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Allow me to introduce myself... - by gnrlstudies

Rake the yard!!!

November 11th 2007 14:01
So, I'm turning over a new leaf, I'm building a better me. And the first thing that I know that I have to do is...rake the damn yard.

Seriously, it's hard for a woman who is constantly trying to attain a life worth living, one of luxury and hard work when their are people in my life that are holding me back. Using me and my time. Now, I understand that time is money, and that money is the root of all success (or was that evil, I forget). Well, anyways I had a friend. Lets call her Ditsy, because that she was. Ditsy was my ace, we went to all of the nice restaurants, had fun at the Casino, talked about making an obscene amount of money in Marketing and Graphic Design, but soon I realized that she was about her business. Every single time I confronted her with a new contract she would ask some simple Ditsy questions and basically never get it started. Knowing that this would anger me, I would swallow all of the work and blame and move on, with the baggage of Ditsy as a friend. This girl would lie to her family, convincing them that she was with me when all along she was spending full weekends with her criminal of a boyfriend. She went so far as to leave me at the mall, ditching is not cute, nor is it friendly. But I stayed loyal, covering for her the whole time.


You see the thing is, I felt that I needed a friend. I suffered an extreme amount of lost this summer and I wanted to have someone to talk to, that would understand my situations, but after a while she wouldn't even be interested in what I had to say, the opportunities that I presented or anything other than smoking maryjane and eating! I was astonished at the way our friendship was turning for the worst, but I still stayed loyal. That is, until last night when she called me all day to express how she wanted to pick me up from work so that I wouldn't have to take the bus. But don't mind taking the bus, I don't mind waiting on the bus, because I know that it is coming. However I know that I can't trust Ditsy, she has no constraints, no responsibility, no sense. She called me at 5pm to say that she was on her way, she was excited because she got a new car and wanted me to check it out, I was happy for her because she was working really hard (I guess towards buying car), but I knew in the back of my mind that I wasn't going to be riding in it. Her deadbeat, dealer of a boyfriend was going to drive her crazy. So at half past five, I made my way to the bus stop, disappointed in not only her but myself, for believing that maybe she was becoming more responsible. Fifteen minutes later she called explaining that she was an hour away, but still on her way. I was livid! How could I allow her to do this to me again? She knew that I had errands that I could've run on my own, on the bus, and instead I waited around for an hour. To some that may not sound like a lot, but on the streets of it gets dark at around 6pm, and it gets totally unsafe a few minutes before that.


So I got home, two hours after I got off work, it was dark, I live in a ghetto, so not only was I tired, but I was running the three blocks home from the bus stop. I get home and she still hasn't called to apologize and I send her an email, basically saying...I'm turning over a new leaf, raking my yard...and you have been thrown away. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary. And it had to be done.
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Its been an entire summer, and I was very close to giving up all hope. Then my good friend asked if I would go with her to Chicago and look for jobs there. I literally scrapped up every dollar I had and headed west! Jumping at the idea of finding employment in a larger more opportunistic city. Prior to leaving I applied, called, and emailed every employer I could find, hoping to score an interview, and possibly a position. To much avail, I spent two days wandering through Hyde Park and Boystown without so much as a lunch date. It was disastrous. I don't remember crying, but I came awfully close. On the third day, my phone magically rung. I say magically becuase I hadn't paid the bill and was counting down the minutes until the darn thing was going to get shut off. The person on the other end introduced herself as Nikki, an employment advisor for one of Detroit's premiere temp agencies. (That's right, I said Detroit, only I would go to Chicago to find a job, and receive a call from Detroit about a position). Nikki, informed me that someone had passed my resume to her concerning a position at a top health insurance firm in the city (I don't think I can say the name, something like Orange Heart, Purple Arrow...if you are familiar with big business you'll get it). I was to be interviewed on the following Tuesday, testing that same afternoon, beginning work on Wednesday. I was ecstatic. FINALLY, A BREAK. Three days later a position that I applied to called an asked me to begin work that weekend. Ofcourse, I accepted. I had to. I was penniless and for the first two weeks I borrowed money from my mother to pay for busfare to and from each job.

This summer was a huge trial. I prayed, cried and depressed myself. Ultimately forcing myself to believe that all of my hard work and effort was for nothing. But there are good things out there. For example, I've been working for two months and I still do not know who it is that passed my resume to Orange Heart*, I have no clue, but I no for sure that I did not apply. So whomever it was, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart. It was a blessing and I OWE YOU ONE!
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So this summer is winding down, and my adventurous are noticeably becoming fewer and farther between. But two of the things that have stood out are my trips. I haved to Savannah, GA for a random wedding weekend, to Chicago, IL for a faux job search and I write to you now from sunny, bountiful New York City. All of which, in my opinion have class, heir and appeal, but none stump the individuality that is Detroit. I can honestly say that Detroit is one of the more specific places that I have ever been, because of one reason, its dying, and no one seems to care.

