...totally out of sync with who I thought I was. I joined classmates.com why? I cannot understand why I did this. I was tortured in high school, so badly I was forced to quit in the summer of my junior year. Thugs and bullies spared me no mercy and that was just the faculty.
I have horror stories and what kid didn't. We were all or most of us were teased about something by someone for no other reasons then that they could, we allowed it, or no one else tried to stop it.
It didn't matter anything different was a target and it was always a relief when there was a bigger target then you, you could breathe without fear, yet you felt guilty that someone else was being teased by the homeroom show off slash bully. You never looked up when you were not the target and you never looked up when you were and that dear ones sums up my two high school years. What does it sum up for you? Bully or target?
...talk to but you and I do not even know who you are! Probably better that way, you may have a tendency to judge if you knew me. Judge away...
I come from a small minded town in the upper penisula of Michigan. I was out of school when Nixon "resigned". Forced to keep anything true about me deep down inside I learned the fine art of storytelling. You see when you are forced to protect your essence you cannot imagine the things you have to do. The fear it produced is incomprehensible and the memories it left are ever present.
After leaving school it was easier, in the short run, after leaving town I slowly allowed myself to discover all that I had innately buried. This is still happening; a process that does not have any ending because it is always beginning, do you get that? It just never ends or is always beginning, I am never sure.
...know what's going on? I seem not to. It has been over five months since I felt the need to peck out thoughts. And I can't think of anything, can you?
Do you ever get scared? I do and always over seemingly little things. Like life and all this work; not the forty hour a week kind, the day to dayness of living. It gets harder as you grow older. As anyone who is aware of passing time understands.
I have to apply for disability and of course they all have advice but all agree hire legal help, how can you hire anything, doesn't that take funds? I don't know it is all so confusing to me. Most days I sit in this ignorant fog looking for bliss.
...on and still trying to make sense of it all. People have been leaving my life in one form or another. Reconnecting with family members that have something in common, it makes it easier to communicate and to feel that familial connection once more.
Like I said, I am still trying to get a clearer insight to the workings behind the workings so to speak, the reasons why, no matter how simple they may be. Just working on understanding the mechanics. Is that removing myself?
...scared. And I do not know what it is that frightens me like a startled child abruptly awakened by some horrible nightmare. I feel all the blood drain from my body when that jagged fear tears through me. Why can't I find my way out of this nightmare, why can't I wake up?
I am already awake, the nightmare and all is happening in real time. Where am I? Why have I disappeared?
Add Comments
Read More
