When I woke up I was teary and somehow I didn't know why. I realized I had been dreaming but I couldn't remember what happened. As I wonder to the bathroom half asleep I accidentally trip over the stupid coffee table that is quite lower than normal.
I look into the mirror and realize I have bags under my eyes. My long arms look like strings on a puppet and I'm so white and pasty. No I'm not sick. I'm just worried. So worried that it makes me sick. My best friend in the world, mum, is sick and it makes my heart sick.
'So where are we going mum?'
'Hmmm.... How about Chatswood? We haven't been there for a while'
'Sounds good'.
As we enter Sportsgirl mum starts to look faint.
'Can you see that light over there darling? Its flashing.'
She goes from normal to delirious in seconds. I look around Sportsgirl to see where she can sit. People begin to stare. I feel like yelling at them, who are they to stare and why do I care so much.
'Excuse me my mum needs to sit down.... she's not well. I need to call my step dad! '
No one answers.
I look around to find mum and all I can feel is her eyes tepid with fear.
I look as if I don't know they're looking but I know what their thinking.
Before I can totally register what is going on mum falls to the ground.
Those eyes. White. Flash. Disappear. Everything is a blur.
'Mum, mum!' I call forever it seems until a man in a white suit takes her away.
Scared. Alone. And in a world of beating eyes.
If only a knew what would happen next.
Don't we all have insecurities. Be brave.
You can choose to like your horoscope and believe it or not like it and forget it all.
People can be habits. The bad habits are always hard to break.
Same difference...
Similar yet different
Can you at least pretend to listen?
Slide back into your favourite dress, but sometimes that dress can go out of fashion.
Live, laugh & fill that bowl to the top.
Uncomfortable truth
I'm a writer, at least I have that to say.
What else can we be?
He was a plumber by trade, but it was from the heart.
Soul sucking machine.
Not living your dream life... what does that mean?
I dont want him to go.... I am finally happy, i am finally committing even if I am not... I am finally content with letting the past slide... and I'm finally ready to see the present...
But why is it not the time?
Should life go fast or slow, should we wait for something right or do we have to ponder in the greatest insecurities for our true thoughts to shine...
Why must i flee to take hold of my problems, no matter where the road is leading us the problems will follow.. but really are they problems, or do we just try to give our lives purpose and cause the dramas of everyday life...
You cant be afraid... I just got offered a new job but i don't want to go there on Monday, i want to sit on the beach and ponder my life... i dont want to have to go out there and make money when really what i want to do is write.. Why make my life harder and stressful when what i know i want to do is this... write what i want and somehow i know i'll get there when i want to...
This may sound like mumble jumble but to me... this is me... these are my thoughts and this is what i want.
As much as I want certainty and security and I want to travel... half of me wants to stop and chill and do nothing but what i want to do...
But i know for sure.. I dont want him to go... I have never ever wanted people to leave my life, althought they always seem to. The difference here is I knew he was leaving from the start, i knew i didn't have to worry about getting too close and in turn getting hurt because it was not so far away that he would disappear... i could have fun and let it slide... move on and continue being 20.
I never dreamed that it would be just what I wanted.... and needed..
I can't stop him.... but maybe i can stop him from forgetting me as he journeys where he must.... and maybe just maybe he will come back....
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