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Someone once told me, "Trying to forget someone you love or loved, is like trying to remember someone you have never met". Man, if never before, that quote came into mind the other day, when I heard from a woman I seriously, was crazy about, a couple decades in the rear view mirror. This was a trip, some back to the future type shit, because as proud and happy as I am right now in my life, to just hear a voice from someone that could have been "The One" back in the day in this present time, can really rattle a persons cage, and have them doing The Hot Dog Dance like Goofy on the Mickey Mouse Show. Talk about having a blast from the past, this was a nuclear holocaust because this particular woman I am talking about, I was ridiculously silly about when I was younger, and was doing shit that I can not even defend right now. Now how she got my number is story in its self, but after she said she seen me the day before, she contacted me and wanted to catch up on old times to see I am assuming, if there we new ones in the horizon. Now you can call it a school boy crush or deep infatuation in what I was going through back then, but I really had something secretly special for this woman, and I cant tell you why or what caused it. How bad you may wonder, well I almost did not go back to college for the hope of getting with this woman when I came home one summer to see my family, and she did not even know I felt like this for her, back then, until now while we were talking. I mean yeah, she knew I liked her or was attracted to her, but she was with someone else, and if you had 20/20 vision and looking into a dark closet with your eyes closed wearing a blindfold, you could see and knew where this guy was headed in his future by his efforts, actions and more along those same lines. And one thing about me that you may not know, is that I am very respectful to others when they are in a relationship, and will and do not cross that line, no matter how many invites I may get or think I deserve. But to me, this guy was not into her like she was into him. Its not a knock or anything against him or her, but some things are what they are, and there is no mistaking the truth, it can not be negotiated or changed, when you can clearly see, what is in front of you. But anyway, after talking with her on the phone the other day, hearing her story on her life and choices up until this present moment, I found myself trying to find a common denominator or rhythm in this verbal dance. But as soon as I thought I was on beat with her on one topic, things would switch up and I would step on her feet or she would introduce a dip when I thought we should be spinning, because we were obviously, dancing to different drummers. Things were a struggle in our communication even though on the surface it was smooth and light hearted, but what I was looking for in the conversation and what she wanted to listen to, was totally out of sync. Its like either I am tone deaf, or was doing The Humpty Dance to The Waltz when she was doing The Pee Wee Herman Dance to Mozart. Now hear me on this, its not that my dance or opinion is or was good or bad or hers the same, but what was obvious is that the person I was looking at, did not see me for who I am now and was then which is why in my opinion, our lives went two different directions for many different reasons. Honestly, when I spoke with her and I swear to God, I would have given her half of everything I am worth now, if she showed me half of an effort, and to tell you the truth, I do not know why once again. Maybe it is because of the feeling I can recall feeling when I seen her in my mind, but then again, I am smart enough now to know, how young and dumb I was back then. But in her years apart from me, she told me that she had been finding herself she said, and in the process in my opinion, was not looking at the person that needs to be seen, her. I think we all are guilty of that in one way or another, and are our worse enemies in a fight with ourselves. Now this is my opinion, because after hearing her out, for a few minutes I realized that I was reflecting on who I used to be when I was talking, and how I seen her now, in this present time, while listening to her history that threw me for one or two loops in this direct dialogue. But she has changed, I have changed, though, our affiliation seemed to be, the same, which is what spawned this new theory I am calling, Long Train Runnin.
Now question, have you ever asked for something and actually got it? Now before you answer that too quickly, I am not just talking about anything small or something really extravagant, but something a bit special and or something you felt would improve your life? Think about it, have you really asked for something and actually got what you were asking for? Now, before answering that, which might be a little bit too late, answer this; how long did it take for you to believe what you asked for, was what it was when it came to you or you to it? What did you expect it to be, and was it what you thought, or what you now think it is and represents now, thinking back to when you first wanted or needed it? Think about it on each end of the spectrum, what did you put it through to prove its self? How many times did you doubt it when it presented its self, and how many times, did it not see you for who you had turned into when it seen you. How much damage may you have done to it, before it had a fair chance to even show you who or what it is or could be, what you asked for and always wanted or needed? How many validating test were required, issued and thought about even after it passed the initial test, did you want to send this thing through? Did you know that the majority of us, will believe things that are dramatically negative without knowing anything about it, than to accept the things we know the facts on that are positive? Now do not get defensive and start nervously laughing, just stay with me here, and lets at least be honest with ourselves in a humble and unconditional way, and firmly look into the mirror on this one, and nod your head if you feel me, or shake it to yourself if it needs to be touched up a bit, to a different drummer. Yeah, I had another one of those days, where it seems that every single person I needed, needed me, or those that I did not, did not want me either. In many ways if I were a psychologist or someone that wants to title or label this syndrome I am feeling and in, I would call this "GII" or my, "Gilligans Island Illness". Yeah, I would call it that because it is moments like this, where it must really feel good to have that someone included in your life, that you asked and prayed for. I mean yeah, along the way you will meet and greet some odd balls, loonies and totally out of touch people, but when you actually find what you were seeking, how do you define or explain it to a person that was like you before you found yourself? And I am not talking about just anyone or thing, but, the one, that loves you, loving you in ways you can not or do not even know you need and needed to feel when you realized how numb you were before it. I am not saying you nor I do or do not have it right now in our lives. What I am saying is that this is one of those moments where a person feels all alone on island, and there is no visible means of help coming your way, which is, euphoric when the very thing you need, needs you. Its kinda scary and fun all rolled up into one, and this is when and where the rubber meets the proverbial road, in determining a person growth or descend, or where roads are either paved or torn the fuck up. Its not to the degree of making or breaking a person, but it can either delay you or place you on a freeway where you bypass the traffic like you were the only car smart and lucky enough to car pool at the right time and moment. But you do not know if you were smart or just lucky. You see to me, some things are meant to be seen, and some are not, for the view of something greater than we can handle at the time. We may know in our soul or heart, but some things, are not ready when we think we are ready to accept them. Another thing I have seriously learned very early in my life, is that there is a significant difference in looking ahead and going forward. There is a difference on what people see, feel and more, that makes the Ying and Yang proverb, that much more. For every hater, there is a lover. For every friend, there is a foe and that balance can not be balanced if each part does not play its part in the world. You see things will happen, and you can not stop that. But as they happen, if you prepare yourself in ways you normally would not by doing things you normally do, you will be fully open to change and adaptation, that can result in, positive results, in any situation. But here is the key or trick that I have not figured out; how do you do that or more simply, how do you know when you do not know what you do not know? So to explain that, go back up to the beginning of this theory and hey, never mind, I will write it in right now for ya, to explain what I am saying or trying to define; "Trying to forget someone you love or loved, is like trying to remember someone you have never met". Got it? Lets continue.