New York City will never suffer the pains that Detroit has, it comes together to quickly. In all of its anger and rudenes, it still has the ability to console and appreciate the history of its community, the entirety of NYC astounds me and that is what I love about it. As I look out the window I see that one of the brownstown is blazing, spilling smoke into the air. Nevertheless, people aren't stopping, gauking at the horrible scene, they are keeping it moving, They understand that later on, they will return from their busy days of hustle and bustle, peer at the damage and assess just how to mentally and emotionally handle the situation. It is beautiful. These people really know how to set priorities and stick with them. On Friday I walked a tourist district on my own, trying to make myself look as unlike them as possible. I cursed loudly on the phone, walked briskly past other lost tourist, bargained with t-shirt and knockoff purse salesmen and disregarded the fact that I hade only $30 in my pocket. I was rich, in my mind with the thought that I could possibly be mistaken as a pretty little black girl from Brooklyn. But later on that evening, the Upper East Side found me out. We went to about four clubs and everyone I danced with would whisper in my ear "Where you from girl? I know you ain't from New York." I would smile maintain my rhythm, only to turn around and say, "Detroit". My then dance partner would do the same,waiting a few seconds before saying "I'm not messing with you." or "I'm not to close am I," or whatever would mean that he had never been to Detroit, but had heard enough about it to be scared. Detroit prevails once more.

One thing that I really like about this city is that the people are so stylish, they are proud to dress in whatever aspect they wish, with full West Indian, Urban, African, gothic fashion sense the blacks, whites, Puerto Ricans....everyone dresses like nothing I've ever seen. In Detroit it is amazing to see anyone looking presentable, girls leave the house with dirty jeans and shirt, boys never pull up their pants. But here! Just looking out the window you see a small urban fashion show, and I really appreciate it.

I'm leaving wherever I am right now and heading to Brooklyn today...for a picnic and to visit some college buddies, just what til you hear about my adventures in Chicago!!! TTYL Orblers!
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The Poorest Summer

August 14th 2007 20:04
So, its almost over. Thank god. This has been the most random, most uncontrollable, most inconsistent summer of my life. I have had nothing to do all summer and still managed to do nothing productive. I don't understand myself. Can I get to work, PUUULLLEEASE!? Seriously. I was just thinking that maybe a switch would turn on in my head that would make me immediately want sit down in a cubicle and do whatever it is that I am told to. But it never happened. I know that that switch doesn't even exist. So what now? What in the world am I supposed to do now? It has taken me five months to realize that it is up to me to answer that question.

I'm at the library now, trying to figure out some things that I should have researched a while ago. But, the past is the past and I can't do anything to change my procrastination (unless you know of something that I don't). So I am trying to start my own business. Oh, and I did find a job!! Which I am excited about. Nevertheless, back to my business. I am a recent graduate, in the past I was good at "Putting People Together" but not in the "Are you single? I know a girl" sort of way. In the "Hey I need someone to introduce me to that club owner so that I can headline at their open mic next Friday" sort of way. I want to go into Public Relations, ofcourse it will be small time for a while, but I know that I can do it. I've been reading up on writing press releases and how to negotiate, which already comes naturally. What's next, find a market and get my name out there


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Get on the bus!!! But be careful.

June 21st 2007 22:17
Why is it that every city bus driver manage to take on the characteristics of the routes that drive. Who is in charge of the hiring processes at the Detroit Department of Transportation? Do they just look at the applicants and say “You’re going to drive the Oakland route, you seem like you can deal with old bums and even older prostitutes.” I mean seriously! Why is it that the Grand River Crosstown coach driver is so withdrawn and sad? Is it because she literally has to watch the city digress as the bus zooms from the east to the west? And what about the Hamilton-Northland driver, why is he so upbeat everyday? Maybe it’s the happy spirit of the potential shoppers and students that ride that route everyday.

So today I get on the Woodward bus and as I say hello to the driver, he peers out of the side of his eye and barely opens his mouth to say something back. Treat other people, right? Well, I guess not. A few days earlier, I think it was like Tuesday when I was on a bus that completely cut off a biker that for some reason was pedaling as fast as he could right next to the bus. Of course he ran directly into the side of the coach as it made one of its most frequent stops. The driver had no remorse, the biker on the other hand wanted to exchange words, they yelled for a few minutes and the bus won


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So I got this new job...

