Another Monday - On Your Bike (LINK)
August 13th 2007 03:58
There’s been a lot of talk about Police of late. The phrase ‘Keystone Kops’ has popped up again. For those not familiar with these good ol’ bumbling policemen, close your eyes and imagine seven Ned Flanders look alikes (or at least seven Magnum PI’s). Then imagine them dressed in early 1900’s Police Uniforms wearing those cumbersome and ridiculous looking bowler hats. These movie Cops stumble and fall more times than drunk teenagers at a Blue Light Disco’s. They also throw around more cream pies than consumed on the first day of the Biggest Loser. Now open your eyes. You have an Another Monday to read.
I think mention of the Keystone Kops is what compelled our friend ‘Ridley Bid’ to email me. I couldn’t ignore Ridley’s email other than the fact I received the email twice “by accident”. But it wasn’t for that reason, I couldn’t ignore them because I could feel the exasperation in their words. This is the edited version. All swear words have been removed for your safety.
“Dear Liz. I remember that Another Monday when you had an encounter with ‘Constable Doogie Howser’. I also have a Police story. I was walking down the street yesterday and I saw two Policemen tinkering around the back of a bike. Just as yours looked like Doogie Howser, mine looked like Mr Okimura and that Irish guy that sells iinet broadband.”
“Apparently the back light of one of the bikes wasn’t working. It was the middle of the day but I’m sure it was a Health and Safety issue. You know what those Cops are like. You’d think I’m talking about a motorbike. No, not like a motorbike. A Malvern Star. A Malvern Star Liz, I mean the same type of bike my Mum gave me when I was twelve. They spent a good couple of minutes, jigging the light, tapping it and looking around. After a few more minutes and a few more paragraphs of discussion, the light started to work, they jumped on the bikes and rode off.”
“Police on Malvern Star’s? I’ve heard of Police on horseback, Police on motorbikes and Police on their way to the donut shop but bikes? Why in the twenty first century are coppas riding fancy BMX’s??? Why Liz, why?”
Dear Ridley Bid. I, like you, have an issue of Police on bikes. There’s just something unsettling about Police riding something you can put together with an Allen key. It’s best not to get me started on bicycle pumps and combination locks. But back on point, I don’t like Police on bikes because there’s no way I could imagine one of the worlds toughest Cops, Andy Sipowicz mounting a ‘Mamba Sport 2000’ let alone clipping on a helmet and circling the streets of New York ‘Tour De France style’. There’s also a Sergeant Croydon joke in there – but I’m not doing it.
But bikes are not the issue here. The Police are getting it all wrong... They’re sending to jail, beautiful, rich and skinny girls for breaking the law - is there no justice in the world?
Are you getting justice? Do you have an Allen key? Are you wearing a helmet? Have you removed swear words for your safety? Did you get a Malvern Star for Christmas? If so, email Liz at Another Monday. anothermonday@theonioncupboar d.com What’s the colour of a two cent piece?
I think mention of the Keystone Kops is what compelled our friend ‘Ridley Bid’ to email me. I couldn’t ignore Ridley’s email other than the fact I received the email twice “by accident”. But it wasn’t for that reason, I couldn’t ignore them because I could feel the exasperation in their words. This is the edited version. All swear words have been removed for your safety.
“Dear Liz. I remember that Another Monday when you had an encounter with ‘Constable Doogie Howser’. I also have a Police story. I was walking down the street yesterday and I saw two Policemen tinkering around the back of a bike. Just as yours looked like Doogie Howser, mine looked like Mr Okimura and that Irish guy that sells iinet broadband.”
“Apparently the back light of one of the bikes wasn’t working. It was the middle of the day but I’m sure it was a Health and Safety issue. You know what those Cops are like. You’d think I’m talking about a motorbike. No, not like a motorbike. A Malvern Star. A Malvern Star Liz, I mean the same type of bike my Mum gave me when I was twelve. They spent a good couple of minutes, jigging the light, tapping it and looking around. After a few more minutes and a few more paragraphs of discussion, the light started to work, they jumped on the bikes and rode off.”
“Police on Malvern Star’s? I’ve heard of Police on horseback, Police on motorbikes and Police on their way to the donut shop but bikes? Why in the twenty first century are coppas riding fancy BMX’s??? Why Liz, why?”
Dear Ridley Bid. I, like you, have an issue of Police on bikes. There’s just something unsettling about Police riding something you can put together with an Allen key. It’s best not to get me started on bicycle pumps and combination locks. But back on point, I don’t like Police on bikes because there’s no way I could imagine one of the worlds toughest Cops, Andy Sipowicz mounting a ‘Mamba Sport 2000’ let alone clipping on a helmet and circling the streets of New York ‘Tour De France style’. There’s also a Sergeant Croydon joke in there – but I’m not doing it.
But bikes are not the issue here. The Police are getting it all wrong... They’re sending to jail, beautiful, rich and skinny girls for breaking the law - is there no justice in the world?
Are you getting justice? Do you have an Allen key? Are you wearing a helmet? Have you removed swear words for your safety? Did you get a Malvern Star for Christmas? If so, email Liz at Another Monday. anothermonday@theonioncupboar d.com What’s the colour of a two cent piece?
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