So now, a woman from the Midwest here in the states, sent this to me, and I think its cool and really would like to share it and get your opinion if you do not mind. Here it is and thanks, oops, almost said the persons name. But they know who they are, so thanks. Here it is (smile)
_____________________________ _____________________________ _______________
IF A MAN WANTS YOU
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships..........there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices and another woman PREPARE. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
BY THE WAY,
A man wrote this, so take a hint and give back the same
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Now you oe one may wonder my thoughts on this, and I say that, it is what it is. To me, its a combination of many thoughts at many different times by the same person trying to reach out to many people. There is anger, unity, experience, ignorance, passion, independence, doubt, reassurance and love. That definition on what to do or how to handle yourself with or without a man, is someones opinion that we all can relate to, one way or another. Some things he said might strike a chord, while others, not that interesting if you ca not relate to it. Hell, just because it was written by a man, who is this man I wanna ask? Where are his credentials, because we all know, a lot males and boys these days, are pretending to be men. So yeah, the poem was cool, catchy and more, but where was he at when he wrote this, mentally and spiritually, along with financially and emotionally. Hell, he may be gay, just got burnt by a woman, lost his job or just speaking from his heart, who knows and more importantly, who cares? But if you wanna live by that, do not you think a person would wanna know? Well I do and do not care really to know, because I respect his view and him putting it out there, but I am sure he does not need my approval to say what he thinks and feel. A little bit of something to me, is better than a lot of nothing when something is needed and a persons is trying to do anything. Many are right and many, wrong in the things they do, but does that diminish their passion and intentions, even though we may not agree with it or even know it? I think it all depends on you, the person and why you see things the way you do. What really makes you happy and what makes you back the fuck up on things, is what is important I think. What to say and what not to say. When to talk and when to communicate. When to lead and when to follow, and when to ride or be ridden. We all are different, though, we all are the same in these thoughts. And lets take this one step further and take out the meaning of a man in that passage, and substitute it with a boy, male or lets get really creative, and swap it out from a mans perspective in looking for a woman via a womans point of view to a man. Hell, we can take an individual out of this all together, and this can apply to a job, career, car or what to have for lunch. You see as much as the woman I was talking to that I have not seen in years may seem one way, maybe I am not seeing what I am meant to see which is why, I am seeing her again. Maybe I was there to show her in some weird way, the choices she is passing up on while she is still finding herself, and maybe, I am doing the same in ways that are foreign to me that I am paying too much attention to, and things that I need to ignore. But who is right or wrong is a question I do not think anyone can honestly answer, because each of us, is a reflection on what we repel and absorb. You see before seeing her, I had an idea on how I would like to treat my wife when I am blessed to have one, and maybe in seeing her, what sparked inside of me, reminded me on what I am not doing to get what I always knew or think I need in my life. Thats why I think it was awesome to see her, because nothing really happened, but a lot did also. You see, everyone has a view on things. From those that love and hate, everyone has their own view, so though it may be right to a million people, if this one person does not think so, I feel they should always, believe in themselves because the world has not walked a mile in his or her shoes. Its like the people that come at me straight up, sideways and backwards. I can not predict what a person does, does not do or says, so why try. You honestly do not even know what a person is thinking, though, you can believe or doubt what you hear them say. So in all reality when dealing with pretty much any and everything that comes my way, I try to prepare myself for whatever, and hopefully, be able to represent myself, the best way I know how when its time to do whatever I need or think I should and should not do.
Many love me for this, many hate me for that, and I can not change a persons mind, and will not try, my efforts says it all, not just my words. But in saying all of that, I also can not let either side on what someone says, make me not be me, if I am being myself to them. If nothing else, I need to be accountable to me, not who I think I am or wish to be or told that I am, but who I am and where that person is trying to go in his life. Just like you being you, I think it comes along with me being me, and I think its a badge of honor to be truthful, when people say things about you for whatever reason, good and or bad. Call me stuck up, arrogant or whatever, but yeah, hell yeah I am prejudice, because I do not just go out with anyone, and you can not, change my mind if I do not think it is worth it. I am not trying to prove anything or make some kinda of firm or outrageous statement, I am just defining, "It Is What It Is" when it comes down to me, and your approval is not needed or asked for. This is my only life, and I have spent too much time, doing dumb shit that I should have learned from when I did it the first time. This is my only life, and if no one cares on how I live and spend it here on earth, I care. But one may wonder, "am I looking for friends and enemies", no, far from it. Do I need things I want, no, not that either. I know that I am human and I will, make mistakes. Many times I take them out on those I love, and other times, on myself. But the key is to learn from them in my opinion, and share that knowledge to whoever may be going down a road they have no clue as to what is in store for them because they have blinders on. But I will not stop them for going wherever they feel they need to go, thats not my place. I will simply alert them, share my experience, for what I have learned, is perception is far from reality. So what do I need or seek you may ask, well what I seek is respect, and the same level of respect I give, I fully accept it back the same way however you give it. It might not be all of that to me, but if you are giving what you are getting they way you display it, nothing needs to be said because everything is simply, right there in front of you. Thats why I say the truth can not be negotiated. We all have opinions, views and more, but the truth and how we feel about it, will be and always is what it is, however you see it. So, yeah, I do not take it personally if someone says I am this or that, what it tells me is that I made the right choice when I do whatever I am going to do in dealing with them because remember, "Trying to forget someone you love or loved, is like trying to remember someone you have never met". So while ending this, and to explain why I would name my state of mind today, Gilligans Island Illness, is because as strange as it may seem, when the crew and passengers that were on The Good Ship Minnow were trying to get off of the island, the paid too much attention on being rescued instead of figuring things out for themselves. To me, and I seen every dam episode, they seem to do everything, and I mean do, build and create everything except, a legitimate way, to get off of the island and was waiting for someone to come save them. They went into survivor mode instead of living mode, and that mindset alone, will not open doors, just have you looking for them. They had what they needed in front of them, and did not know it when it was all said and done until someone showed them. They selected a path while on the island, and though it took a while and had many of us wondering who is hotter, Mary Ann or Ginger, personally, Ms. Howell had it going on to me, but thats another theory. But they had everything they needed to live, they just dealt with the many more things, they thought they wanted to have to survive. Another encounter I would like to touch on briefly, is the perception and reality phase. Where I have this truck that I have had since forever, and it has 500k miles on it. This truck seen me through storms, hauling, cross-state meetings, in the rain, heat and more, and has been with me for decades. And once when I was dating someone, they asked me to take them to the airport, which of course I said, My Pleasure. But after her request, she asks, "If I could pick her up and drop her off in my nice European drop top two-door coupe, and not my old weather beaten truck?" Well yeah, I could, I said to myself, but after I was to drop her off, I was heading somewhere else where, I was going to be hauling something I do not want to spill in my nice car. So after showing up in Sally, thats the trucks name, I could see the controlled anger in her face, as it then occurred to me, it is more important to and for her to be seen in a nice car, than to be driven in one that was with me when I did not have a nice car, and made it possible to now own many nice cars and many more things. Sally is the truck I slept in when I was climbing up the ladder. Sally took me places when I could not get her tuned-up properly, or let me put cheap oil in her because I was saving money to support my then, small companies. Sally is the vehicle that made things possible, so if anything to me, this is the nice car, my truck, not the pieces of shit I got to showoff when I could afford them. In many ways, I was appalled, but then realized her perception of herself and how people seen her, is not my reality on what I wish to see when looking at her or a woman I am serious about that I can present to the world as my better half. She in my opinion, may have wanted half, but my face looks nothing like The Dead Presidents she was still voting for. Hell, I actually insulted Sally by letting her sit in the