Ally

Wollongong, New South Wales, AUSTRALIA

Joined October 21st 2010

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Hyder

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pondering

October 23rd 2010 03:55

I have been thinking alot lately, wondering if the stress within our family from before Hyder was born which has been ongoing has anything to do with these Asperger behaviours.
Right from the begining its been one drama after the other. Trying to fall pregnant with hyder and after multiple miscariages i fell with him. there were lots of other stressful factors including a very big family dispute. Thi is another thing i often wonder if it has affected Hyder. You see i eloped to pakistan to get married 8 years ago so being married to a wonderful pakistani man we have faced many racist views but none as big as my own families. When they found out i was pregnant with Hyder ( a boy ) the first words from my parents mouths were he will grow up to be a terrorist. so after a lifetime of crap from my family this was the final nail in the coffin, or so i thought .
After going through my pregnancy dealing with the hurt of the loss of my family i became very depressed, i was very Hurt and confused and lots of things from the past came up. a few days before i was due to give birth to Hyder the family showed up at my door. They told me they couldnt think of me having a baby without them and said they wanted to forget everything, so gullible me believed it.
Hyder was born a very healthy baby he was a wonderful baby slept through the night from day 1. My family never took to him and things were never the same there was always tension, as he became a toddler they always commented on how he was wild and say he needed a good " belting" . one day Hyder was playing in their backyard, which they didnt like as they didnt like kids making any mess my father told him to get F***** you little bastard. so i walked out the door and apart from a phone call abusing me when my younger baby was In intensive care fighting for his life i never heard from them again.
They did treat Hyder terribly for a few years , there was terrible stress in our home and i was coming out of depression. So i wonder were we the cause of this?
I have a couple good friends who along with their families have taken on the role as grandparents to my kids so they have had alot more love than my own would ever have given them. But i will always wonder.

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the road to discovery

October 21st 2010 12:28

my name is Ally and im 33 years old, i have been happily married for 8 years now ( time flies ) i have 3 kids my daughter is 7, youngest son is 18 months and my middle child Hyder is 4 almost 5 .
Hyder was what you would imagine to be the " perfect " baby he would sit quietly all day if you left him , sleep through the night, at the age of 2 he was still very quiet didnt talk alot just played with his trains all day. then he hit 3 -4 and he was like a different child. he would become obsessed with one object , he was aggressive and violent, he was not affectionate to anyone and seemed totaly distanced from us . we took him to a psychologist at this time but we didnt get anything out of it the aggresion and violent eppisodes were explained to us as " children see , children do " so that was enough for us, knowing we had no aggression or violence in our home and the only television Hyder would watch was Thomas the Tank Engine, we were very dissapointed. In the mean time our 3rd child jack was born, Jack has had alot of health problems and it's been a very stressful 18 months with him, as we have almost lost him several times and it's still ongoing ( but thats another story) , Hyder doesnt seem to mention this but im sure he is feeling the stress of the situation, as much as you try to shield kids they feel everything.
We spent alot of time with Hyder one on one and tried to teach him how to talk with ppl and to show affection, he has changed alot in this respect in the last 12 months, he hugs us, tells us he loves us and has a relation ship with a couple of my friends who have become the kids Nanna , Poppy and aunts. The aggression and violence still exists, its not as often now but the odd behaviours have become more apparent . Everything must be routined, rules must be followed, he will use his imagination in play but in reality he see's things very black and white for example at easter he told me " dont be stupid mum a rabbit cant bring eggs ", he takes everything literaly , he has obsessions with toys, he sniffs when he is around ppl he doesnt feel comfortable with,he seems to be inerested in making friends but he hasnt as yet after a couple years of pre school.

these are just a few things.
we started taking him to a new psychologist and have had a cognitive assessment done .Aspergers is continuously coming up as a possibility , well i had no idea what this was and chose not to research it in the begining, i didnt want to look at the symptoms and confirm or eliminate i wanted to remain open minded. He scored as having a very high IQ, slow processing speed and rated as moderate Autism. This of course is not a diognosis as we are waiting for the testing and it may take some time. Hyder starts school next year and im very worried how he will cope and they wont have any help for him without that diognosis. Every day is a battle with Hyder he breaks my heart some times , just recently he told me he is hearing voices and that all brains have different wires and he said his is very different. im waiting to see the paediatrition next week as this is a big area of concern for me.
Of course i have now researched Aspergers and yes he does meet alot of the symptoms but im not sure.I dont know anyone else who has been or is going through the same thing so i would love to hear from anyone who has to get some advice.I have never written a blog and dont really expect anyone will really read it but none the less it feels good to type some of Hyders story. He is a lovely little boy i hope the big world can also see that.
Ally