A Back Seat Driver
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photo courtesy of Shugaree Entertainment . Germany
Someone once told me that, "You know AD, when life or shit happens and drops you to your knees, you have four main choices to make at that moment when they face you; 1) Look up 2) Look down, 3) Suck a dick or 4) Pray". Now I am not saying that is true or accurate beyond their point, but if you really think about it, it is a great quote, something to think about and smile with, and one helluva opening line for my newest theory. This is how this theory is going to start, so hold on and lets see if I can let go to capture another classic moment in text. And come to think about it, "Isn't it ironic how, we ignore those who adores us. Adore those who ignore us. Hurt who loves us and love who hurts us until we realize, what we are doing without asking ourselves, why and is it or was it, worth it?" As many of you know, my life is a trip. I am young, successful, humble, creative, ignorant to many common things and looking for things I am not 100% sure, even exist. And while also saying that, I also say that I have a motto I live by that states, "Life is a trip, so pack lightly because you will accumulate baggage along the way at each stop". Thats something I have learned to teach myself everyday, as I also sometimes reflect on the things that seem to keep happening to me, as I attempt to break the cycle, start another one and witness my choice(s), each and every moment I am able to look back upon them. Now I am not sure I have ever mentioned this before in my writings / theories, but when I started out making a name for myself in Marin County many years back, one of the charities I volunteered for and eventually became on the board with was M.A.W.S. It stands for Marin Abused Women Society, and in it, were women that have been to my definition, to hell and back, during rush hour traffic in one of my exotic vehicles. Now this theory is not about them or my cars, but more or less, on the perception on how we view them, ourselves and the things we wish to be associated with. In life, from what I have humbly learned and witnessed, the only certainty, ultimately, is the outcome. Period, nothing more or nothing less. Things can appear, may appear, seem or statistically be in favor or not of something, and maybe rightfully so. But the only certainty in anything, is the outcome when reflecting back on your journey to your newfound destination. It is a matter of importance to me, in my opinion, and until a person realizes that its not the cards that they were dealt in life or in the game that they need to worry about, and its about how you play them, do you rise above the things that were keeping you down, playing a game you did not know you were playing with yourself. I mean look at it this way, 190 people got or contracted the swine flu recently, and all of a sudden, everyone is wearing protective mask, get checked and overly concerned about their health. Hell, I know I did, and I almost suffocated CJ with things bundling him up and away from anyone that looked like the were about to cough. But for decades, over 14 million people in this world has HIV and or AIDS, and I would wager than less than half of them have gotten checked and still ignore wearing a condom during casual sex. So when someone asked me, do you think we have a chance on making it in any type of relationship, I honestly can not answer it without knowing, where they have came from and where they wish to go, based on my own experiences in the same but different manner. I mean things may be in our favor at the time we discuss them, look good on paper, the timing may seem right and more. But ultimately, the only certainly, is the outcome, so maybe, we will see and find out when we get there and reflect back, on where we just left, is what I proud say and tell them. Each step is either gong forward or backwards, and sometimes idle, so you can really measure progress in and on our path, just the end or destination. But while also saying that, I also feel it is better to lose a lover than to love loser, and someone once told me when we were dating, as I told them when they ask me, "Anthony, why do you get worried when you see someone other than family hold or hug me". I told her, "Its not that I am worried, jealous or envious, its just that when that situation occurs, everything I have imagined, want for myself and the relationship with you and you alone, is in their arms and I am at their mercy. Because if you see it or not, my world, is in their arms and out of my control. I know I can protect you, and not saying they cant, but I know me and my intentions, not theirs, so that is what ruffles my feathers, not them, but something more than that hug that seems to be so innocent to many". Now instantly, one may think I am a control freak, and I could sit here and argue yes or no, but that would be far off of the point I am trying to make. I feel if I can not control me, my goals and more, who should I trust to make sure I have a legitimate chance on reaching them? I have never been a man that has had a problem admitting I am wrong, letting go or trusting. But what I do have a problem with, is allowing someone to lead me where I already know the ending, and not wanting or wishing to revisit a place I did all I could to get out of. So if you know me or not, what you will find out very quickly in conversing and interacting with me, is that I basically only talk about thing I know for a fact. Not things I think I may know, but things I have tried, tested from many angles and more. And even then, even when I know them backwards and forwards, I am not allergic to growth or another way. But trust me, I need to see it in ways you may not be familiar with, and that my friend, is why you will never see or hear of me being, A Back Seat Driver in any car that me or Blair did not charter to take me where I know I need to be.