passenger seat, because she does not deserve the loyalty, Sally has given to me. But is or was she wrong for saying and asking what she did, no, not at all, because that is her reality, not mine, and who am I to judge anyone. Just like the high school sweetheart I ran back into, one on the surface might think her life is in the dumpster, or she missed out on the life and lifestyle I have now where materialistic things are just that, things. But thats not the case. My life is far from perfect, and I have long way to go before I catch the train I am needing to be on. But her on the other hand, she still looks beautiful, has another son besides the one she had in high school, has a upbeat attitude and I am sure, will land back on her feet in the employment field, sooner than later. But her life is fine, she is fine, just as is my life. Its a matter of perception and who is doing the looking I think. So without love I ask you, where would you be now? Thats where the title of this theory came from, the foundation of the song you hear playing if you are listening to it. Long Train Runnin. And, Without Love, Where Would You Be Now? Thats why me and Ms. High School Thang Thang, never hooked up. We may have had or have for that matter, an interest, attraction and more, and that can take you a little ways before stopping. But what we obviously were missing, was a similar foundation that is mutually defined with love that can take you through those rough times when they happen. Even after we met again after the years, we still have never held hands, kissed, passionately looked into each others eyes at the same time or anything like that. Even after the years, many things have changed, but still many if not more, the same. Our perception on what love was at the time, was not mutual, just like it is not now. Once again, for each others lives on a selfish note, there is an obvious attraction, but there is no love in a unselfish way on either side, well at least, the way I define it unconditionally and more importantly, magically mutually. So thanks for reading, and for making me the number # writer on tha web. If nothing else, you know I come with tha real, and I guess, thats a good thing. But its all on how you look at it, or shall I say, perceive it, I think (smile). Thanks again and oh yeah, the artwork for this theory was generously donated and created for me. So thanks Ms. Jo from London, I relish the gesture. And to me, the painting signifies the many roads/ branches, that we all travel, even though, we all start from the same place. A Long Train Runnin. Enjoy The Moment -
May All Be With You As You Are Within It. Enjoy The Moment -
Anthony Douglas Gere
The Number #1 Theory Writer on the Worldwide Web. Exclusively seen on www.theoriesofthought.com
The great lyrical genius Chuck D of Public Enemy once said, "If you cant change the people around you, change the people around you". Now, that quote, as poetic as it is, is so multi-dimensional, that you can take it left, right, down the middle, up or down and still never come back to where you left, without being right or straight up the middle on where it took you. Of course there is much more than that said that was before and in the aftermath in that statement that resonated within me when I first heard many years ago, but that is the centerpiece on what I feel I need to vent to you today, so welcome back again, for tha first time. I guess what really hit home with me when I heard that the other day in my head, is that as I have been growing and maturing in ways I never thought I would, and I am noticing things changing with and within me and leaving me at the same time. You know like the ole saying says, "Three or four things can and will change a man, 1) jail, 2) church, 3) death or 4) a child". Well I think I am free on bail for a while and have been for many years (smile), I have always considered myself a good Christian and man of faith, I am not dead I do not think, but yeah, I do have Tha Heir, bugging the hell outta me on a regular basis, so maybe thats what is happening (smile again). But I am changing, and for some strange reason, it either seems like I am changing, or the people I am around, staying the same in a different way. I do not think the change on my part or others is good or bad, but as the world keeps spinning, I think gravity is pushing to pull me, somewhere magical. I even ask and answer questions differently, and I am not sure if I got any smarter or wiser, or just noticing things more and spending less time worrying about tha shit that will never be worth pissing on from this point forward. But anyway, this Phenomenal Woman recently asked me, "Do men really like or are they seriously attracted to women that are barely dressed and showcase their body more than their mind". Well I think thats a fair question, and seeing how I am a man that was once only a male, felt and deeply feel qualified in answering it, since she freely asked. Now to me, there are many parts to that question, and for the most part, I think it is where a man is at in his life, what he finds stimulating, how he feels about himself and how he feels about women and females in his own perception on what he sees. Now for me, hell yeah, I love looking at a woman with a cute face or bangin body, barely showing clothing and shaking and using what her mama gave her to get attention, I do not have a problem with it. Now in saying that, when I was younger and did not know any better, and was only thinking with one head, or at least half of that one, she was tha bomb as far as I was concerned, and I honestly did not give a woman with a good conversation a chance to say anything to me because simply, that was not what I was looking for. But then after running through those "types" of women like water through a water hose, I found that in the majority of cases, everything stopped after I could not get pass how I got them or what made me go after them in the first place. I guess you can say that the bait I used to use to get and catch those fish, was and is not the bait I use now, to keep them. Now I am not saying they were dumb, stupid or anything like that, and to be fair, many felt that was a way to get a man not knowing they are simply males, and more than likely, learned it from the examples they had growing up in their lives. And its true, the "hot chick" in tha spot will always get you to look and the attention I think, and for them, at least in my experience, may get a few winks and drinks, jewels, things and interest. But to me and knowing what I know now, its pretty hard to keep a man of substance when the way you got him, is based on style and flash. What I laugh at is when I am out with a woman, and how you can see the jealousy in how she reacts to women doing a little bit, too much. To me, it silently speaks volumes when I see someone hating on someone else, and basically tells me things without a word being said. In my humble opinion, I truly feel that men eventually, will date someone like the most influential woman in their life, and that could be their sister, mother, guardian or someone they grew attached to and respected. Thats just one avenue I think is fair to say, pretty much accurate, as I also feel there are many more branches to that tree, I may not know. But overall, hell yeah, there is not a man I know or do not know, that does not mind "looking" at women scantly dressed, but will also tell you, there is a low percentage that would take them home to mama, or introduce them to their core group the way he seen her at first in that outfit that barely covered her nipples or ass. Now some things can not be hidden and rightfully so, but some things should not be hidden, as they also should not be displayed. But for me, I actually prefer seeing women when I am out and about dress like that, for if nothing else, its entertainment, and alerts me on who not to go after, when or if I was looking for a woman to share my time with. Its not really an image thing for me, but like Paris of EPMD said, "If you hang with nine broke friends, you are bound to be the tenth one". So if nothing else, at least for my reputation and what I wish to represent, I may slip a woman dressed or displaying her intentions like that my number on tha unda, not my business card, but on a napkin the run down. I will more than likely have her meet me outside and take her to my condo or to Tha Mo-Mo and hit and freak it on tha under if I am feelin like I need that in my life and its worth it. But trust me, she will never be riding shotgun with my top down in tha Benz or over to the house for a bar-b-que or dinner event with my family and friends when the foundation, is based on something cosmetic and presented on a surface level. I mean I disagree with Dr. Dre, I think you can turn a hoe into a house wife, but only if that house is made of glass and you can look at yourself at the same time you are looking at what you brought home. And granted, that is now, at this time in my life, but can honestly tell you, it was not always like that or this. Hell, if there ever was a hoochie high school, I used to be the principal, so I ca not put it down, for once, it was what I was up for. You see like my grandmother once told me, "There is a time and place for everything", and if she shows the "goods" to the good and bad people that do and do not know her, then what is left for me when I do get to know her to absorb and savior when I want to sample the "goods" and wanna feel better than good in a bad way? Better yet, I could be guilty by association, so when and if you do anything, do it in knowing, it may do you in ways you never knew because you never know, what you do not know until you know it. And that can sometimes be, too late. So in knowing all of that now, I then told the woman that asked me the initial question, "Think about where you may see a woman dressed like this or that. Think of the environment, the surroundings and more", which is where and when the line / statement Chuck D said, came in my mind. And his statement is not about trying to control or change people into what you think they should be, but it is about being aware and taking in consideration, the situation and views you may not see. So yeah, "If you cant change the people around you, change the people around you", and if that does not work, work on something else, or at least, have it work for you, cause someone will buy it.
