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AnnaBanana - by Anna Cameron

AnnaBanana - August 2007

Childhood.

August 19th 2007 11:33
I pick up a shell and my hand touches the sharp edges. I feel my inner child come out from my body as I remember the days and moments of collecting shells from the sandy ground. The moments never fade. They are just lost or misplaced for some unknown reason.
It seems to be for me that every time I leave my hometown of Sydney and touch down on some new space of earth I learn just what I need and appreciate out of life. I realise the importance of life and its wonders.
Money is nothing when there is fun to be had. There are only the restrictions we place upon yourself. Let the inner child come out every now and again. Learn to grow but not too fast.
It could have something to do with my 21st coming up but I feel this sudden urge to be in my bed at home, just so I can be woken up with presents and breakfast in bed. It's not until a moment arises that has certain expectancies from the past that you come to miss being a child and being able to be looked after.
Adulthood seems to creep up behind you and all of a sudden you are taller than you thought and smarter than you think. You are able to do things yourself without asking anyone else for permission. Sometimes I wish for no responsibilities and no worries but once you have that its no longer a charge and full life. Life means little in childhood and therefore the time has come for me to think for myself. I can pick up that shell and place it on my desk and look every now and again and remember. Remember the past but more importantly look forward to the future.
The time has come to turn 21. And grow up.
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insight...

August 19th 2007 11:17
Is it better to hide the pain? Wear the smiling face...
Or should we acknowledge the hurting feeling and let the tears flow.
Is it lonely and sad to go to dinner by yourself?
Or is it empowering?
I stand and watch. I begin a conversation and she does not stop. I think to myself maybe she just wants someone to listen to her and she can't stand to talk to herself anymore. She tells me that her kids are grown up and left the nest, and while she has many degrees and has gone through different jobs... she is very discontented in life. She has nothing to do, she says. I feel like saying there is always something to do in life. I feel like there is too much to do, and so few hours to do it in.
Watching and learning from body language I see what people actually say, but am interested to know what they really mean.
When you ask a question to someone it is only once you ask it four times that you will recieve a truthful answer to the question. This information was relayed to me from a 28 year old Irish friend of mine.
I sat and pondered this information and stored it in my head forever.
But really what did this mean? Is it that people want to hide things?
I don't really think thats the case. I think its more so that people are so used to having to not tell the whole truth. Really the truth is there but it's not until someone bangs it out of us that it is revealed.
I asked the old lady, table for one, many questions as I truly was interested but there was so much I missed out. All i wanted to ask was why she had come to dinner all by herself and let herself look vulnerable and lonely, when the insightful truth may be far from that.
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