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From The Heart - by Achilliez_Heel

A rose by any other name, would smell just as sweet

July 14th 2007 22:15
Please people i really need feedback for this one, im planing on sending it to this girl named Rose.


A rose by any other name, would smell just as sweet.
Because nectar from that precious flower would leave you wanting more.
Because just the feeling is almost to much to contain.
Words whispered through seductive lips.
Things seen through fixated eyes.
So much more than a sexual feeling.
So much more than that tingle I get when I see you.

Because I speak of love
Total devotion to someone like you
Not even needing physical contact

Just you being there fulfils me
The need pulling away at my heart
Just wanting to see you
Talk to you
Know how you’re doing
Because the way I think of you
I may never be able to express
But I will try on this canvas
Because I speak of love


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8 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Lily

July 14th 2007 23:04
Achilliez_Heel

I would never ask someone who has written a poem from their heart, to change a single word. My only advice would be to form the first verse as follows; (one typo corrected)

A rose by any other name
would smell just as sweet.
Because nectar from that precious flower
would leave you wanting more.
Because just the feeling
is almost too much to contain.
Words whispered through seductive lips.
Things seen through fixated eyes.
So much more than a sexual feeling.
So much more than that tinge I get
when I see you.

~Lily

Comment by David

July 14th 2007 23:16
A Rose by any other name
would never smell as sweet
as you.

Your nectar always leaves me wanting more.

Lily’s mouth is just an open trumpet
with a strumpet’s furry tongue to boot.

Daisy’s petals limply laze around
and rarely open up.

Jasmine’s just so overbearing
and I prefer a subtle smell.

Poppy’s bright but only at first sight
and love runs deeper than a glance.

Violet’s also bright in her own light
but her dullness dims my loins.

This is not a sexual poem
but can I spread your petals?

Comment by Nickoftime's Sanity Corner

July 15th 2007 00:25
Achilliez,

sounds good to me, but then again I'm not a poet...I am however a hopeless romantic, and I think you've done a pretty good job here...

Well done...I'd send it...

Take care,

Nick

Comment by Achilliez_Heel

July 15th 2007 03:04
First of all I want to thank ~lily~ i love the revision, second ~David~ I’ve always liked your work but this one is especially fun. And lastly ~Nick~ thank you for the extra confidence boost, it’s greatly appreciated.


JUL DEL

Comment by Tracy

July 15th 2007 03:59
It speaks with passion....I don't see how you can go wrong with sending it,

Tracy

Comment by Miss Nomer

July 15th 2007 08:25
Dear A..I hope you have sent it x

Comment by Tracy

August 16th 2007 01:54
Great to hear,

Tracy

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