So now this leads us into another arena, where one needs to ask, "Is perception, really, reality or a blind nightmare?" I mean really, how much of what we see, is really what it is or what we want to make it? Thats something I thought about the other night, when I seen The T.O. Show, and thought, why is this man doing this? I mean yeah, he is gifted athletically, has a body like a Greek God, good looking, paid, well paid by his efforts, can do what he sure and well pleases and more. But when I seen him renting out Hollywood homes, renting Bentleys, partying at high-end plush spots in South Beach and Los Angeles and more, I knew and know for a fact, he has the bread to butter it up like this, but why I ask myself? Was this to beef up his already popular reputation, is he insecure or what, because if it is and to me in my opinion and living that lifestyle to the fullest, its strictly overkill at this point, and super sizing a Happy Meal for no apparent reason. I mean maybe he invested his millions from The Dallas Cowboys bad, and needs to make some extra bread for a raining day or because he could? I was simply perplexed when I seen this the other day, as I start thinking, hell, why not if people are going to watch it? But how much of that is real and how much of that is show I wonder? I mean take Brett Michaels and my man Ray J for example. There is no way they have that much bread saved up to live the way they are doing on television, and in all reality, how many of those women, really were into them, the person, or the character they portray in their floundering profession? Are they really like this in real life, and if so, does it take Rock Of Love #14 to find that person that is there for you on season number 3? How many chicks do you have to do to find out what is what I start asking myself, as I looked into the mirror and realized, I have had my own reality show doing the exact same thing, but it just was not televised for many to see. But is this real or simply, entertainment I wonder. I mean everyone can have their opinion, but all in all, no one really knows but the people themselves, and they themselves, were no where around before the show, so that leans me towards the show affect over reality and how I define it. But how much of this is show and how much are they showing me is my question. What will get my attention to wonder, and what will keep me from not looking, is another point of view I am now seeing. Hell, I know Flavor Flav physically is not the most handsome man in a world of ugly ones. The man has child support issues, been out of the spotlight and more. But that does not discount him as a bonafide man, and a man looking for love, or does it, when he goes on television claiming that is why he is on there? I mean what ever happened to meeting women in church, walking down the street, at the supermarket or in a meat market over a few cocktails? I mean I ask you and myself, is television and the internet the new meeting place to interact? If you go back to what I was just talking about, maybe what he and every other person that has a reality show is and was doing, was doing what the women wearing barely nothing in tha nightspots were doing, and did not know how to do it any other way to get attention or a few gifts and fame. Maybe this was an avenue he felt might work, and if so, who can blame him? Maybe deep down after the little bit of clothing is lifted behind doors, a person can find more than what they seen. Maybe you can find that needle in the haystack, and instantly transform into Optimus Prime on a television screen, if you get that blowjob in the backseat of a limo. I mean are all women that dress like freaks, freaks, or can a conservatively well dressed woman, be just as freaky or a undercova lova unda tha covers, once you take off that business suit I wonder. Its that wolf in sheeps clothing myth that may be fact, that I am talking about right now. And how you never really know until you find out, and one can only hope that when and if they do, they selected the right door if, The Price Is Right to claim that Unclaimed Baggage.
So now let me ask you women reading this, and answer this in three stages. Answer it on where you were a few years ago, where you are at now and where you see yourself in five years. Okay, now when you see a male, guy, boy or man dressed a certain way, how do you describe the word, sexy, handsome, cute, fine or outrageously tacky? I mean when you see a man with his shirt off, showing off his six pack or keg, does it turn you on or off, and if so or not, to what degree and in which oven does it heat you up? Do you admire his physical craftsmanship, or do you simply window shop and place him in a box with the others you have stored and thought about from time to time when you need that stimulation you cant talk about? Or when you see a man in a well-tapered suit, do you assume he is all about business, or trying a bit, too hard to make a point? Now me, I have an athletic build, and wont claim to workout as much as I should, but because my metabolism is so high and I am always on the go, I tend to burn off the fat and calories naturally. But I can not recall myself, every boasting my chest or abs for the hell of it. I think the last time I took a photo with my clothes off, was for the cover of my biography that is due to come out soon, but thats because the title is called, "Half Naked, Not Nearly Dressed" and we needed both halves of my body to mesh into one with my clothes on and off. But I also like to dress well, well at least I think so, and layer myself in outfits that are custom made to subtly make a fashion statement I wish to display. Like my man Jigga once said, "I do not wear the bright watch, I were the right watch", and for me, that could never be more true. For if you do not really k now me and upon first viewing me, I would wager that many think I am either a playboy, prominent businessman or someone they think they should know that is trying to be what he is not. And if you did get to know me, what you would know is that I am pretty much all of those, but in all actuality, none of them. Am I a freak, well that all depends on how you define freaky, as to ask the same question on the other end, in wondering, how conservative am I. I think when you sum us all up as people, we all are a bit of everything, and only when we feel comfortable or in a setting or surrounding where we feel we can be ourselves or who we wish to be, does that allow that person, to surface. So for me, I prefer that woman that is the soccer mom slut type. The seductive looking stay at home mom, that on tha unda, can suck a golf ball through a straw if asked, and will cook dinner, serve me dessert wearing a simple dress with no panties if you know what I mean, and give me that wink that lets me know that later on, its on like Donkey Kong, so drink plenty of water or Gatorade, cause in a few, I am going to need to put in some work. But some things are safe when you feel safe or adventurous, as others may be dangerous when in its self, can sometimes be stimulating or a test, to see who will see past the wall of physicality we place up when wish for the conqueror to conquer and or climb it. I know many exotic dancers that are so conservative, that you would wonder, are they part time nuns or simply jaded from being around a sexual environment so much, that they are tired of it and seek purity in a world of sin. And on the other end, intimately know well-educated women that will fuck the hell out of you in an elevator, without thinking twice. So who is to say who others are, because we all are the same, in a different way, in my opinion. So the question is, what is real and what is fake? Is reality television, really what it is, or what we wish to make it out to be. I mean think of the women and men that we pass up because we think one thing, but they may be, another, if we were to become something we are not. Think of yourself, the roads you have traveled, the ones you wonder about and the ones you leave behind and does not invite you for whatever reason. Think of the things we forget, as we remember why certain things make us, who we are and who we are not. I have even thought about the many times I have been so close that I could smell it, as I can also remember the times I wish I could forget, in trying to be the person I know I needed to be to be who I wanted to become. So yeah, in many ways and many more times, I have been on the right train but on the wrong track many times, as I have been on the wrong track and on the right train just as much. But as I was traveling through life, maturing and trying to find what I actually needed in life, what I actually left behind, is what I brought with me, because yeah, life is a trip and you cant run from yourself. Life is a trip I always say, so it is wise in my opinion, to pack light, because you will accumulate baggage at each stop. Some of it good, some bad, but regardless on what you leave and what you take, there will always be, things. And that is what I call, Unclaimed Baggage -
May All Be With You As You Are Within It. Enjoy The Moment -
Anthony Douglas Gere
The Number #1 Theory Writer on the Worldwide Web. Exclusively seen on www.theoriesofthought.com
One question that is important to remember while reading this theory, is to be answered by each individual on a one on one basis, not as a group. I remember one of my mentors saying to me when presenting a product to a client, "There is a difference on who you are selling this to, and who will buy it. A person is smart, and people as a group, are dumb. Deal with the person, not the people". I think that is great sound advice, but not, where this theory needs to be or go to, right now. So let me go where I need to be, so I can guide you, where this theory is suppose to take us. The question, what is in a color, and how important is that color, when you see it? Now on many levels, a color does many things, it can excite, relax, stimulate, and makes one create and makes one forget about, the other shades in the rainbow when there is no rainbow in sight. I say that from a professional perspective, just as I can, on a personal one, so come with me, and enjoy the patterns you may see on this journey. While in college and studying a high level of marketing strategies, I discovered that colors, signify much more than just a color. I mean this is elementary in many ways, but have you realized that when in a doctors office, the waiting room is an earth tone or something soft? That is to relax you, make you feel comfortable before going into a place you may be nervous about. In all hospitals, the walls are white to create a pure and sterile environment, and dictates to those that work there and visit, this is a clean and detailed kept place, so act, accordingly. In many nightclubs where everything revolves around mystery and sexuality, many things are dark, to hide the flaws, dirt and stains left by the previous person, and to create, an intimate and or erotic environment that you obviously came to be a part of. Even in and on a business level, colors like the color Blue, signifies strength and reliability, where as the color yellow, instills a rush type of behavior in wanting your results, fast. Even when building a company from scratch, a major part and pretty much in the beginning stages on building and creating a companies image, revolves around color, or the color it wants as its representative, or logo. But did you know the color of a car or truck, has a higher and lower rate of stoppage by the police and the insurance carriers? I mean if you drive a bright red Maserati like the one I just bought CJ, the chances on you being pulled over or getting that second look by rubber neckers or whomever, are higher than a person driving a Grey or silver car four door sedan. Its the color that catches our eye, and that color, paints a picture that can either bring out the beauty or beast, inside all of us. So in saying that, let me paint a portrait you hopefully can see about colors, on why certain colors, have made me do things I knew I could not control, in a stereotypical way.
