'Adjusting' Yourself
November 4th 2006 12:53
Men have to deal with their genitals. Before we get to talking about the process of adjusting said genitals, let's just get the juvenile genital guffaws out of the way.
What do we call the penis and testicles?
The package. The family jewels. Nuts. Balls. Dick. One-eyed chicken. Meat. Tube steak. Slippery lizard. Steve (at least that is what I've been told). If you care to add to this list, fine reader, please do so.
So, what to do with the pesky dangle. We've all been trained not to dive our hand down into the crotch to re-adjust some renegade testicle that insists on being squished between the thighs. It looks "gross" we are told, and perhaps it will not be conducive to striking up a conversation with a girl.
I thought that if I was playing pocket pool with my hang, it would indicate to a girl that I had man meat. Apparently, the assumption is that girls already know this. Ok. I guess that's good.
The Rules of the Adjustment
In the privacy of your own home, dive in and modify placement as indicated.
If you have company and you are cooking, wash your hands after addressing lie of the pesky penis. If your hands have been kneading ground beef or bread dough, you may want to wash your hands before going in.
Before going out into the world, do what you can to assure perfect placement of the genital unit. Tightie whities hold your stock in place, while boxers leave more room to roam. There are some recent improvements in boxers that may effectively address the issue. Jock straps are passe. And they can really stink.
When in a crowd, regardless of the need to 'adjust', do not do it. Girls may think you are a pervert, or dirty, or a self-involved self-stimmer. Wait until you can find some privacy, and do what you need to do.
Remember mind over matter. Sometimes, as with an itch, when you try to 'forget' about the mis-hang, it only becomes worse. Paradoxical, yes? It takes practice to pretend that your penis is not being squished beyond belief. And then, to do nothing about it. It may take years of practice to reach the point of rising above the genital fray. Practice, practice, practice.
Erections are just unfortunate. Well, not if you are trying to perpetuate the species. But if you are walking downtown, and to your horror, you notice that you have quite the opposite of a dangle, then you just have to somehow cover it up. With your hands, your brief case, a coat, or pulling your shirt out of tuck. Often, the sheer horror of this event will cause the very issue to 'dissipate'.
Once the arousal has dissipated, adjustment is most likely required. Refer to above rules.
There need be no shame in having to adjust the package. It is there, all sticking out and everything. What the hell are you supposed to do?
Just abide by the Man Lesson rules, and you should be fine.
deorre
What do we call the penis and testicles?
The package. The family jewels. Nuts. Balls. Dick. One-eyed chicken. Meat. Tube steak. Slippery lizard. Steve (at least that is what I've been told). If you care to add to this list, fine reader, please do so.
So, what to do with the pesky dangle. We've all been trained not to dive our hand down into the crotch to re-adjust some renegade testicle that insists on being squished between the thighs. It looks "gross" we are told, and perhaps it will not be conducive to striking up a conversation with a girl.
I thought that if I was playing pocket pool with my hang, it would indicate to a girl that I had man meat. Apparently, the assumption is that girls already know this. Ok. I guess that's good.
The Rules of the Adjustment
In the privacy of your own home, dive in and modify placement as indicated.
If you have company and you are cooking, wash your hands after addressing lie of the pesky penis. If your hands have been kneading ground beef or bread dough, you may want to wash your hands before going in.
Before going out into the world, do what you can to assure perfect placement of the genital unit. Tightie whities hold your stock in place, while boxers leave more room to roam. There are some recent improvements in boxers that may effectively address the issue. Jock straps are passe. And they can really stink.
When in a crowd, regardless of the need to 'adjust', do not do it. Girls may think you are a pervert, or dirty, or a self-involved self-stimmer. Wait until you can find some privacy, and do what you need to do.
Remember mind over matter. Sometimes, as with an itch, when you try to 'forget' about the mis-hang, it only becomes worse. Paradoxical, yes? It takes practice to pretend that your penis is not being squished beyond belief. And then, to do nothing about it. It may take years of practice to reach the point of rising above the genital fray. Practice, practice, practice.
Erections are just unfortunate. Well, not if you are trying to perpetuate the species. But if you are walking downtown, and to your horror, you notice that you have quite the opposite of a dangle, then you just have to somehow cover it up. With your hands, your brief case, a coat, or pulling your shirt out of tuck. Often, the sheer horror of this event will cause the very issue to 'dissipate'.
Once the arousal has dissipated, adjustment is most likely required. Refer to above rules.
There need be no shame in having to adjust the package. It is there, all sticking out and everything. What the hell are you supposed to do?
Just abide by the Man Lesson rules, and you should be fine.
deorre
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Girls get itches too, especially after they shave. We do the leg cross, sometimes that helps or go to the bathroom. There is nothing worse though, than getting a hair stuck on the sticky part of a maxi pad. Ouch!
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It's about the dangle, and the plethora of odd hangs that can become uncomfortable.
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Try this--it works for wedgies, and it may serve to help readjust, too :
Grab the outside seams of your pants and pull down on both sides. Gently. Don't yank your trousers down around your knees--defeats the purpose.
You can also sort of discreetly shift your pant legs side to side this way, allowing the ol' package to fall into a more comfortable position.
This just looks like you're straightening out your pant legs, since your hands are along your hips instead of buried in your crotch or your bum.
Let me know if it works for bag adjustment...