A Blown Career
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You know, just like when I write my theories, in writing personal letters to those I do, I often write them in my mind, way before I physically put them down on paper / screen. I methodically do so that way in knowing what I wish to say, how I wish to say it and the foundation on where I wish for the message inside of the message to go, in deep needed thought, not just action. As many know, my writing style is unique, for it is my own and I pattern it only by the forces that mystically guide me. It is not done on purpose, but done in a way that defines my reason and purpose for doing so. And also in saying that, I do not read what I write after writing it, and within my theories seen all over the world, they come with typos, run-on sentences and more. So if you are a first timer, there it is. If you not, there it is again. Now why you may wonder I brought that up, easy. I promised to myself when starting to do this, that if I really needed to commit myself to this, I had to do it one way and that I would be as real as I could, and give to you, the reader / viewer, me, in the raw, perfectly flawed. All of what I do is naturally spontaneously done enough to be accurate and focused just enough to explain why I am writing or saying what ever it is that I am attempting to do. You may or may not like what I write, but please know that when I do write whatever it is, I do so, in an honest sense that comes from a pure unconditional place of venting and absorbing all that is good and bad. But there are many things about me that nearly everyone very close to me or have deeply and intimately interacted with me knows, that does not and will not get shared voluntarily. Right now, I will offer to you, a little insight on some of my many secrets, and the things that I do not hide, but definitely, do not display to the world about my private life. Now I may in some shape or form mention some of these things it in passing, but I assure you, not to the level where I explain, why, like I am about to do, right now. First of all, I am attracted to a certain type of woman, and it is no secret, what that type looks like. I will not describe her now, because after reading this, you will more than understand my preference, with your approval or not. Oh, forgive me, I just jumped right into this theory without explaining why I am writing this, where this is going and more, so stay with me for a second while I explain to you, where all of this came from. First of all, it was a chain reaction, because someone called me this morning asking if I knew who was hiring in this horrific state of the economy, and someone also asked me, if I enjoy oral sex in an email, or more plainly like they said it, " Do I like Blow Jobs and if so, call them at this number they provided?" Well in combining the two to come up with this one theory, I am giving you the conception of two thoughts into one. First of all, I explained or asked the person that is seeking employment, are they looking for a job or a career? They did not know what I meant, because they see both of them, as the same thing like being "Rich" and being "Wealthy", "Living" and "Surviving" and "Loving", "Being In Love" and "Lust". Well a job to me, is something you do that pays the bills, and you could care less if you keep it or not, it is a means to a end that can be interchanged with a minimal effort in applying ones self, to get where one is wanting to go, not needing to be. A career, is something you are passionate about, and actually makes you a better person, when performing your duties within it. So after explaining this, they understood where my mind frame is, and the question I just asked them. But in explaining all of this to you, I felt to do so in this forum, I would need to explain what I mean. Now like I said, I am attracted to a certain type of woman, and if I literally have her or not, is irrelevant right now, so do not worry if it is this or that. But lets say I met or was talking to a woman that completely did it for me on a cosmetic basis and she asked me, "What is your type?" She would honestly only ask this question after feeling within herself, she was my type or close to it, which made her create the thought or question in knowing, she may be my type based on my look and view towards her to ask the question she needs to hear me say. I would simply tell her if she were her, my type, " I am not answering this out of obligation or because I am attracted to you because you are cute. I also would not be doing it because you just happen to just like me for whatever reason, you universally have this or that, but only, and I mean only because I am attracted to what you have shown to me, and that is that", thats what I would initial say. I say that because, "When I first realized I am who I am, I immediately did things to secure me in gaining, what I knew I needed to have later on in my life, to make me and whomever I am with, happy, and you right now, have that visual image on what life could and would be like, with a man like me." Now to give you, my readers, a little info on me, when everyone was partying at 21- 29, I was working on owning the place, they were spending their money at. Why, because I realize that living in that moment of your life, goes no where and could be very damaging to a person like me, though it can be or is needed to get out of your system, if it is in your system. But what if it is not in your system in the first place I ask you, my reader, then would not you realize it is not needed to experience, because it is not a part of the long-term goal or plan on how you wish to live your life and be remembered? As long as I can selectively remember, I have fantasized about such a physical look in a woman and being in a such a place and position to obtain it, rightfully. The skin tone