I personally think that in a persons life, they come in contact with three people on a personal and intimate level, that will never leave them. Three significant people, that basically everyone after them, will be measured up or referred to as the standard or measuring stick. These three people are; Those we teach, those that teach us and the one(s) we learn with. I say that because if you want to submit to cupid or not, are immediately in and or was in a relationship you wanted to be in or not, there are at least in my opinion, three people, that leave their mark, if you are with them or not. I remember watching one of my all-time favorite movies, "The Notebook", and Rachel Mc Adams mother in the movie, drove her to this man that she was deeply in love with before her now marriage, that was working slave labor for pennies, in this what seemed to be, construction site or brick yard. This man had her heart, but not her mind of reality on what was most important to her the person, in living the life she wanted to live as a woman, mother and example for the world to see. You see after her sense of reality set it after coming from nothing and seeing even less in her future on how to not just survive, but to live with a man she loved deeply but could not provide the life she needed, she got married to a fine man that provided a great life for her, but did not fulfill her heart like my man swinging that hammer, that Rachel Mc Adams eventually, married and had also, fallen in love with in her soul-mate, the younger hammer swinger waiting on her to see his true colors. There was something about this man that did not see mother and daughter noticing him from a far that was close to the mothers heart, and whatever that is or was, I bet it was stimulated by a color, or the image or shade of that color, that filled her heart he was. I know back in the day when I was ridiculously in love with this girl I knew was not good for me, how hard it was to be with and without her. I mean I could not shake her, no matter how many women I tried to convince myself was better than her. No matter who I surrounded myself with, where I flew to or more, I could not run from my mind and memory of her, and it kept bringing me back to where I knew I did not wanna be, with her or someone like her. I mean its not like I would ever think about going back to "her" now under any circumstances, because I now know, what love is to me. But I swear, it seemed like I had actually went to this street fair and signed up for the "Cupid Come Fuck Me Up With Lust that seems like Love Ride", and he shot me with a arrow that was laced with some dumb-dumb juice from this girls blood when it was that time of the month. I was head over heels in love with this female, not woman, and she took me beyond the cleaners in draining my money, time and energy, she put a brotha on spin cycle for a minute or two and its a miracle I came out, half-way decent and not a woman hater for life, I think and hope. Just this image I had of this woman I did not have in front of me that she was convincing me she was, had my loyalties all fucked up, and I was turning her lies into my truths while surviving in this rainbows of isolated feelings that was based on this color I seen when I looked at her. But one thing I figured out when I had grown past the emotional and lustful part of the relationship or desperately just wanting to be apart of one, was that whenever she knew she had fucked up royally and knew I was at my limit and was going to break up with her, she would show up where ever I was at, wearing something sexy and fitting, and that signature, ruby red, orange based red lipstick, that drives me freakin nuts. So for the ladies reading this, yeah, us men are so dam stupid, I will admit it, and even when we know this train is coming down the wrong track, we still jump out there, buy a ticket, get ran over, look at it, know the next one that looks like this one is the same one, and will do it again without anyone asking us to. So do not take it personal or hold it against us when we fall for the old oakie doke, just help us out, but only when we are true to the lies we tell ourselves. But back to one of my three, I mean she could have begged to be butt fucked by my father and sucked, gargled and swallowed my best friend in front of me after persuading me to drug his drink in my house, wrecked my car, kicked my dogs, drank or poured out my last bit of Blue Label, put my checking account in the negative and more. One of those moments where seriously, you could be considered insane beyond the legal limit, and you would agree with yourself or whomever is listening that it was the worlds fault, not yours. She had me out there like that, and naw, I was not trying to come back, even when I said so in a pool of tears. I was gone, and man, she if nothing else, taught me something, no one else could have taught me. And I thank her for that. See where I was fucked up at then, was that I was dealing with an image instead of reality. I was putting too much on it, and not acknowledging or giving it the respect on what it really was, not what I wanted it to be. I was making it, or thought I was, making into what I wanted it to be, not what it was and needed to be. But back then when I was not thinking, or thinking with just one head, I would see her in this certain shade of lipstick with her nails and toes done the same way, and man oh man, when I seen her like that, I was about as good as a soup sandwich served on a wet napkin to a shaking drug fiend that was not hungry. Thats the truth, and regardless on how crazy that seems to me or you now, it is the truth. I just have this thing about the color red, and can honestly tell you, a major reason I joined the Fraternity I did, was based on the color. So what I learned from all of that, was that even though I am extremely vulnerable to the color or image I wanna see, I can not allow that color, to control the things in my life that are uncontrollable to me when I am not being myself. I had to examine me, and take my emotions and reality, and bring them to a place that satisfied both Angels and Demons, when noticing certain shades and images in my own head. And this goes for colors that I do not like as well, as if I see something in a silver or pewter color, I am instantly turned off. Hell, even my earrings and signature pinky ring that I religiously wear, it took me a little while to get used to them, because even when you shine up platinum, it basically still looks like shiny silver or white gold, and that is not, my favorite color. I like, no, I love red.
I personally think that in a persons life, they come in contact with three people on a personal and intimate level, that will never leave them. Three significant people, that basically everyone after them, will be measured up or referred to as the standard or measuring stick. These three people are; Those we teach, those that teach us and the one(s) we learn with. I say that because if you want to submit to cupid or not, are immediately in and or was in a relationship you wanted to be in or not, there are at least in my opinion, three people, that leave their mark, if you are with them or not. I remember watching one of my all-time favorite movies, "The Notebook", and Rachel Mc Adams mother in the movie, drove her to this man that she was deeply in love with before her now marriage, that was working slave labor for pennies, in this what seemed to be, construction site or brick yard. This man had her heart, but not her mind of reality on what was most important to her the person, in living the life she wanted to live as a woman, mother and example for the world to see. You see after her sense of reality set it after coming from nothing and seeing even less in her future on how to not just survive, but to live with a man she loved deeply but could not provide the life she needed, she got married to a fine man that provided a great life for her, but did not fulfill her heart like my man swinging that hammer, that Rachel Mc Adams eventually, married and had also, fallen in love with in her soul-mate, the younger hammer swinger waiting on her to see his true colors. There was something about this man that did not see mother and daughter noticing him from a far that was close to the mothers heart, and whatever that is or was, I bet it was stimulated by a color, or the image or shade of that color, that filled her heart he was. I know back in the day when I was ridiculously in love with this girl I knew was not good for me, how hard it was to be with and without her. I mean I could not shake her, no matter how many women I tried to convince myself was better than her. No matter who I surrounded myself with, where I flew to or more, I could not run from my mind and memory of her, and it kept bringing me back to where I knew I did not wanna be, with her or someone like her. I mean its not like I would ever think about going back to "her" now under any circumstances, because I now know, what love is to me. But I swear, it seemed like I had actually went to this street fair and signed up for the "Cupid Come Fuck Me Up With Lust that seems like Love Ride", and he shot me with a arrow that was laced with some dumb-dumb juice from this girls blood when it was that time of the month. I was head over heels in love with this female, not woman, and she took me beyond the cleaners in draining my money, time and energy, she put a brotha on spin cycle for a minute or two and its a miracle I came out, half-way decent and not a woman hater for life, I think and hope. Just this image I had of this woman I did not have in front of me that she was convincing me she was, had my loyalties all fucked up, and I was turning her lies into my truths while surviving in this rainbows of isolated feelings that was based on this color I seen when I looked at her. But one thing I figured out when I had grown past the emotional and lustful part of the relationship or desperately just wanting to be apart of one, was that whenever she knew she had fucked up royally and knew I was at my limit and was going to break up with her, she would show up where ever I was at, wearing something sexy and fitting, and that signature, ruby red, orange based red lipstick, that drives me freakin nuts. So for the ladies reading this, yeah, us men are so dam stupid, I will admit it, and even when we know this train is coming down the wrong track, we still jump out there, buy a ticket, get ran over, look at it, know the next one that looks like this one is the same one, and will do it again without anyone asking us to. So do not take it personal or hold it against us when we fall for the old oakie doke, just help us out, but only when we are true to the lies we tell ourselves. But back to one of my three, I mean she could have begged to be butt fucked by my father and sucked, gargled and swallowed my best friend in front of me after persuading me to drug his drink in my house, wrecked my car, kicked my dogs, drank or poured out my last bit of Blue Label, put my checking account in the negative and more. One of those moments where seriously, you could be considered insane beyond the legal limit, and you would agree with yourself or whomever is listening that it was the worlds fault, not yours. She had me out there like that, and naw, I was not trying to come back, even when I said so in a pool of tears. I was gone, and man, she if nothing else, taught me something, no one else could have taught me. And I thank her for that. See where I was fucked up at then, was that I was dealing with an image instead of reality. I was putting too much on it, and not acknowledging or giving it the respect on what it really was, not what I wanted it to be. I was making it, or thought I was, making into what I wanted it to be, not what it was and needed to be. But back then when I was not thinking, or thinking with just one head, I would see her in this certain shade of lipstick with her nails and toes done the same way, and man oh man, when I seen her like that, I was about as good as a soup sandwich served on a wet napkin to a shaking drug fiend that was not hungry. Thats the truth, and regardless on how crazy that seems to me or you now, it is the truth. I just have this thing about the color red, and can honestly tell you, a major reason I joined the Fraternity I did, was based on the color. So what I learned from all of that, was that even though I am extremely vulnerable to the color or image I wanna see, I can not allow that color, to control the things in my life that are uncontrollable to me when I am not being myself. I had to examine me, and take my emotions and reality, and bring them to a place that satisfied both Angels and Demons, when noticing certain shades and images in my own head. And this goes for colors that I do not like as well, as if I see something in a silver or pewter color, I am instantly turned off. Hell, even my earrings and signature pinky ring that I religiously wear, it took me a little while to get used to them, because even when you shine up platinum, it basically still looks like shiny silver or white gold, and that is not, my favorite color. I like, no, I love red.
