Another Monday - Top Bun (LINK)
August 13th 2007 04:02
Last week was an emotionally charged week filled with talk of interest rates, the stock market slide, APEC security and tears when Radar left Mash. So this week Another Monday’s talking hamburgers.
It started with an advertising campaign daring us to name a burger. An advertising campaign I happily ignored. You know the one - taste the burger and tell them what you think it should be called. Yes, happily ignored the campaign for weeks on end. But little did I know my unconscious psyche was working overtime.
One day out of the blue, I had this overwhelming urge to have a burger. But not just any burger. If I was going to clog my arteries with high quality fat, I was at least going to try and feel smart about it. So I decided on the mercury goodness of a fish burger. Brain food.
I was ecstatic with my purchase. I couldn’t wait to get home and plow into this crummy and ten foot high feast. I sat down, opened the box, picked it up and sighed with delight. But the first thing I noticed was that it felt different. Prickly all over. I brought it to my eyes and not to my mouth. My burger not only had a top bun as a top bun and a top bun where the bottom bun should be. So essentially, a burger covered with sesame seeds.
On the first bite, I suffered a sesame explosion. They were falling everywhere. I couldn’t get a grip. If I moved my fingers, we’d have ‘sesame down’. Even with the assistance of a plate, I was poppin’ sesames’ all over the place.
I took another bite and it didn’t feel right. I studied my burger then made an executive decision. I turned it upside down and tried it that way. Surely if something doesn’t feel right, you do something different? I seemed to be doing a lot of thinking for someone just eating. I don’t like to think when I eat. But little did I know that I was not only thinking, but I was going through the five stages of grief.
Denial. This can’t be happening. A lot of things have happened to me over my life but two top buns? This can’t be happening…
Anger. That stupid fifteen year old smart ass at the fish and chip shop. Make no mistake, I know this was a deliberate action. I hope your girlfriend dumps you, you fail your Year 12 exam and I hope your teenage hormonal pimples hurt.
Bargaining. I bargained with myself. There are billions of people in the world who don’t have access to Barramundi Burgers. Just suck it up (or eat it up) and stop internally complaining.
Depression. But why did this happen to me? All I wanted was a working burger. It’s not too much to ask. I paid full price for it, I paid cash and asked very politely. Sure that’s gotta count for something? Typical though, try and be nice and this is what you get…
Acceptance. It could be worse. I could’ve got two bottom buns. As everyone knows, the bottom buns are just doughy and uninteresting. Much like this edition of Another Monday.
Are you doughy and uninteresting? Do you pop sesames all over the place? Are you internally complaining? Do you have a working burger? Can you get a grip? Are you prickly all over? If so, email Liz at Another Monday. anothermonday@theonioncupboar d.com I have the need… the need for speed… a proper burger.
It started with an advertising campaign daring us to name a burger. An advertising campaign I happily ignored. You know the one - taste the burger and tell them what you think it should be called. Yes, happily ignored the campaign for weeks on end. But little did I know my unconscious psyche was working overtime.
One day out of the blue, I had this overwhelming urge to have a burger. But not just any burger. If I was going to clog my arteries with high quality fat, I was at least going to try and feel smart about it. So I decided on the mercury goodness of a fish burger. Brain food.
I was ecstatic with my purchase. I couldn’t wait to get home and plow into this crummy and ten foot high feast. I sat down, opened the box, picked it up and sighed with delight. But the first thing I noticed was that it felt different. Prickly all over. I brought it to my eyes and not to my mouth. My burger not only had a top bun as a top bun and a top bun where the bottom bun should be. So essentially, a burger covered with sesame seeds.
On the first bite, I suffered a sesame explosion. They were falling everywhere. I couldn’t get a grip. If I moved my fingers, we’d have ‘sesame down’. Even with the assistance of a plate, I was poppin’ sesames’ all over the place.
I took another bite and it didn’t feel right. I studied my burger then made an executive decision. I turned it upside down and tried it that way. Surely if something doesn’t feel right, you do something different? I seemed to be doing a lot of thinking for someone just eating. I don’t like to think when I eat. But little did I know that I was not only thinking, but I was going through the five stages of grief.
Denial. This can’t be happening. A lot of things have happened to me over my life but two top buns? This can’t be happening…
Anger. That stupid fifteen year old smart ass at the fish and chip shop. Make no mistake, I know this was a deliberate action. I hope your girlfriend dumps you, you fail your Year 12 exam and I hope your teenage hormonal pimples hurt.
Bargaining. I bargained with myself. There are billions of people in the world who don’t have access to Barramundi Burgers. Just suck it up (or eat it up) and stop internally complaining.
Depression. But why did this happen to me? All I wanted was a working burger. It’s not too much to ask. I paid full price for it, I paid cash and asked very politely. Sure that’s gotta count for something? Typical though, try and be nice and this is what you get…
Acceptance. It could be worse. I could’ve got two bottom buns. As everyone knows, the bottom buns are just doughy and uninteresting. Much like this edition of Another Monday.
Are you doughy and uninteresting? Do you pop sesames all over the place? Are you internally complaining? Do you have a working burger? Can you get a grip? Are you prickly all over? If so, email Liz at Another Monday. anothermonday@theonioncupboar d.com I have the need… the need for speed… a proper burger.
| 33 |
| Vote |
Add Comments
Read More
