink just like the Irish
Comment by K @ the Lair
Tears rolling down his face. So many are just perfect from a humourous point. This is what we all need - a bucket load of laughter adds extra years to our lives. A feel good blog. K
Comment by Jason King
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Salty Popcorn
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