So why does the color red do it for me, I do not know in all honesty. I mean I think we all are drawn to certain colors and things, that we can not defend or describe if anything needs to be fully explained. I mean think about it, why do many enjoy certain types of music and not others as much? Is it environmental, your surroundings, peer pressure or what? I mean why does a person enjoy certain things over others, and is that what makes all of us different, or differently the same? Why is it to me, more sexy when a woman is accented with this passionate color, and is that color, relative to who that person is or who I make them out to be? I recently told someone that emailed me and asked, "AD, describe your fantasy woman and your first encounter". Man, for me, thats easy. I mean for me, and where I am at in my stage in my life, whomever I give my time to and whomever give me theirs, I want to make our first encounter, memorable, even if it is not the first time. If you know what I mean or not, I am not sure, so let me explain what comes to mind when I think of moments like this. First, I would enjoy flying for hours, and that does not mean physically, it can be mental. Not just mentally going from point A to Z, but traveling and anticipating our meeting, wearing something nice, comfortable and seriously makes a statement without saying anything. I think about sitting in a seat, smiling, reflecting and more, and mentally totally cleaning the slate so I can build a new and improved foundation with this person at this brand new moment. Its like at this point in my life, its not really fair, because all of the things I have seen and experienced, are now all rolled up into one moment, and I am not sure they can absorb that if I present it the way I feel about it. But without a doubt, I want to experience many many years from previous events, into this one encounter, to define the importance it means to me when it happens and we reflect upon it later when it does not. I mean maybe I am expecting too much, but then again, maybe too much is what I need to not make me want anything else. I mean I know when and if I get married, the woman I am hopefully blessed with, will be a woman that has taken me places I have not and could not reach alone or with anyone else. I need for her, to allow me the freedom to become enslaved with each Angel and Demon, while doing the same to and with her. But back to our first encounter, and how her showing up, looking like she does, smiling, grinning like she is and totally making me walk faster at the same cool pace I am demonstrating, is what I am imagining. I am cool, suave but not macho stupid dumb cool, but straight classic in a cool and nerdy type of way cool. I aÃÂm not really feeling myself too much, but touching her with my vibe on a moment we know, we can recall when we need to revisit the place we are now at when we are not there or here, later on. She is standing there, smirk on her face, wearing whatever with the most innocent but devilish glance, but what is prominent, is that red lipstick. That lipstick, color or look that takes things from bad to good, good to great and great to whatever words you can think about when you are not thinking at all. I mean this sensual thought of a womans lips, braced gently against mine with force, and knowing and assuming, she is soaking wet from the dry friction we are creating, simply does it for me. To think of a woman secretly biting on the side of her bottom lip to create that feeling and image of a porno movie, takes me to a sense of reality, I do not think I can explain with my words. That submissive look of power, that only the right key fits, and only the correct man, has. My first encounter will not be a romantic moment, it will be the definition of romance, that romantic moments takes in bits and pieces. You see being romantic is an isolated event that its purpose or meaning, is to end with a result of the effort it was given and thought out. Being romanced, is everlasting. Being romanced, is a culmination of supply and demand, stimulation to utopia from experiencing the depths of sorrow, and capturing lightning in a bottle, you only can or will be able to break, in moments like these that will never end. I remember falling in a make shift love once, and wanting more and more like it was not good enough, but better than what I ever thought it could and would be if I found this un-discovered moment in a natural way. Where it simply was not fair for the person I had conjured up that was physically with me, because there was no way, they could ever be this fantasy woman in red in my head. But as strange and as far out there as that seems, that is what I want to find. That woman, and yes, on the first encounter, that woman that completely fucks me up and make me forget what I was suppose to remember when I had not experienced it yet. To me, that is the first encounter, and the reason, encounters after them are based on colors, when I see red.
So in closing, someone sent this to me while I was finishing up this theory, that I think is as real as it gets, so take a look;
"ADGere, Why is finding someone so difficult? It never used to be this way. It seems the older we get, The more games people play. Everyone is afraid of commitment. Of getting hurt like they were before. No one wants to be on the other side, when someone else closes the door. When we were young, love was just around the corner, but we didn't seem happy with what we had. And now that we have gotten so much older, It all just seems pathetic and sad. What has anyone done to deserve this? So much cheating and so many lies. So many broken hearts; So many weeping eyes. We wonder why people become bitter, And why would they be sick and tired? 'Cause you put all your faith and energy into love, And the life that you have acquired. For myself, I give all that I have; My heart, my soul, my whole being. And yet I still sit here all alone, hoping and waiting for the one I'll be seeing"
That came from a beautiful looking woman, asking the questions, we all ask and tell someone daily. That last question, like this theory, in my opinion, is based on the image we see, want to see and sees us in whatever shade we select to display. This was also a theory about one of my three, and to get you to wear something that stimulates someone else, in a place where you fit in, stand out or calm others around you. Maybe this theory taught you something, maybe it taught me something else or helped both of us reach a level where we can learn with that person in red, when we meet again, for the first time. So the next time your drink a Coke, A Budweiser, smoke a Marlboro, see that Corvette or Brake Lights or tachometer light up or the blood coming out of your skin, understand that it (they) want your attention, and they, are number one in their fields, at that moment. Is that a coincidence, maybe, but maybe the color red, is what is better than the product inside that is not as great as it seems. And yeah, this is a short theory and not as long as maybe you would like, but this is all I need to say, When I See Red. Thanks CC, De Lisa & Bre, and to everyone else, the same. And oh yeah, what is your favorite color. What is the color your wear and the one you need to see being worn on someone else, when you think about what I just wrote about. When you answer that, I think, you will know the next question, when you see red -
May All Be With You As You Are Within It. Enjoy The Moment -
Anthony Douglas Gere
The Number #1 Theory Writer on the Worldwide Web.