of her, her voice and how this specific woman would basically be, naturally in my eyes, is all I have ever wanted and needed since realize what I am attracted to. It goes from how I grew up, where I grew up and the examples I was drawn to, that reflect many of the choices I have made in my life, wrong or right. As it states in my biography, I never truly felt, I was the best looking man in the world, and that is based on many things. My self esteem is great and my ego deeply checked, so no, it has nothing to do with how I see me, it has to do on how I thought the world seen me. The media that fed to me, "what beauty is" as a youth, the majority of my close childhood friends turning out to be male actors and models, and because I was always in the spotlight as a child, and never really understood why everyone wanted to come hang out with me, is just the start of what I could never really finish in explaining how I felt about me, and this subject to me. I knew some of my popularity was because I was this star athlete, had a car at 16, graduated at 161/2, scholastically gifted, was the most popular in school, articulate, funny and where I lived. I grew up in the hills of Berkeley California, where we were only 1 of 5 black families that grew up here, the 70s. But I never knew why people liked me, and that played a big part on me as my career started to happen. It never held me back, but was always in the back of my mind, and I always wondered, why, like I do now, from time to time, do I get so much dam attention..
Anyway, naturally, I am not a sexual person. I like sex in all, but for the most part, could do with or without it. I say that also, for many reasons. You see being so popular and going to private predominantly all-white schools from birth and not only fitting in because of my families success, I belonged there, excelled there and made it even more popular from my efforts and actions. Now on top of all of that, the way I look at sexy women, is the way this certain female, naturally looks. Everything from the mom, to the freak, supporter, wife type, slut and more, all revolves around this image of a woman, that I see when I naturally, look at her when I close my eyes. So even though I have been with many women cosmetically, I always knew I would never be with them for the long term because 1) my career came first 2) they are not what I fully and deeply fantasize about 3) I never allowed myself to give what I know by example, would be needed to make it work for them, myself and us, at that time. So as far as the physicality of sex, it means nothing to me in speaking about sex, I enjoy making love. Now some of you may wonder, what is the difference, and I say to you this; a job and a career, and being rich and being wealthy. Now when I say making love, I am talking in every aspect; mentally, physically, educationally, thought, flesh, emotional and more. I am all about the mutual mental connection to give and receive, which I often refer to as, recycling. That is the formula for short, immediate and long-term success to me. In the best or worst times, and when you can no longer experience or able to do anything physically, the mind and mental aspect on what and how you see something, is everlasting and stimulates you to stay on that course of success in other areas that will also, make you feel connected to the reason and cause you support, defend and passionately love what you area part of. To me, success is a lot like failure. The difference is, what one considers broke and what one considers working properly, is what determines each end. So having the discipline to fail and succeed, is very similar. If you think of the many things that have withstood the good and bad times and just went along their way in the middle of each end, they are simple in their ways, and follow the same format that got them, where they are. So to me and my way of thinking, it only makes sense to keep doing what is working if it is working for you, when attempting to succeed and not fail in other areas. But the key is, finding out what stimulates you to be free and to be a slave to, in your short term, immediate and long-term plans. So to me, when you are finding yourself, finding what naturally stimulates you, is the main ingredient that makes everything else, possible.
Now to go away to come back stronger, I have sexually been with so many women, that I personally feel there is nothing anyone can do to me physically, that I have yet to experience. The number of women is very high, not pretty high, but high by anyones standard or measurements, and I know it. I am not diluting or boasting, proud or ashamed, just stating a fact. But I have always been with them for the most part, knowing its limits and where it would end. I guess you can say that I went into them knowing it would end, based on the things I did and did not allow to happen. But during all of this, I have never contracted a disease and during all of this, only fathered one child with one woman having an abortion by her choice, and another losing it due to Karma. I have been with Hollywood starlets, super models, welfare moms and everything else, in between. But here is the thing, I never mentally offered myself to anyone, because I knew I am only truly attracted, to one specific type of woman, that I could not handle at the time, and the world would judge, unfairly. Its not that I could not handle what was being said, but because I needed for her to know why she was with me, and because of how I feel, would not put her through all I know, was going to happen, based on my personal experience on what she would go through in doing and being where I needed to be. So in saying that, there are things I have never experienced because I wanted to make sure, the person I wanted to share things with that meant something to me, needs to have something, no one else has had.