Now a question I was recently asked by a viewer was, "ADGere, whats your take on men that are on the DL". Well okay then, was my first response, and had to really think about this one before answering it. Well like I will say to you like I did to them, "I do not know". I mean think about it; I am from The San Francisco Bay Area. I mean come on, since I was a child, I seen more shit than a toilet as far as freedom of expression, alternative lifestyles and more. That very fabric on the cloth I have prospered from, is the freedom to be who you are, and never allow anyone to tell you who you can become. I mean people in my family that I adore, love and would give my left nut for, are gay, bi-sexual, tri-sexual (will try anything) and more. Who am I to judge, and just like the swine flu compared to AIDS, I think it is, what it is. And to go deeper on this cosmetic topic, I met this woman once, that was if nothing else, honest, torn and driven to make me stand idle in my journey to be all I was hoping to become. Maybe it was my test, my lesson on maturity or whatever. But whatever it was, it definitely got my attention when I was not paying attention to my own selfish needs to freely give away what I was taught to hold on to. First off, she was attracted to me, sexy, in my age range and comes to find out after I tapped that ass a few times, was, married. She had been married for many years, and the relationship I guess was based on, convenience or comfort, or she was straight up lying to me like the stranger I found out that I was to her wants, not needs. Now if it was a lie or not, is not my point here. What part of my point is, who did she think I was, one, who does she think she is, two, and why out of the millions of people in this world, did she think that with her invitation for a few romps in the sack every now and then, is what I inspire to be in a relationship that is destined to be, what it is, and nothing but a moment leading to another transparent moment. Out of the millions of people in this world, why would I want to be in a situation where the final results, are based on failures, unless that s where I wish to go? It is a trip, and yeah, I have been that dude before, enjoyed it, did not like it, loved the freedom but in the end, was nothing but a back seat driver in my own vehicle. Hell even when I thought I was the man in those moments, I quickly learned, that I was not being a man at all, and doing all I never knew, I did not want or wish to do or be known as. So yeah, in many ways I thank her for using me. I thank her for making me degrade myself and forcing me to look into a mirror that was cracked when I looked at it with my eyes closed, and now sit back and wonder, does it take something like that, to make me become like I am now, or was this a fluke and me understanding the things I never understood? And yes, though there is a time and place for everything, time, is what we can not control. But the place, now that is within your realm, if you utilize your time wisely and place yourself in a position to win. In a place to win even if you seem to the world that you are losing at the moment. You see what I know for a fact when it comes down to certain things, is that I know ever so well the feelings I am feeling, met the feelings many times before, forgot to remember the feelings that made me feel the opposite in such a way which is why, I can relate to the things that make me feel the way I do about the things I can not afford, not to forget about. I have been on the other side of the one being cheated on, the one cheating and the bystander that played stupid when I was smart enough to know what was going on. I mean in all reality, the most painful to me, was when I acted like I did not know and lied to someone and they believed me, when I knew myself, I was lying and being fake to me, forget whomever else. Thats the worse feeling I think. To know you are lying, and someone believing you. I mean how can you trust yourself with them, when they do not even know you are not what you say? It took me a while to get over that kind of deception, and seriously, the more and more I think about those times in my life, the less and less I think of myself as the man I have become through it all. Many may say I am being hard on myself, as some may say I am an asshole for doing it. But whatever is said, I say taking the easy route out, was the way that kind of poison entered into my life in the first dam place, so yeah, I deserved to give what I was getting, right or wrong. I have failed many, prospered for a few more, and trust me, no one, and I mean no one, is harder on himself, than me. The expectations someone may place on me, does not even come a close second on the expectations I have and place on myself. Now to reflect back on why this woman wanted me to be the man on the side, I must say, either her perception on me was what it appeared to be from her past, was what she thought I was only capable of, what she thought she could control and how I displayed it to her. It could be many other things, just like it could have had nothing but everything to do with what she selfishly wanted, how she viewed me, herself and the things she felt, she was warranted in this life. Now is it wrong for her to want such a thing? Maybe yes, maybe no. But from my experience, if it was not me that said yes, there are plenty of others in this world, that would not say no. I know, I have been in her shoes, and maybe that is why, I would now rather wear sandals or go barefoot instead of being in her shoes walking over coals and needles, or better yet, her husband, that did not have a clue, the woman he is sharing his bed with, was in another, hours earlier. So no, Karma is not a bitch, Boo Boo Kitty and Biscuit are. She, Karma, is a reflection on ones image, magnified beyond measurements. Karma, may be a woman, but she is not a sinful or vengeful female, she is a woman that produces life as we live it.