Exclusively seen on Really Long Link
photo courtesy of Shugaree Entertainment . Germany
Someone once told me that, "You know AD, when life or shit happens and drops you to your knees, you have four main choices to make at that moment when they face you; 1) Look up 2) Look down, 3) Suck a dick or 4) Pray". Now I am not saying that is true or accurate beyond their point, but if you really think about it, it is a great quote, something to think about and smile with, and one helluva opening line for my newest theory. This is how this theory is going to start, so hold on and lets see if I can let go to capture another classic moment in text. And come to think about it, "Isn't it ironic how, we ignore those who adores us. Adore those who ignore us. Hurt who loves us and love who hurts us until we realize, what we are doing without asking ourselves, why and is it or was it, worth it?" As many of you know, my life is a trip. I am young, successful, humble, creative, ignorant to many common things and looking for things I am not 100% sure, even exist. And while also saying that, I also say that I have a motto I live by that states, "Life is a trip, so pack lightly because you will accumulate baggage along the way at each stop". Thats something I have learned to teach myself everyday, as I also sometimes reflect on the things that seem to keep happening to me, as I attempt to break the cycle, start another one and witness my choice(s), each and every moment I am able to look back upon them. Now I am not sure I have ever mentioned this before in my writings / theories, but when I started out making a name for myself in Marin County many years back, one of the charities I volunteered for and eventually became on the board with was M.A.W.S. It stands for Marin Abused Women Society, and in it, were women that have been to my definition, to hell and back, during rush hour traffic in one of my exotic vehicles. Now this theory is not about them or my cars, but more or less, on the perception on how we view them, ourselves and the things we wish to be associated with. In life, from what I have humbly learned and witnessed, the only certainty, ultimately, is the outcome. Period, nothing more or nothing less. Things can appear, may appear, seem or statistically be in favor or not of something, and maybe rightfully so. But the only certainty in anything, is the outcome when reflecting back on your journey to your newfound destination. It is a matter of importance to me, in my opinion, and until a person realizes that its not the cards that they were dealt in life or in the game that they need to worry about, and its about how you play them, do you rise above the things that were keeping you down, playing a game you did not know you were playing with yourself. I mean look at it this way, 190 people got or contracted the swine flu recently, and all of a sudden, everyone is wearing protective mask, get checked and overly concerned about their health. Hell, I know I did, and I almost suffocated CJ with things bundling him up and away from anyone that looked like the were about to cough. But for decades, over 14 million people in this world has HIV and or AIDS, and I would wager than less than half of them have gotten checked and still ignore wearing a condom during casual sex. So when someone asked me, do you think we have a chance on making it in any type of relationship, I honestly can not answer it without knowing, where they have came from and where they wish to go, based on my own experiences in the same but different manner. I mean things may be in our favor at the time we discuss them, look good on paper, the timing may seem right and more. But ultimately, the only certainly, is the outcome, so maybe, we will see and find out when we get there and reflect back, on where we just left, is what I proud say and tell them. Each step is either gong forward or backwards, and sometimes idle, so you can really measure progress in and on our path, just the end or destination. But while also saying that, I also feel it is better to lose a lover than to love loser, and someone once told me when we were dating, as I told them when they ask me, "Anthony, why do you get worried when you see someone other than family hold or hug me". I told her, "Its not that I am worried, jealous or envious, its just that when that situation occurs, everything I have imagined, want for myself and the relationship with you and you alone, is in their arms and I am at their mercy. Because if you see it or not, my world, is in their arms and out of my control. I know I can protect you, and not saying they cant, but I know me and my intentions, not theirs, so that is what ruffles my feathers, not them, but something more than that hug that seems to be so innocent to many". Now instantly, one may think I am a control freak, and I could sit here and argue yes or no, but that would be far off of the point I am trying to make. I feel if I can not control me, my goals and more, who should I trust to make sure I have a legitimate chance on reaching them? I have never been a man that has had a problem admitting I am wrong, letting go or trusting. But what I do have a problem with, is allowing someone to lead me where I already know the ending, and not wanting or wishing to revisit a place I did all I could to get out of. So if you know me or not, what you will find out very quickly in conversing and interacting with me, is that I basically only talk about thing I know for a fact. Not things I think I may know, but things I have tried, tested from many angles and more. And even then, even when I know them backwards and forwards, I am not allergic to growth or another way. But trust me, I need to see it in ways you may not be familiar with, and that my friend, is why you will never see or hear of me being, A Back Seat Driver in any car that me or Blair did not charter to take me where I know I need to be.
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This theory all started with me sitting in my backyard, holding CJ, looking at a tree, a lawn mower, this man that was about to use the lawn mower, the grass and time of day this all took place in. I mean if you go back and think about your definition on being high in and on a mystical level, then you will be half way towards this crazy as shit I am seeing right now. It is well known that I do not do drugs, smoke weed or care if you do. Now matter what I have tried to do, wanted to experiment with or whatever, I am strictly, a mini-cigar and liquor man. My thing that kept me from that life of drugs was never about me being smart or lucky, it just was not on my path while growing up, and the things that took me to places people say they visit when they are high. I think my definition of an artificial high, was substituted with the real thing that seem to come to me naturally while traveling through life. So its not that I am lucky or anything, I just never knew about drugs, until I was able to understand, the affects of drugs. And by that time, things were working very well for me, and I could not afford to alter my mind state, and felt no reason to change my course of living, for a experiment I heard, takes you to places I am already at or just left, by my accounts. So in starting this theory, know that it may me about one thing, but what it is more importantly about, is the things that surrounds it. But there are realities within dreams that we somehow forget about when entering into new or what seems to be new, situations. There is the world we want to be in, the one we do not, the one we are heading for and then one we actually live in. Finding your place, finding your space and time within each of those, is a key to something special, I think (smile). I ca not really say I am sure, because I have yet to master or venture into that arena on all levels. But from all indications on the things I seen along the way in developing my senses for what I am and was, is also calculating what I am strategically destined to be, and it points to this or somewhere around that area that I find myself constantly reaching for. But the game never changes, just the players involved in looking back and forward to see where you are going and where you just left, so I have always tried to, remain in a moment, while remembering to never forget, where I am going, and why. And once figuring that particular thing out, its pretty hard to go back in time with regret. I mean its not like you can yell or pray to anyone that did not already warn or tell you, "Hey, I want my future back, give me anotha chance!" You just have to live, learn, love and hopefully, survive it to live, another day, if you realize the importance of time. So thanks for joining me again, and lets see, if I can go, where I wish to, with you guiding me in your mind
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You know this month, is and was a very important month for me. I say that because I am not sure when I will release this theory, but feel a deep need to signify the timeframe in when I wrote it, to make several points throughout this theory clear and able for you to absorb. February, the shortest month of the calendar year, is the month I am referring to in this theory, and being born in this particular month, I will take it upon myself to think out loud, my thoughts of the many things in a month I am apart of, unlike the other eleven I silently contribute to. You know in this month, CJ reached a very important period in his life I was told, in transforming into a more consistent sleep machine, eating solid, well not solid, but strained food and now trying to sit-up, roll over and smile at me like never before. But within this time frame of what is yet to come, a lot has happened that made me realize why I am so fortunate to write about it. Its black history month, and with the amount of now media exposure available to all of us, it is now plastered on every television station, like a three million dollar thirty second ad playing during the Super Bowl. Its everywhere and I am sure with President Elect Obama now in office, it should be, or when thinking about it, should it be emphasized so much? I wonder, am I now more aware that it is now being seen more than normal, or have I been bombarded with so much advertisement that I do not and cant know the difference. Even in the marketing world like never before, a very vital part of advertisement has even changed. What many do not realize is that color, or color schemes and shades, makeup a huge part of marketing and presentation. So in these forever changing times we are all witnessing, how we now see them, is like or unlike, never before. So this morning while just relaxing and listening to the sounds of rain hit the pavement like an impromptu jazz musician, I am flipping through channels on the television, looking for something to watch before my Lakers come on the television to entertain me for a few hours. But in watching the TV Guide Channel, I seen something that caught my eye, and made me turn to this channel / station. The title read, "King" and I had no clue what it was about, but this particular channel, is one of my favorite stations, The History Channel, and if nothing else, I knew I might learn something on someone that by some force created or bestowed upon him, had the name and or title, King, and that alone, is Regal or Royalty. Well come to find out, it was a semi-biography on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and for some reason, I could not change the channel. It started with his background, where he came from and his heritage based on the times and circumstances. But I have read many books on Dr. King, loved the movie "Boycott", where Michael Wright ripped the part up with amazement, and explained how, Martin became Martin, via this story line and in the director eyes. A very moving movie this is, so I was not really all into this program in front of me right now like I should have been, because I am laying in bed being lazy, and felt I had read enough to get a gist on what he stood for. Boy, was I wrong, and after reading this to t he end if you do, what you will honestly read, will startle you, make you wonder and then realize, not much has changed, just the players involved