June 20th 2007 21:37
And it is the worst....Last week I went to get my laptop repaired at this little storefront in the hood, I'm talking a twenty minute bus ride, so this place is in the deep hood. I should've thought twice, right, well I didn't and now I am dealing with the consequences. Well the little guy in the store decided to tell me that he was looking for someone to keep an eye on his other storefront on the westside of Detroit. He sounded as if he was a nice enough guy and when I told him about the my search, ofcourse he offered me the position. I accepted, and immediately should have thought twice. There I was. Jobless, now employed, in a job that, I just found out...pays less than $2.50 an hour! What in the? Enslaved by my own people, the irony. But, blog readers, I decided to show up on Monday morning, becuase I gave my word and I am a really nice person, not to mention the fact that SPRINT threatened to cut my phone off at the end of this week.
So DAY ONE right...
I get to the store and I think that there is going to be someone there to train me because I know absolutely nothing (I mean NADA!) about video games or video game systems. But there is no one, but the ants, but that is another subject. I stayed for the entirety of the day...10am to 7pm ...klutzing my way through answering questions...looking up crap to find pricing information. But the weirdest thing that happened the entire Monday was that when I told the guy I wanted to go to lunch...he was upset, he asked how long I was going to be gone and tried to ask for me to return to the store before an hour was up....in a 9 hour day, returning to work after lunch in 45-minutes or less is unheard of, especially when you MAKING LESS THAN $2.50 PER HOUR (obviously this angered me


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And then there are the men...

June 11th 2007 20:12
So I have been wondering around Downtown Detroit for the last four weeks, looking for employment, researching other cities to invade, enjoying my days of actually having nothing to do. And then I realized something. Why not have more fun? Why not let my boundaries down and go all out? I mean, I'm a pretty girl and everyday some older nicer gentleman asks me to lunch or dinner. Why not take them up on their offer? And that is what I actually did. The first guy was much older, about 55, but he was official and sweet. He didn't let on as if he was trying to get anywhere but the bedroom with his conversation. So I immediately decided that this would be our last meeting. We had chicken, spicy. He flirted and I laughed like crazy! Thougts ran through my mind as if they were on a treadmills, "What is he thinking?"; "He is clearly married", "He's cute, almost gorgeous, but he flirts too hard." He brought me a couple of drinks and after a slow tight hug, we parted...amazingly tipsy I made my way to my home.

The next day I set out on my usual errands, unemployment office, library, McDonald's, home to walk the dog by five. And then there was Shaun. Tall, dark with dreadlocks, a deadly compilation of a man. He was funny, but on foot. Promising me that we would meet up that evening to see Spider-Man 3. And when my phone rang later on, a large smile spread across my face. He hugged me tight during the movie, and when I told him of my financial situation easily turned over a twenty dollar bill. Shaun was a gentleman, walking curbside, opening doors, asking before he kissed me goodnight. I liked him. But he was still living with his ex, what's a girl to do


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Why do women do this?

May 7th 2007 19:37
Okay, so people may have liked the post concerning the smiles and random laughs, and I thank you for responding. I am new to blogging and I recently figured it out, I can right whatever I want because its my blog. So, since no one out there really personally knows me I am going to begin to spill my guts, only because I need to vent and everyone says that some really amazing unbelievable stuff has happened to me.

But. Today the topic on the radio was, why do women hate other women eventhough they do not know them


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I am so tired of being the angry black woman that many people want me to be. Like, what else is there to do other than sit aroud being angry....how about being happy!!!

So the other day, while on my wild and crazy search for employment I decided that I was going to have a new outlook on life, I am going to be happier. Stop blaming everything on everybody and just take things as they come, and you know what, so far so good. My eyes are clearer, I've lost a little weight and while walking home from the unemployment office for nice looking black men asked me for my phone number. I am all smiles, broke, but still all smiles


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Okay everybody...I've taken advise from the masses, I am starting small and plan to work my way to the top. But have we forgotten, affirmative action in the state of Michigan is Dead!!! And that is real. Usually I do not allow rule for error due to racism, but i know now for sure that maybe I mae a little mistake. I trusted too much in the innate goodness of people. I allowed myself to think that maybe we do not need to depend on affirmative action, and being a black graduate from Michigan (GO BLUE) I actually was against its presences within the aplication process in public universities. I felt that affirmative action was a way for the establishment to acknowledge that without a legislative system in place diversity would be uncertain. And I was right, however I also felt that the conscience of people would overthrow any legislation that was meant to assist a minority. I believed that because there was no affirmative action the powering establishments would continue to employ and assist the minority, not because they have to but because they wanted to. But, man was I stupid.

So I get a job in a Detroit suburb and I was so excited...working for a mom and pop jewelry maker. The "mom' told me to come back the next day and she would introduce me to her husband (the other owner), well I did, he barely even looked at me when he called his 17-year old neighbor to come and help him out in the shop. His wife tried to explain to him that I was there to do that, and that I had a good history in retail. He brushed her off, took me in the back of the store where he told me that my main task was to organize the jewelry and take pictures to put on the stores website. I was alright with that until he tried to explain to me how to use a digital camera, carefully making sure that he mentioned every little thing he could concerning how to focus, zoom in and out, review the picture, turning it on and off...I didn't want to explain to him that in my purse alone I had a digital cam as well as one on my phone and on my pda. But I let the ignorance continue


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