So where has this theory taken us, or me at this point, to a place where I can write about it? I am not really sure this place is tangible like I said earlier in this theory, but know, I am here heading down another path in a unconditional way. You see to me its cool to reflect, and sometimes even live vicariously through your memories to smile or smirk on who you are as you arrive at the place you are at now. I mean really, if we did not go through the many things we all have, what story would or could we tell to those travelling down that street later on? Lets face it, we all have a story to tell. We all have had the bad friend, parent, circumstance and more, and how many times can you beat that horse before you either revive it, jump on another one or leave it be? I remember talking to my friend Tupac before he was murdered many years back and he told me this and we were sitting in a parking lot reflecting on the choices we have made and he said something that became infamous to me; "Ya know what nigga, you can spend minutes, hours, days or even weeks or months over analyzing situations trying to put the pieces back together, justifying what could have or what you would have done differently on what has happened, or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on". Well yeah, as I reflect back on who he was to me, the person and who the world thought he was as a entertainer, I thought he was crazy in a good way then, as I do now in his absence. Where he came from, what he endured and did to make it where he became famous, could never really be told to those that only knew of him as a great lyricist and actor. But in knowing him the way I did, I totally agree on many aspects of his way of thinking, based on what he had to work with. You see he, like many of us, made bad choices, and blamed those choices on the ones we kept making in the future that lead us down a road we knew we did not want to go down once we got to the conclusion. In all reality, I think a major part on what he was referring to, is that we were not in control at that time in our lives, and was allowing our ego to drive instead of our heart, mind or soul that was viewing everything from the back seat. So I repeat, where did this take us, or me? How can we blend our perception with our reality without compromising either, or, should we keep them apart to know the difference in learning and teaching the same lesson? Maybe its a process, the process in growth and being stagnate, or not relevant at all. Nearly everyone I know that has made it in life, has a story to tell, and believe me, it is worth listening to. How many do not know about how Jamie Foxx slept in his car during a Comedy Competition back in the day in the Oakland streets because he could not afford a hotel room, and now, he is making millions of dollars for the movies he is in. How many that are now homeless, once, ruled the corporate conference room and fell victim to drugs, women and partying too much. How people you never heard about are supporting children on a smudget, not a budget, but a minimal income and wondering, where the next meal is going to come from. How we hear about so many people getting killed in the Middle East everyday from suicide bombers and more, that we are desensitized to it when we hear about it on the news or in an email blog. Yeah, this is reality, not a dream, and many nightmares that never get told, are still being written, each and everyday and will continue to be what they are until the end of time. So yeah, when life serves you lemons, do not just make lemonade, plant a few of those seeds and hopefully, you will have an orchard later on in life if you are lucky enough to fertilize the soil you put them in. this theory is simply dedicated to all of the people that have shared their stories with me. Those I have talked to, interacted with in one way or another and the ones I have never heard from those that suffer and prosper in silence. It is written in this theory in between the lines, to let you know, nothing is created or produced without a story. And more than likely when you are able to read it, it has reached its conclusion and all that took place in between the start and finish, is story within its self. So yeah, the next time you see that beautiful man or woman, know, that there is a lot more to them that what you are seeing. They may appear to be okay, but ask them, besides what you are showing me, what can I show you that may make your day or moment, that much better. Take out a few seconds to give them what they may never knew was lost, and I betcha, you will find out things you never knew existed. Now you may face resistance and thats okay, thats not the point or purpose. The reason, is to let them know, someone out here in this world cares. Cares enough to be more than what they have already seen from that angle or view. And be more concerned with your character than your reputation because simply, your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are or may be. So be aware and know that they may tempt you with solicitations, propositions and more, but that is coming from a cosmetic response, not one of substance. And when they do come at you that way, simply say to them; before we, me and you get or go to the back seat to watch the road from that view, I need to see you drive and sit in the passenger seat to see if we need a backseat in the vehicle we are traveling in. Say that because you never know, there might not be a back seat and you are in one of my exotic cars that only has, two seats in it. There for, neither one of you will be nor need to be, a Back Seat Driver on this road in love and life. Cause life is not fair, its life and sometimes, it can drop you to your knees and when that happens, you might have to select one of the four things I mentioned at the very start. So yeah, thank you for riding with me on this one, and hopefully, you can drive someone else, when they may look like they might need a ride when life, is riding them like A Back Seat Driver -
May All Be With You As You Are Within It. Enjoy The Moment -
Anthony Douglas Gere
The Number #1 Theory Writer on the Worldwide Web.
Exclusively seen on www.theoriesofthought.com