So that brings us around to the topic, "Oral sex". Do I enjoy it, yes, but have never experienced cumming in a womans mouth fully, because that is something I will not allow myself to do with anyone. Have I done it, yes, but I say that with needing for you to know this and more. The select few that have experienced that with me, you can count on two fingers. I did so in hoping, not knowing, but hoping, they were the one I would spend the rest of my life with. What can I say, I am human and for whatever reason, whomever fault is was, it didn't work out. But beyond your imagination, that is a part of me that I have been saving for her, the ONE, so I have never fully, allowed myself to enjoy it, the way I have always imagined it. If by chance you actually found the few in the many I have been with and got them when they were telling the unconditional truth, I can literally count with two fingers, who I have experienced that pleasure and honor with. My personally fantasy, is to have a woman that looks just like this woman, wear red lipstick, and slowly goes up and down my shaft, and methodically, create a rhythm that unconsciencely lets me know, she is deeply into pleasing me while getting off herself, in the process. Remember, I am talking about a question that was asked to me, "Do I like Blow Jobs", so that is what I am defining. But in imaging such a woman, it brings me to a boil to only imagine, seeing or knowing I have created the wetness my penis is generating from being in her mouth, slowly rolling down the sides from her passion, while she is going up and down, putting my dick, in and out like she has invented this art, is the mental, not physical, but mental part of it, that will never go away in my mind. This is the difference between a job and a career, as to only look at her skin, which is a contrast of mine, create something only the mind could imagine. To see her moving to the left and right to find that right angle, to absorb and make love to my cock like she wants me to do when I am in her ever flowing pussy, is beyond physical, its mental. You see I do not need business advice, money, credit, random sex, ego fill ups or anything like that. If I get fine, but that is not required from this woman I crave. I either get enough of that already, or had enough of it for a lifetime and could care less about having it again. I am mentally able and available to submit to her, which makes the physical, beyond imagination. So when you may wonder, why you, why me, why now, I have no answers. All I know is that right now, I am receptive to it, and you just happen to be the woman I have always fantasized about, since I can remember. So with me now wanting and needing to concentrate on just one woman, I am going to find the woman that naturally, feels the same way about me, if she knows it or not. She will understand why I write, absorb it for knowledge not just entertainment. She will see herself, and even though the world does not realize what she is looking at when she closes her eyes, she does. Can she touch it, no. Can she explain it, no. Can just anyone give her this image, no, not at all. She just knows, and just like when I was climbing the ladder of success and hearing everyone tell me I was crazy, it did not matter because I knew, even though I could not see or touch it, this is my chance so I better take full advantage of it. I did not care if I failed, because all that I was doing before this chance, was failure to me because it meant nothing to me and was not the core on what and how I wish to live my life and what success means to me. Its a feeling of natural stimulation, and you start to understand why, nothing else worked because you were waiting for this moment that makes no sense in happening. No matter what you went through, was with, why and when, you always had this image in your mind, that you could mentally go back to, to put you back on track when you felt you were falling off of it. That to me, is making love, and a career, not a job. So am I sexual, no. I crave the mental aspect on creating an unconditional moment, that is normally beyond definition. And the only way to do that, is to find out what you like, why and how. Once you do that, it does not matter what anyone says, because it, would have said it all for you, and you heard it. So do I like oral sex, no, I crave Oral Love Making. So I could careless about a Blow Job, let us share A Blown Career, when searchng for that unknown friend that can answer that question right now, based on, the future. Enjoy The Moment