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You know, just like when I write my theories, in writing personal letters to those I do, I often write them in my mind, way before I physically put them down on paper / screen. I methodically do so that way in knowing what I wish to say, how I wish to say it and the foundation on where I wish for the message inside of the message to go, in deep needed thought, not just action. As many know, my writing style is unique, for it is my own and I pattern it only by the forces that mystically guide me. It is not done on purpose, but done in a way that defines my reason and purpose for doing so. And also in saying that, I do not read what I write after writing it, and within my theories seen all over the world, they come with typos, run-on sentences and more. So if you are a first timer, there it is. If you not, there it is again. Now why you may wonder I brought that up, easy. I promised to myself when starting to do this, that if I really needed to commit myself to this, I had to do it one way and that I would be as real as I could, and give to you, the reader / viewer, me, in the raw, perfectly flawed. All of what I do is naturally spontaneously done enough to be accurate and focused just enough to explain why I am writing or saying what ever it is that I am attempting to do. You may or may not like what I write, but please know that when I do write whatever it is, I do so, in an honest sense that comes from a pure unconditional place of venting and absorbing all that is good and bad. But there are many things about me that nearly everyone very close to me or have deeply and intimately interacted with me knows, that does not and will not get shared voluntarily. Right now, I will offer to you, a little insight on some of my many secrets, and the things that I do not hide, but definitely, do not display to the world about my private life. Now I may in some shape or form mention some of these things it in passing, but I assure you, not to the level where I explain, why, like I am about to do, right now. First of all, I am attracted to a certain type of woman, and it is no secret, what that type looks like. I will not describe her now, because after reading this, you will more than understand my preference, with your approval or not. Oh, forgive me, I just jumped right into this theory without explaining why I am writing this, where this is going and more, so stay with me for a second while I explain to you, where all of this came from. First of all, it was a chain reaction, because someone called me this morning asking if I knew who was hiring in this horrific state of the economy, and someone also asked me, if I enjoy oral sex in an email, or more plainly like they said it, " Do I like Blow Jobs and if so, call them at this number they provided?" Well in combining the two to come up with this one theory, I am giving you the conception of two thoughts into one. First of all, I explained or asked the person that is seeking employment, are they looking for a job or a career? They did not know what I meant, because they see both of them, as the same thing like being "Rich" and being "Wealthy", "Living" and "Surviving" and "Loving", "Being In Love" and "Lust". Well a job to me, is something you do that pays the bills, and you could care less if you keep it or not, it is a means to a end that can be interchanged with a minimal effort in applying ones self, to get where one is wanting to go, not needing to be. A career, is something you are passionate about, and actually makes you a better person, when performing your duties within it. So after explaining this, they understood where my mind frame is, and the question I just asked them. But in explaining all of this to you, I felt to do so in this forum, I would need to explain what I mean. Now like I said, I am attracted to a certain type of woman, and if I literally have her or not, is irrelevant right now, so do not worry if it is this or that. But lets say I met or was talking to a woman that completely did it for me on a cosmetic basis and she asked me, "What is your type?" She would honestly only ask this question after feeling within herself, she was my type or close to it, which made her create the thought or question in knowing, she may be my type based on my look and view towards her to ask the question she needs to hear me say. I would simply tell her if she were her, my type, " I am not answering this out of obligation or because I am attracted to you because you are cute. I also would not be doing it because you just happen to just like me for whatever reason, you universally have this or that, but only, and I mean only because I am attracted to what you have shown to me, and that is that", thats what I would initial say. I say that because, "When I first realized I am who I am, I immediately did things to secure me in gaining, what I knew I needed to have later on in my life, to make me and whomever I am with, happy, and you right now, have that visual image on what life could and would be like, with a man like me." Now to give you, my readers, a little info on me, when everyone was partying at 21- 29, I was working on owning the place, they were spending their money at. Why, because I realize that living in that moment of your life, goes no where and could be very damaging to a person like me, though it can be or is needed to get out of your system, if it is in your system. But what if it is not in your system in the first place I ask you, my reader, then would not you realize it is not needed to experience, because it is not a part of the long-term goal or plan on how you wish to live your life and be remembered? As long as I can selectively remember, I have fantasized about such a physical look in a woman and being in a such a place and position to obtain it, rightfully. The skin tone of her, her voice and how this specific woman would basically be, naturally in my eyes, is all I have ever wanted and needed since realize what I am attracted to. It goes from how I grew up, where I grew up and the examples I was drawn to, that reflect many of the choices I have made in my life, wrong or right. As it states in my biography, I never truly felt, I was the best looking man in the world, and that is based on many things. My self esteem is great and my ego deeply checked, so no, it has nothing to do with how I see me, it has to do on how I thought the world seen me. The media that fed to me, "what beauty is" as a youth, the majority of my close childhood friends turning out to be male actors and models, and because I was always in the spotlight as a child, and never really understood why everyone wanted to come hang out with me, is just the start of what I could never really finish in explaining how I felt about me, and this subject to me. I knew some of my popularity was because I was this star athlete, had a car at 16, graduated at 161/2, scholastically gifted, was the most popular in school, articulate, funny and where I lived. I grew up in the hills of Berkeley California, where we were only 1 of 5 black families that grew up here, the 70s. But I never knew why people liked me, and that played a big part on me as my career started to happen. It never held me back, but was always in the back of my mind, and I always wondered, why, like I do now, from time to time, do I get so much dam attention
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Well Happy Holidays to you and please excuse me for not writing for the last week or two, but time has been going as fast and slow as it has been coming. Besides spending My First Real Holiday Season with Tha Heir and Boo Boo Kitty, I have been traveling a bit, getting ready to travel a bit more and celebrating life in a blessed way. Besides seeing old friends, people I thought I had forgotten about, seeing those I can not remember when I see them and having complete strangers turn into friends, enemies and associates, this Holiday Season has been all I could not have imagined and more. In feeding the less fortunate the other day and constantly running into those that have caught a case or streak of bad luck, I basically kept with my own tradition and gave back to the world that produced me and my life, by giving back, my time. From the smiles and tears I have and continue to shed behind and in front of those solid and invisible doors and walls this Holiday Season, it seems as though as much as we give as a people, there are still people out here in the world, needing more, or less of it. Many of my viewers outside of here sent me things that made me feel warm, as I continued to feel the heat to keep my own private hell from freezing over when I do not hear from them or you. At this very moment, my mind seems to be flooded with thoughts to write about. But as I sit and start to write one of my signature Theories Of Thought, another thought comes along and makes me re-write what I have not yet, put down on paper. My memory seems to keep searching and then re-focusing on love, or the lack there of, as I see and have seen so much hate out here in the world, looking for a home to rent, lease or buy in this foreclosure state of mind, many are going through right now. Many ask me, "What do I think about the economy", and I say, " What about it, it is what it is". So what can I do I ask myself via a third person? How can I fight something that I thought I have already defeated or defeated me, and no matter who wins the battle in this war, what do I do then in the aftermath, if I select to fight or turn the other cheek, like Dr. MLK, Jr. said to do, forty years ago? Yes, I mean hell yeah, I have a dream, but I also have nightmares in my world of reality, so it seems as though I am living a life in three different places at the same time, many of the times
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